h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi!
I thought I might pop 'round and introduce myself. I do that occasionally.
I am nicknamed The Dragonlady.
I am nobody special here, just me.
I am a Mother of 7, Grandmother of 1, Step-Mother of 2, and distant Step-Mother of 3. And a little .
I have Ancestors who are Cree, and a Blackfoot daughter. We're all a bit wild around our house, so a wild streak is with me.
Please feel free to stop by anytime.
It would be nice to talk to you.
Karen

Well hello right back attcha'!
Care for a lil' drinkie poo?
Herbal remedy smoke?
Johnson's baby valium?
Loo brush?

...*hands Dragonlady a gilded invitation to the Crossed Purposes Halloween party...*
It's actually one year loooong party...we jusss change the decorations, or burn the place down each month.

...*curtsies*...nice to meet you. Feel free to stop by my church of the Born Again Tart...b.a.t.s for short.

~meet ya' back here later! ~...*rides off on her dolphin to find a merman for the evening...*

Thanks for all the offers!
What is the "Crossed Purposes Halloween Party"?
I'd love to come, anyway!
Loo brush? Don't need too many of those in the trees!
Did you find your merman?
Karen

Oh Hon, I always get my man.

You have a Blackfoot daughter? I nearly married a Blackfoot when I was visiting guy pals in Texas...then I sobered up...Well, that's altogether a different story.

Click on my name...so you'll go to my home page...then jusss click onto the Crossed Purposes October thread...I do believe this will be the third annual Halloween party...prize for the best costume too! (were I not so 'puterly challanged...I would have posted the link) We go to a new thread each month. We sorta' have to as the Pub usually gets burned to the ground or filled with really yucky stuff or sumthin'.

Sounds like a lot of fun!
I would be there if I could!
My halloween is going to be spent moving. Moving six kids, myself, two pigs, a bunch of cats and dogs, and my chicken shack.
Then I gotta take the kids trick-or-treating. New town, and all. I gotta go with them.
Anyway, I will talk to you again, 'k?
Karen

I knew there was a reason I never had children.
Er, happy moving! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kids aren't so bad! (Most of the time)
Grandkids are GREAT! You get to spoil them rotten, and give them back to their parents after you do!
I miss having my grandson here. I got to see him today, though.
What a two-year-old he is!
He didn't want his "Grammie" to leave. It broke my heart when he started crying when I was going out the door.
And he is only the first of who-knows-how-many grandkids there is to come! Having seven of my own children, two step-children of my parnter's, and three step-children of my ex-husband's that live in another city, I will need to rent a hall for family gatherings!
Maybe we can follow your example, and burn the place down after we are through!?
Karen

I see by the last post I left out telling you not to forget the partridge in a pear tree.

I helped raise my Sister's boy: Aaron...after several years she took him back. There was never another smiling picture of him after that. He told me that he was 'only' happy when he was with his Nanny, Gramps & Aunt Val.
strings get pulled hard and often where I come from.

I also helped raise teen age twins.Living in the mansion with their father...and the servants...how weird is that?
Although is was rather nice to leave a note for the houseboy to get carrots. A few hours later...they were all clean and in little thingies in the crisper...

I also have former clients...from like the mid 80's who have kept in touch with me and now all have children...they send pictures & TRY to bring the kiddies for a visit. If I'm gonna' be around children...I wanna' have an activitey planned...and pick up time is vital. Kids love me..and parents don't call me to baby sit...

I also like the fact that very young children thnk I'm very musically talanted.

I know this sounds like the start of a jopke...but, how do you MOVE a chicken coop?

How do you move a chicken coop?
Well....
First you remove the chickens.
Then you take all of the boards off of the structure you painstakingly built - without help of any sort, because your teenagers are too busy smoking-up. Then you take the frame apart.
Then you load it onto a borrowed trailer, and wait until someone with a tow hitch can take the trailer, wood and all, to your new home.
Then you re-build the darned thing (with some help - finally) at the new place.
Then, in the spring, you get more chickens, because the ones you had could not withstand the cold temperatures and snow.
Speaking about kids, what would YOU do with an out-of-control-unparentable-teenager, who insists on abusing the Social Services system for her own ends, at the risk of destroying a family, because she doesn't want to follow rules at home?
My 15 year old daughter, the one who told the lies about me to DSS, is acting-up BIG TIME, and blaming me for her drug habits. Everyone here is afraid of her, and what she will do next - to try to hurt me, as it ends-up hurting everyone else, too.
I am desperately afraid of my own child. She's done it once, and I'm afraid she'll do it again.
Any ideas?
Karen

Well, she won't like this one bit...but it would be a really good idea if she were to spend time in a lock down joint. Every pun intended. I had many out of control teens as the Family Services Director of a psychology service.
First ask a thearpist if they know anyone on the juvy probation dept....they can always meet if the therapist doesn't know any.
Then...set it up for the hormonally challanged teen to be put into a lock down place nearest the/a therapist...after your daughter totally hates you and adores the therapist...the therapist will help with the transference back onto you...the diserving party.

