h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm writing this here principally for my sake as I now know there is no hope in being able to communicate meaningfully with you. I feel pretty cut up about it actually. But I realised I built a picture of you that was not much based on reality. Not really acceptable for a good rationalist like me. But then I'm also of a Romantic frame of mind, (and no, don't get your stupid christian knickers in a twist, I'm not meaning that sexually), just in terms of warmth and feeling between people.

But I've realised you don't have that kind of way of *feeling* things. You're forever going on about Aspergers. Maybe it's that or something more serious? There's a kind of dishonesty and inauthenticness about you that I just can't deal with.

Nothing feels very real. And I don't trust you. It wouldn't surprise me if Leon wasn't standing over your shoulder constantly when its you supposedly online. Yes that's what most struck me about that whole 'death threat' incident. What the hell were you and he using the same account for? Like I said you are 2 separate people. But the way you've gone on about him to me, anyone would think you were married. Waiting up for him til 2am for him to get home after parties. getting up at 5.30 when he's on earlies, plus all the trivia. It's ridiculous. If my mother had fussed over me like that, she'd get told to stop smothering me. And like I say that whole death threat thing which the full truth was never admitted to, probably because you wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and bit you. No wonder you waste your life believing in dreary god squad stuff.

What about real things? Crikey and you don't even understand about a blackbird's song. That's far more tragic than me not praying to gentle Jesus everynight.

Yes I do sound bitter. I am. I'm upset and feel conned.

I have no idea whether you are in the least capable of taking any of this in. I think not.

I feel pretty broken hearted if the truth is told.

All right. Really, I don't feel any further enlightened than I did. There's not a thing I can do to prove to you that I am genuine in any way, if you choose to think otherwise (and you do.)

I know you don't like me quoting stuff and dealing with it point by point, but I simply have to.
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Do you mind me saying that that's all in your head? I am the same as I was before this, and I will continue to be that same after it. *I* haven't changed. I am honest. I always have been. If you don't trust me, there's nothing I can do about it.

Leon is the one with Aspergers. His cousins have it too, one of them to the point of being severely disabled.(I perhaps have a touch of it, which means I take things at face value, and don't get underlying meanings. Neither do Leon, Mike or Robert. Aspergers runs heavily in families.)

What seems like smothering in respect of a normal, average 21 year old, isn't. He can't make phone calls to strangers, so I have to get up when he's on earlies, and phone a taxi for him, he simply can't do it. I was up til 02.00 not because he was at a party, but because he was at work, and he should have been home at 12.00 midnight. It never occurred to him to text or phone and let me know where he was.

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This makes me angry. I told the truth about the 'death threat'. So did Leon. That 3Dots and a couple of other people don't want to believe that truth isn't my fault. That you decide to believe there's a "truth" I haven't told is yours. So be it. If you want to believe *I'm* lying, have it your own way. I am sick of it, it happened more than 4 years ago, and that some slimy obsessive creep has wasted hours setting up that "analysis" is sickening. H2g2 isn't worth all this rubbish.

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Once again, that's in your head. All I said, is that I don't know whether what I hear is a blackbird. That was all, and that you chose to go ape over it, is your problem not mine.

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That's sad. But nothing has changed except your perception of things. 3 bl**dy Dots and his merry band of loonies has a lot to answer for. Ask yourself what I have to gain by playing games with you, and then ask yourself what they have to gain by discrediting not just me, but also my family, and such people as that person they accuse of being me (!), and then come to your own conclusions, not theirs.

Personally, I can do without the drama.

Vicky