Journal Entries
the continuing crisis...
Posted May 23, 2003
Went to the doctor's today, turns out I might have Arthritis in me knees! D'oh!
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Latest reply: May 23, 2003
getting on a bit...
Posted May 19, 2003
I'm only 25, but I'm starting to notice that I'm getting older. Despite the fact that half of the time I still think I'm 14 (getting ID'd for cigarettes the other day didn't help...), I can't help but notice the inevitable decline that is taking place. It all started the other day, when my beloved significant other pointed out that my once-luxurious mop of frizz that I call hair was "getting a bit thin at the front". I checked the mirror. Help. Am I going bald? Well, not yet, but there has been a definite decrease in volume over my forehead. I have to trim my nose hair. I've NEVER had to trim my nose hair before, so why now? Is the hair from my head falling through my scalp and reappearing in my nostrils?
But it's not just vanity that has led me to my devastating conclusion. Friends are getting married, buying houses and having babies. I became an uncle in January, and it's really weird: I'm not an uncle, I'm a nephew! Uncles are OLD! And the kids I teach, when I mention the first Gulf War, remind me that they weren't born then, to them Wham and Duran Duran are Golden Oldies that their parents listened to when they were kids. Scary as hell.
But, I guess I'd better just get used to it. Won't be long now before I buy my midlife-crisis motorbike and start getting letters offering me Saga holidays. Before too long I'll start to turn into my dad (really scary!) and shout at the TV (okay I do that anyway). Any nice clothes in Littlewoods at the moment?
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Latest reply: May 19, 2003
Jingo all the way...
Posted Jun 12, 2002
Okay, so the World Cup is on and we've just had a Jubilee (Hip Hip Hoo-bloody-ray), and national pride (tm) is at a high. HOWEVER...
I live in a bit of Birmingham called Kingstanding, and whenever I leave the house there are yet more George Crosses and Union Jacks flying. Now, call me a party pooper, but I'm getting a bit nervous. It's funny how people go for years without a hint of patriotism/nationalism and then suddenly turn into the most British/English person on earth.
I sat in a pub the other day and overheard a conversation between two blokes, arguing over who was more patriotic. It got daft: "I've got a bigger flag on my car", "well I've got the Queen's face tattooed on my arse", etc.
SO WHAT? Isn't it enough to cheer on your country or celebrate someone having a job for fifty years without rubbishing every other country? The World Cup coverage has been a bit of a revelation, with the South Koreans going mental for their own squad but also giving great encouragement to other sides. A friend of mine who lives over there says that everyone has adopted another team to cheer for. Why can't we do that? Or is it a national trait that we hate everyone else (especially people we've beaten in wars...think about it) apart from the Irish, and that's just because it's an excuse to get bladdered on St Patrick's Day? I think I'm gonna emigrate.
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Latest reply: Jun 12, 2002
Why is gardening such hard work?
Posted Jun 7, 2001
While I'm not racing around collecting interesting stuff to put into The Guide, I tend to do a fair bit of gardening for friends and family who don't have the luxury of time like your average dole scum (ie me). I have noticed that, far from being the relaxing passtime the likes of Alan Titchmarsh would have you believe it is - gardening is f**kin' hard work (excuse my french)! Aching back, stiff arms, even the tips of your fingers get sore. Am I doing it wrong? Is there some secret technique that I don't know about that turns weeding a vegetable patch into a mystical, zen-like experience? I feel more like Charlie Chaplin than Charlie Dimmock (not that way, though). Although I don't need to wear a bra (being a bloke an' all), perhaps I should actively NOT wear one. Or go without pants. I don't know. I'm off to rub Deep Heat all over my body. Nothing to do with aching, just a little thing I have...
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Latest reply: Jun 7, 2001
The Great Ikea Scam...
Posted May 29, 2001
Has anyone else noticed that it is impossible to go from one part of Ikea to another with circumnavigating the entire store? I believe there is a sinister plot in operation which forces all Ikea patrons to look at all the other funky stuff in the store, and not just go straight to the bit they need. I know of some people who go in for a paper lampshade and come out with a new kitchen, bed settee and a comically named wine glass set. We must fight back! when entering Ikea, put on a blindfold and ask a member of staff to lead you to where you need to be. Maybe even pretend to be blind. Or fight fire with fire, and re-route delivery lorries all around the british motorway network (and maybe Holland's too), and see how they like it...
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Latest reply: May 29, 2001
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