True story: (as they all are) A family was sent to me from the Courts...seems the boy called his mother a bitch because she wasn't jumping thru his hoops quiet fast enough. The boy...12...
ran to a pay phone and call Children's Services!
Enter therapist...twice weekly...1 1/2 hrs per session at $90 per hour. Parenting books/classes, check...anger managent...check...code word "ICE" for out of control behavior...
i.e., instead of harming the poor developmentally growing ego of child by saying, "Stop acting like an idiot!". ect., the word ice would be the "chill out" word. So the parent might say, "Tommy, will you be a good sport and bring me a glass of ICE water?"...it worked...and after the mandatory 6...count um...6 months twice weekly...@ $135 per week...I was able to give them the needed certificate to return to normal living...all the legal stuff was done.
About 30 minutes after those clients had left the office...I got a phone call from the father. They all went home...the boy actually hung up his coat...ect...and then the father beat the living crap outta' the boy. He gave his son quarter and pointewd him to the nearest phone booth. He wanted his son to understand the difference between CHILD ABUSE and an insulted mother's smack across a rebelious mouth.
Luckily...the boy had learned enough during our sessions that he didn't want to put his *ahem* parents thru that again. I'm certain it had nothing whatsoever to do about what I said to him in the hallway after setting the little bugger up to be caught smoking pot whilst the parent argued.

As per the chicken coop...sorry 'bout the chickens.

...*bats her eyes and a shed is built in the North yard...*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That would be a great scenario, except for the fact that there are no such facilities near us. This is Northern Canada, eh?!
Our province gives all of the control and rights to the out-of-control teens, and to heck with the parents caught in the lies being told by the kids.
If a child says they don't "feel safe" in the home, all hell breaks loose. If a parent says they don't feel safe, nor do the other children in the home, because of a teen that has convinced Social Services that she is the victim of severe physical abuse is abusing the parent and other children, Social Services says....
"The burden of proof is on the parent, and children are always believed. There must be something wrong with the parent's ability to parent, or the parent's perception, so it is ultimately the parent's fault." Therefore, said parent is put through the mill, told to jump through a million hoops, called dirty names, and ruined in their community. And THAT, my friend, is what Social Services says is best for the family!
The only way my daughter will get help, is if she is arrested on her own time. The police in the area are aware of her activities, and know that she simply tried to get out of following rules at home. But, if she makes another report of "child abuse and neglect", they will have to follow through with another investigation. Thus, taking my other children out of the home again.
I am not guilty of the things that I was accused of. That doesn't matter to Social Services. They are in the business of protecting themselves, more than they are in the business of protecting the children they claim to protect.
This whole thing SUCKS!
Talk to you soon
Karen

...*smashes face into key pad...*

Listen...I was also an out of control teen. My parents moved and let me stay in the family home in the city where I was raised...
at 16 I had a glamor job washing dishes at The Blue and White Diner....After a year of trying to tap my parents for cash each week...I finally had to concede. I moved to this sleepy lil' Village.
I grew up.
I guess all I can do is try to be here for you.
I'd like to give those 'welfare' people a piece of my mind.
If I had any left...
Don't you have any old boy/girl friends in any position to help? Like someone w*rking at a Cop Shop?
The way your girl is behaving would indecate that there is childhood trauma involved. Something, more than likely caused before age nine...or about there...Trauma doesn't HAVE to be really traumatic...as "we" would think of it...it could be something as off balance as she didn't get the doll she just 'knew' she was gonna' get for Christmas when she was five...
If you can find anyone who w*rks in resolving traumatic memory...that would be the ticket. (healing the wounded child within and all that)
If you don't have the means...or opp...ask her if she'd like you to insulate the chicken coop so she can Winter over...
Stuff like this is why I went into private practice...I no longer get written up for telling it like it is.
Psycho-bable be damned...that child still has alot of growing up to do. Hmmmm...wonder if she would be interested in returning to Earth over and over until she gets the journey right?
...sounded like a threat...best not ask that...
I'm soooo sorry!!
Wish you were here!!

