h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey Vicky, have you thought about sorting out your space? I find it a bit depressing the way it is. You could easily do something really simple with it. A piece of scripture, a prayer, a poem or anything?

I'll help you if you want to do something using code.

I read your convo with Psyc. I never thought you yikesed SoRB's space. It was quite clearly his former girlfriend from what she posted. I never knew who yikesed yours, but guessed straight away it was to do with someone playing on a copyright issue.

I think its about time you put it behind you.

Yes, I am thinking about it... I can't don't know what. At first I was just too depressed about it!

Someone on a thread on SorB's space said s/he *knew* I'd yikesed his and when Alex came along and said she had, this person (can't remember their name) just said he/she "could have sworn"...

A poem is a really great idea, thanks!

Vicky

So to recap: Someone accused you of something without any evidence, you told them they were wrong and proof was provided. Yet that some person still said that they thought that's the kind of thing you'd do even though there was never any evidence you did or would fo that.

aint Karma a bitch, Della.

Well done Vicky. Sorted. And brilliant for putting your own writing on it...

Wow, thanks! I hadn't even noticed it was there! I am thrilled. (I met the woman the poem is about, when I left the office for a quick smoke outside... she was out there smoking as well. Lucky it's still summer here, eh?)

Vicky

Blimey I never had you down as a smoker, Vicky. for that as well.

So am I

I'm glad you are pleased. So am I.

Yes, I am a smoker, and have been for a wee few years now. I am trying to cut down, because it's past time, I had it down to a few a day, and that went up after my brother died, but that's been nearly 4 years now.

Vicky

Hey well you are doing better than me then at cutting down then. I've given up giving up.

I realise it's coming up to the anniversary of your brother's death, from your journal. This friday isn't it? I don't really know how to put anything to words that doesn't sound quite right. My love and very friendly caringness is with you. That's all I can say for now...

I will post again about it.

It's very difficult to actually say words though, as of course you'll know.

Yes, Friday... I don't know how I am going to feel... At a Solace support group meeting, a psychologist told us two years would be the hard part, and it would get easier after that.

With that in mind, I anticipated not feeling too awful last year (3) but I was thunderstruck by how *awful* it was!

It's so much different from what it was like with my parents. Probably I'd been sort-of expecting my parents to die young, as their parents had, and their grandparents and so I always thought of it as the way of things. (In our family at least.)

But my brother was eight years younger than me...

A few weeks back, I was looking at his space, and came across a thread where he'd said to someone "... please, before one of us dies, pay attention" or something similar and I remembered that after Garth had died, only a few weeks after that, the guy sent me a message - he was so freaked out about it and no wonder. Now I look at things like that and I wonder if I should have taken more notice of things like that! Yet that was just the way he spoke... I tell myself that, and I wonder if I am just making excuses.

You know it was suicide, don't you? If I'd ever thought about how I'd feel if it ever happened in my family, I had anticipated guilt being a big part of it, and it is.

I hadn't anticipated the anger. My son came to me afterwards and asked if the anger was normal. I told him yes, and hoped I was right... it turns out I am right, it is. So, apparently is the urge to go and do likewise, but in 99% of cases, people resist. Some of the saddest cases are where they don't manage to.. I can think of three families I know of where siblings copied their dead sister or brother.

I hope I've not carried on too much here!
Vicky
Hey, if smoking helps, don't feel you have to quit. A lecturer of ours at Uni said it's self care - sh*tty self care, but still self care, and IMO a lot healthier than alcohol! (though I know heaps of people who'd disagree...)

Vicky shll read this properly tormorrow . Am half sleep....

You are NOT alone...Okay. Don't worry I'll be backomorow.

<hug````````````````.

Thank you! back...

Have a good sleep!

Vicky

Hey Vicky, I've read your post now. Yes I did know it was suicide. I really feel for you. Yes the guilt is inevitable. But you clearly couldn't have possibly guessed that such a thing would happen. You absolutely don't have to tell me anything specific unless it helps. I should imagine that it's a big thing in trying to make any sort of sense of such a terrible tragedy. And the anger is inevitable but difficult too.

I hope I haven't expressed any of the above insensitively but it's hard to know what to say. Only tell me anything you feel entirely comfortable with. I don't know if you want to talk anymore about it or not. It's entirely up to *you*. But if you want to, please do so.





Crikey I just slept 12 hours. Through the alarm and everything. I literally fell in to bed after the computer. I didn't even brush my teeth. The tablets do seem to work really well though which is a relief. I have to be annoyingly careful about sleep; it's a warning sign for me for going high. Bipolar is very strange, because you can be completely normal (well as far as I'm ever normal ), one moment, and then start to lose proper rationality the next. But I mostly have it under control now through appropriate use of medication. But sometimes I don't want to stop it because the 'high' parts of bipolar feel so brilliant. The lows which can be just as bad in the other direction I'm more than happy to medicate for of course.

Speak later.....It must be the middle of the night for you now. This time zone thing on h2g2, between us and where we all live, never ceases to amaze and fascinate me. I think this whole internet connection between people is incredible and brilliant.

Looking again at the second part of my above post, after the football smiley, looks a bit trivial. Sorry.

The whole thing of your brother, affects me a lot too.

<>

I thin k I'll probably be the rest of my life trying to make sense of it... I think I know why, the proximate reasons - but which was the more important? Which was preventable? (The coroner told me, that ironically, G's autopsy showed that his "arteries were needle thin" - G., always used to tease me that mine were because of smoking. So, he may have had a heart attack any day, and it's recently been discovered that heart disease can cause depression!)

It's so good you managed to sleep, 12 hours, wow! You obviously needed it...
I had a bi-polar friend who said the same as you - she didn't *want* to medicate the highs, because sometimes they were completely wonderful. (But then she'd spend money like a millionaire, only to regret it later, that sort of thing. She has a physical disability, and lives on an invalids benefit, so it was very awkward...)

Vicky

Hey, don't worry, I didn't take it that way at all!

Vicky

>But then she'd spend money like a millionaire,<


Yes, most bipolars get that or rampant sexual desire. When I was really high the first time I got the latter. I'll tell you some bloody hilarious stories sometime.

Minor highs provoke the desire to spend spend spend. I've sorted that though by making sure I only visit religious charity shops, everything is dirt cheap, when that happens until the meds work.

Hey Vicky I realise this time must be incredibly difficult for you. I'd be in a terrible state, I know. Please don't hesitate to speak to me if it helps

Dear Effers,
Thank you so much for the offer of support, it means a lot to me.

I am lucky, in that today, I am busier than I ever have been in this job, and it's all going so pear-shaped that I am well distracted. Frustrated by trying to co-ordinate with our company (in Sydney) and a new client here, who are the most disorganised bunch of well-meaning wallies I've ever had the pleasure... so I am finally having lunch and

That's a good idea, just going to charity shops... takes care of the binge spending!

Vicky