h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did I ever tell you my Viv Stanshall story? (He asked, knowing full well that he hadn't and that Zhora would say "No, Dr V, do tell, it sounds most interesting, what fascinating guy you really are.")

No Dr V, do tell, it sounds most interesting, what a fascinating Guy you really are

..... then I can tell you my Neil Innes story......

*I'm the Urban Spaceman baby........*

or should that be spacewoman?

Oh well, since you ask...

'Twas 1994, and the young(er) Dr E was working for A Large Insurance Company Ltd. One morning, one of the Dr's colleagues takes a phone call, as per normal, and ends it with a bemused look.

"Ah've jist had this weird guy on the phone," quoth he, "a Mr...." *checks notepad* "...Mr Stanshall his name wus."

EV raises one eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Aye. Said he wis a writer or suhhin'. Never heard o'im but."

The upshot of which is that I knew at least three people who spoke to Viv Stanshall with a view to insuring his flat, and not one of them knew who he was.

The ironic post-script to the Viv Stanshall story is that I left the job about three months later, and a few months after that Mr Stanshall died in a house fire.

So there you go. Now, what's the Neil Innes story?

Cor Dr V "I nearly did Viv Stanshall's insurance". It was a shame how he died, he was a talented Guy. I think at the inquest they reckoned he wouldn't have known what was happening because he was probably out cold from the booze. Well, the songs live on.... and so does he in them!

A few years ago (ahem) when I was youthful student, I was on the Ents Crew. One of the gigs was Neil Innes. It was him playing a piano being entertaining. It was a fun evening although it wasn't fully appreciated by the some of the Bozos who turned up to see him .

I did, however, get to meet him and speak to him, and I got his Autograph He seemed like a very nice chap.

I still have the Autograph, in my wallet...... mainly because I never clear my wallet out. It's nice to know it's still there though.

*worships*

If only I'd thought to, er, "liberate" Viv's proposal form, I could have claimed to have his autograph too...

Now then Dr V, I've heard from some quarters that I have divine properties but there's no need to worship my humble presence.... much. . Come to think of it..... nothing like a bit worship to keep the old spirits up. Keep going!

Viv's insurance proposal would have been interesting..... "Any items requiring separate cover Sir?" Technically as he had signed it, you would have an autograph! Never mind. Your moment will come.

I met Bob Geldof once.....

He wrote a nice accompanying letter to go with it. I could have liberated that and no-one would be any the wiser. One thing that has stuck with me is the closing phrase, "Many thanks for your help on t'blower."

I could have changed my name to Dave and pretended he'd written it to me.

If I knew where the company I'm working for now kept their archives, I could lay my hands on an autograph from Colin Vearncombe out of Black... not quite as exciting, though.

Bob Geldof? Do tell...

Apologies for the absence...... W interfering with my VL!

Bob Geldof... well, it's another Ents Crew one..... The Boomtown Rats did a tour of Unis and smaller venues in the early eighties (pre band aid I think), and they came to Dundee when I was on the Ents crew. The band were happily wandering round the main hall during and after the load out and talking to folks. I got to chat away to them along with everyone else. It was fun, and they were good fun to talk to. Bob was happy to talk about his lovely baby (because everyone asked about it) and Paula. Happier days indeed.

We had the OTT team too..... It's alright, I don't have an endless supply of I met this famous person tales.... thankfully, I'd end up sounding like a Cabbie "I had that fella off the telly in my cab the other night...."

Now what's this battery powered and mains powered I didn't realise you were so high powered! Are you having an electrifying experience then?

Should you be referred to as an Electric Guru? (T Rex eat your hearts out)

Ah, you haven't been watching Look Around You then. Pity. Very informative scientific programme. They conducted an experiment to see what happened when you passed an electric current through iron (or iron de havilland, to give it its full name - something else I didn't know). With this in mind, they produced an iron pyramid and connected a 9V battery to it. Then, in order to pass both an AC and DC current through it, they connected the battery to the mains.

Of course, you've probably seen the experiment countless times before, so you'll know that the electric charge shoots upwards, burns through the roof, and creates a giant pair of scissors, which hover in the sky for a minute or two before fading away.

Did you know man has been using iron since the stone age?

I saw the Iron one (it was the only one I managed to catch!). How Science should be! Hopefully there will be more!!!

Now I know how Rock Gods AC/DC came into being.......

That was one of the best ones. Have you been to the website yet? http://www.bbc.co.uk/lookaroundyou I think...

Thank you Doctor. I must go and have a look(so to speak)... Ah, the joy of science.....