Journal Entries
Work are making 200 staff redundant...
Posted Jul 12, 2012
...as they are outsourcing to India.
Sadly, I'm not one of them.
At this rate there will be five of us, all desperate to leave but all with families and unwilling to just go without the redundancy package, sitting alone in that massive great building surrounded by the empty desks of former colleagues who *didn't* want to leave, being asked to do the jobs of the 50-strong team we used to have.
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Latest reply: Jul 12, 2012
I do count my blessings, honestly...
Posted Apr 10, 2012
I *know* I am very, very lucky to have the two beautiful sons that I do have. I also know that this is going to sound self-indulgent to those of my friends who, despite trying and desperately wanting one have been unable to have any children, so I apologise to them. Don't think for a second that I don't know how lucky I am, and don't think I am not grateful for my lot.
Having said all that, I am beginning to get obsessive about the prospect (or lack of one) of having baby #3. I can't help but feel like there is a place for another child in our family and the drive to have one creates a kind of internal clamouring that can be hard to ignore. I stare at bumps, and newborns, and look into prams. I fight the urge (because I remember how weird it is when people do it) to touch the bumps of my pregnant friends.
I count my blessings but the two biggest ones serve to underline what my body seems to be telling me I need and haven't got. I know what I am missing, the good and the bad. My head can come up with dozens of reasons why not, why it wouldn't work, why it isn't the right time...none of which make any difference to how I feel about it.
Maybe if there were some physical barrier then I would accept that we are as complete a family as we will ever be, but the barrier is simply that J doesn't want any more children. He says no and I am not the kind of woman to have a deliberate 'accident', so I carefully and dutifully do the things that go against what I *really* want.
I am sure this constant nagging ache is nothing compared to the pain of the feelings of those who want them but cannot have children at all, but it is real and painful nonetheless.
I have no idea how to resolve this. Seems unlikely J will change his mind - I think in a way the little bit of hope is what is slowly driving me batty. Perhaps I should send him for the snip so at least it is a final decision.
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Latest reply: Apr 10, 2012
Elenor Rigby
Posted Mar 8, 2012
Heard yesterday that my Great Aunt died, the bonkers one that dragged my dad to New York on several occasions to help her, then pretended she didn't know why he ws there when he turned up, and who insulted him by suggesting he was helping to get his hands on her money rather than because she was family who needed help. He fell out of contact with her after that, about 5 years ago. She thought the CIA was watching her, but apparently she died several weeks ago and laid undiscovered and alone. A sad end to a life, but she made it very difficult for anyone to be involved with her so not really surprising.
She really wasn't a very nice woman - for years she teased my Dad with the promise of information about his father that she never passed on to him. She threatened constantly to write him out of her will, which he couldn't give a stuff about - it really hurt him when she implied that he had only come to NY the last time to make a play for her money. She had been taken to hospital because her flat had turned into one of those nightmares you see on the telly heaped with rubbish and couldn't take care of herself and he jumped through all sorts of hoops in court to get her released from hospital into his care, took her to Ireland (where she said she would stay but she ran back to NY the second he left her) where there are other members of the family (who would have nothing to do with helping her in NY) all of which he did because she was his mother's sister and he felt a family duty. Nothing to do with money.
A very sad way to end up, I don't know who found her in the end but expect it was the building manager who was the one that had her taken to hospital before. She should have been in a care home or sheltered housing really but she liked living in the rent controlled flat in New York, and couldn't be persuaded out of it.
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Latest reply: Mar 8, 2012
So far, 2012,
Posted Jan 31, 2012
you have brought our family:
i)norovirus
ii)hideous colds
iii)threadworms
iv)nits
v)unbearable work stress
vi)18 hour days, 5-6 days a week for J
vii)a deeply upset friend
I'm not liking the look of the rest of the year if the first month has all that in it.
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Latest reply: Jan 31, 2012
Just how many...
Posted Jan 23, 2012
...otherwise enjoyable threads really need to be about Peckham?
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Latest reply: Jan 23, 2012
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kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013
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