Isn't our system wonderful?!
My daughter was severly let down by an imperfect system. Not only that, we were all decimated by the lack of common sense, and copious amounts of antagonism, displayed by "Child Protective Services".
Things will not change until people stop viewing Social Work as an adversarial job, and start using common sense.
My partner is actually an RCMP Officer. He has been very wonderful with everything that has happened. He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of the situation. Unfortunately, all he can do is stand by me, as getting involved in the situation would be seen as a "conflict of interest" in his job. (We didn't get involved until well after the investigations were over, for that reason.)
By the way, he was the only person in the community who didn't believe the allegations against me. Even before we started seeing each other. Now even his boss sees that this whole business was absolute garbage, and told Social Services that.
My daughter suffered a frontal-lobe head injury when she was three months old. It was a result of a car accident, where she came out of her car seat. I believe that contributes to her lack of ability to understand consequence, and concepts of morality. I also believe that she DID experience an adult taking advantage of her sexually when she was 11. (The Youth Worker I worked with at the Native Healing Organization. He got to keep his job, even after my daughter revealed something about that to the boss there.)I couldn't ever prove it, but I sure tried.
I love her so much, and it is very difficult to let her hurt herself. Partly because she seems to want to hurt everyone else around her, too.
Thanks for all of the understanding and support. I don't mean to get mushy, but it means a great deal to me.
Karen

Mushy-smushy...I'm the 'warm fuzzy' type naturally...
Glad the RCMP are there. Sorry...couldn't help get a chuckle outta' that one. Poor fella' probably feels real bad for you.

Research with violent offenders (in prison) has proven that the frontal lobe DOES effect their ability with regard to impulse control. There may be drugs available right now that could help your girl!!! (Canada ALWAYS approves stuff before the US) That's the good news...really...and to educate her in this regard!
Aaron, my sister's son had brain surgery when he was five...as I raised him for awhile I saw him lash out as he never before had done. (I always tak the "zen" like approach to angery people)
When Aaron, i.e., through a pop in my face, because it was coke and he wanted rootbeer...(they didn't have rootbeer & I had told him so)...I tossed my coke back into his face. As he stood there stunned...along with a few dozen people at the beach...I gentally reexplained that since his brain works differently now, than most other people's...he'd best practice changing mad feelings into okay feelings ASAP. I never had another problem with him that couldn't be stopped cold, as it were by making a joke about 'face coke'.
Kids love me.
The worst kid I ever w*rked with hacked his mother to bits with a hatchet. Isn't that a wonderful way to die?
Please put a deadbolt on the inside of your bedroom door and use it.

I really AM here for you. I logged on just now to see if you had posted.
Don't worry Hon, between me and the Mounty......we've got your back! (his in person...mine via h2g2)

I can't keep a secret...that's your sanity in that box!
...*jumps and spins around happily...* Bet you were wondering where that went! It's all lubes up and ready to go,even the *tires*
have been rotated...go on...give it a try on...I'll be back to look you over later.
s come in many shapes...don't let the fruit of your loins suck the life outta' you...this life belongs to you...you own your space as do we all...my space is filled with incense and zen like stuff...rocks...wood...plants...animals...telescope...
and LOTS ofI always sing like everyone's deaf! I have fun in my space. And Lord, how the outside tries to get in! Life can be toxicor sweet
All depends on how 'WE' react. (if you begin to react differently to your daughter...she'll have no choice but to react differently to you...one person jussss can't have a decent fight)

Oh, did I mention...ahhh...nevermind...you wouldn't believe how awful my life would be if I wern't rubber.
You know...I am rubber you are glue...what's said to be bounces off and sticks on you.

