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Hello from you're friendly sub

Post 1

Z

Hi there...

I'm going to be subbing your entry on Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel : The Radio Series, and I just thought you'd like to know that the edited version of the entry is at.. A941096. If you see anything that you don't like then please feel free to ask me to change it, and I will if it can!!!


Z


Hello from you're friendly sub

Post 2

The Ghost of Polidari

Hello!

Oooh - you're going to hate me!

You've changed the meaning in the following paragraph. Chico is Ravelli - the quote's by Groucho's character. You need an extra full stop after 'either' too.

"In Episode One he hires an assistant, who goes on to appear in every show, called Emmanuelle Ravelli of whom Chico says 'he has the face of a bloodhound, and his other features aren't so good either' The only other character who makes it into every show is Flywheel's secretary, Miss Dimple."

Can we amend it to:

"In Episode One he hires an assistant, who goes on to appear in every show, called Emmanuelle Ravelli - played by Chico (he has the face of a bloodhound, and his other features aren't so good either</i&gtsmiley - winkeye. The only other character who makes it into every show is Flywheel's secretary, Miss Dimple."

We don't really need to attribute the quote, and it flows better without it.


Hello from you're friendly sub

Post 3

The Ghost of Polidari

Just to prove I'm paying attention... smiley - winkeye

I think you've done an admiral job of reducing my over-indulgence of parenthesis, but I think that one of them reads better previously - the '(they had a half hour slot every night)' in paragraph one. All the others are better your way. Could we swap that one back?

Good job.

(I'll go now!)


Hello from you're friendly sub

Post 4

Z

smiley - ta thanks for noticing my work with brackets,I'll correct those later tonight and post when I'm done!


Hello from you're friendly sub

Post 5

Z

I've made the changes you suggested and returned it to the Editors.


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