Journal Entries
Vasectomy Update
Posted Aug 15, 2001
Wed 8th August - My Birthday. My favourite present, a scrotum vastly reduced in size. All Hail the Great God Modern Medicine.
Thurs 9th August - Doctor says I can go back to work next week. Never been so keen to earn a living in my life.
Sun 12th August - Ominous pain and swelling in testicular area. The Great God Modern Medicine laughs in the face of his believers once more.
Tues 14th August 11.15am - Doctor says "now, this won't hurt as it's just a bit of fluid..."
Tues 14th August 11.16am - regain consciousness with sounds of screaming still echoing round the surgery, almost (but not quite) drowning out the whisper of "Perhaps it's an agonising lump of infected pustulence after all..."
Wed 15th August - two more weeks of sick leave loom - at least the sun is shining. Who wants to work through August anyway?
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Latest reply: Aug 15, 2001
My Vasectomy
Posted Aug 4, 2001
A potted history so far:
Sat 21st July - minor operation performed to prevent unplanned creation of additional little Portoria. Full recovery expected within 48 hours.
Sun 22nd July - No pain - little swelling - looking good!
Mon 23rd July - Minor discomfort and swelling - back to work tomorrow?
Tues 24th July AM - Major discomfort and swelling - nasty feeling in pit of stomach.
Tues 24th July PM - Difficulties encountered driving home bent double with one hand on groin and other hand working steering wheel and gear lever, one foot on all three pedals and other foot out of passenger window to prevent contact between testicles and other parts of body. Wife laughs and says "now you know what pain really feels like".
Wed 25th July AM - Wife examines testicles and says "actually, I think you really might know what pain feels like. I'll ring the doctor".
Wed 25th July PM - Doctor prescribes antibiotics.
Sun 29th July - Testicular radius now measured in metres. Standing results in redistribution of fluid which expands nuts like comedy balloons.
Mon 30th July - Doctor prescribes stronger antibiotics.
Tues 31st July - Testicular radius undiminished. Have taken to sleeping standing up with groin out of bedroom window to increase air circulation.
Wed 1st August - Referred to Consultant. New antibiotics, normally prescribed to rabid hippopotami, will kill horses at thirty paces.
Fri 3rd August - Doctor "pleased with progress". If this continues, will drain excess fluid next week with a syringe. Am praying for a relapse.
Watch this space.
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Latest reply: Aug 4, 2001
Portorium
Researcher U181955
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