You're great!
Thanks for the little kick in the right direction.
It would be nice for my daughter to have an opportunity for sanity, if a drug like that was available. The one thing that stands in her way is herself. Social Services tells me that I can't force her to go to counseling, a doctor, or even be educated about her frontal lobe thing. SHE has to want to do it! If I try to get it for her, I am violating her choice, and being abusive.
Go figure! A Mom who has her child's best interests at heart, and tries to get her the help she needs, is called ABUSIVE!?! I tried for a number of years to get some help for her, and us, and I was still told that I was abusing her, and neglecting her at the same time, because SHE claimed I was.
The girl looks like a little angel, and can manipulate the best of them into believing that she is a helpless victim of ANY wrong. (Lethal controller.) If I EVER threw a coke in her face, she would have me arrested on the spot! I won't even touch her anymore, because I'm afraid of what she will try to say about it. She has even accused her father of being a pervert - saying that he was looking at her breasts. I was there, and he was looking toward her as he was talking to her, NOT looking at her breasts.
won't spend any time alone with her, because he's afraid she'll make allegations about him. All totalled, there have been five grown men that she had accused of some sexual misconduct. She is also claiming that every boy in the school "wants on her", because she is "so hot".
I tried taking her to the Sexual Assault Centre, so she could have someone to talk to. But, she told Social Services that I was accusing her of being a slut, which wasn't the case at all.
Besides, in our new house, I don't get my own room. I get a landing at the top of the stairs. No door even. I don't want to be hacked to death with a hatchet!
I will talk to you soon.
Thanks for everything!
Karen

welllll...you could lay out rice paper or little bells or sumthi'n so you could hear her coming.
There's a really good book...let's see if I can recall the name...
It's by Dr. Richard Gardner (last name sp?) entitled: Bonified and fabracated sexual abuse allocations. (I can't believe I remembered that!!!! )...*once again she proves there is a bit of long term memory remaining...*
I loooooove young ladies like that one of yours. I chew them up in about twenty minutes.
I still, as I said, have "kids" stopping by, sending me their kids pics. etc.. So many girls esp. swear they'd be dead or worse...if they hadn't talked to me. Even when I was letting them think they were in control...I also "let" them come to *ahem* their own conclusions.
Did I mention that I did a weekly Boys Group just when rap music hit the streets? Each session I had a different boy bring his favorite tape....I use to spend much of the session thankng God for Stress Management. Ain't that wack? See, I'm down with that. My dog! Yeah. I know jusss how to get the diddely-opp from the homies. WORD.
the boys were 13-18 & all sent by the court...noone else in a tri county area would touch these kids with someone else's couch......may be why there's that bit-o-grey along my temples...or sumthin'.

Okie-dokie...well your RCMP friend is wise.
We need to do some brainstorming...I feel so helpless cuz I'm here and she's there.
All is not lost...get Gardners book...(a library can order it & you can borrow it...if you didn't know or forgot that...) you'll be better able to deal with the crap she's slinging and you'll probably educate the flippin' scocial w*rkers...whodon't really seem to be w*rking very flippin' hard....*smashes head onto drafting table as the key pad is becoming too battered from repeadted pounding by face...*

I love you already!
Yesterday was one crisis after another. I had a panic attack because the school bus was a half hour late. The last time my kids were that late, they didn't come home for months.
(I am working with someone about these panic attacks.)
My daughter was a total b**ch, and started saying awful things to and about everyone.
I am trying to get packed, because the move was moved to tuesday, and these daily crises get in the way. I was a wreck because of the fear, and my daughter was trying to bully me into letting her spend the night at her boyfriend's house this weekend. She even told me that the social worker told her that I had to allow her to be a kid, and spend time with her friends, otherwise I wouldn't be a good Mom. I just told her that we had to pack everything. THAT was the priority - not going to visit friends - because if we weren't ready to go, and left stuff here, we would have to pay another month's rent here, plus the rent at the new place. That would mean that nobody would get Christmas presents, and probably not get birthday presents in the next year.
My other kids understood the message, but they are being affected by all of this drama. They see my daughter getting away with murder, and are starting to say things like: "If she isn't helping, why should we?"
I love my daughter with all my heart. I hate the things she is doing. And this "Child Protective Services" system has done a great deal of damage and dis-service to her by pandering to her lies. They have literally supported her pattern of lethal control.
I have an appointment with the "Community Wellness Co-Ordinator" today. (In about 45 minutes) I am going to talk to her about when she talks to my daughter. I am going to tell her the truth about the crises we are experiencing daily, and ask for her help in finding a way for my daughter to get anger management, or something. The thing is - my daughter never got ANY services offered to her when she was in foster care, because Social Services saw only a sweet, innocent, kind, helpful, honest, hurt little girl (Actual description given by intake worker about my daughter) who was making some very serious allegations about how I treat her and her brothers. Then they used the fact that I had spanked my children on the butt (no more than two swats) if they did something really seriously wrong, to justify that I was an abusive parent. (Spanking is not illegal here, either by a parent or by a teacher). It was not a normal occurrance, extremely infrequent in fact, but I had said that I did spank them. Then they said that because my daughter said that I had yelled at her, that I needed anger management and parenting classes. When I told them that I sometimes yelled to get a child's attention, because of the noise levels in my home at times - when everyone else was talking loudly or yelling themselves, they told me I was delusional and court-ordered a psychiatric evaluation for me (that came out squeaky clean, by the way).
I wish you were here. I miss my Elder (Not saying that you are an Elder, only that I miss her advice. You're a friend.).
You should get yourself a cork-board to smash your head into. They don't get so wrecked!
is going to talk to the kids' Dad about this. They get along really great. He is leery about everything that is happening, too. He wants my daughter to get help, and not destroy the family in the process.
I am scared, and at the same time hoping, that my daughter will try to run away. I just don't want Social Services to pull something like they did before, and try to blame me for her choices. I have asked to talk to everyone else at work, and ask them to stop my daughter if they see her hanging around, and check if she's drinking or smoking up. Maybe if others get involved in knowing about what is REALLY going on, it won't be so easy to attack me. She will either stop doing those things, or do them more. If she gets caught with such things, it will be her that is responsible, not me.
I don't know if these things are any good. I am totally befuddled with this. I wish I could send her to boot camp! When she went to Cadet Camp, she did very well, because she had strict structure.
I've had enough of the accusations against me. It doesn't do anybody any good. I am a very good Mom. My daughter should not be able to control an entire family like this.
Thanks for listening. I'm sorry if this is bothersome.
Karen

The community Wellness Co-Ordinator couldn't come when she was supposed to. There has been a violent assault on the Rez here, and she is working with the RCMP, and hospital staff, in helping the family right now. (Another long day for . He's supposed to be off today!)
By the way, Do you know why I refer to as ?
When we started dating, he gave me a pair of regulation as a sort of a joke. He said that if he ever got out of control, I had his permission to him to a post and leave him there to cool off. He did this because my second husband used to beat me and intimidate me into not telling anyone. just wanted me to know I could trust him.
Anyway, one day when he was standing at the sink doing the dishes I had already said I was going to do after going to the little girls' room, I snuck up behind him with the and put them on him. I told him to sit down and let me do the darn dishes. After I was done, I went to get the key from the dresser in the bedroom, and it wasn't there. We looked for the key for almost 45 minutes, and were thinking that we would have to call someone from work to come and bring a key!
It turns out that his 14 year old son (Another "special" child. He is actively trying to break us up by doing some really rotten stuff to me.) who doesn't respect his father's privacy, went into the bedroom and "tidied" his father's dresser. The key had fallen off the dresser, and ended-up underneath the bed.
We didn't end up calling anyone. THANK THE POWERS THAT BE! How embarrassing would that have been?! And I have never used the handcuffs as a joke again. (Or for any other reason, either.)
We don't have boot camps for children here in Canada. (Bunch of bleeding-heart, left-wing pansy-a**, do-gooder politicians!)
I think I am going to try to talk to my other kids about them doing what is right, regardless of what way my daughter is acting.
I know that moving is one of the seven highest "stressers" in a person's life. I can only hope that after we are moved, and away from the fear we experience about the personal attacks that have happened (see my journal entries), that some of the crises will abate.
Thanks, again, for being here! I really appreciate it.
Take care of yourself, and give yourself a big from me.
Karen

...*hugs herself so hard she cracks a rib... * I really love myself.

Next outburst from ...just say, "Honey, save that meladrama for the stage...you're a natural!"......then just go about your business......like I said...a 'different' reaction from you...will quickly become a domino effect...after awhile, I feel the smart part of her senses will come into play...and all will be well with your World.
The End.

...hope it w*rks out that way.

I have a couple hanfcuff stoies mydamnedself.

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Same s**t, different pile!

Thanks for the encouragement. You must think I'm a bit loony.

Right now I'm taking a well needed break from the packing and moving junk. I'm really tired, and going nuts because nobody here will help, or listen to their Mom.
This stuff we're going through is kinda like the ripple effect, where the ripples keep getting bigger, and affecting more people. What can I say to my other kids who say "T isn't helping, why should we?" I've got no good answers.
I've decided to have a half glass of sake that I keep around here for cooking, and stuff my face full of chocolate. Maybe I'll chill out a little.

My 16 year old blind son is having such anger outbursts right now, too. I have tried to talk to him, and say that it isn't ok for him to act like that, but he's angrier than spit at my daughter, and is reacting severely to her crap.

I am going to go finish my sake, and make some supper. You take care. Have a party in my name, ok?

Karen