h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

really screw you up. man.

heck. I'm not even doing none of the fun illegal ones... and they're still screwing me up

Hormones and steroids. Sometimes do odd things to me.

gneerally speaking I'm so weak, still after the chemo etc.

yet.

I broke, with one hand, a lockin gsteel collar in the earl hours, when I got really peed off with myself and my clumsy walking into things, accidentially hurting myself, cutting myself, and not being able to sleep, and my stpuid thoughts I don't want.

I really oughta try not hurting myself so much, but its weird. wehn my shoulders so painful I can't sleep, aching, etc, if I belt it as hard as I can with my right fist, right on the shoulder, tthe concentrated pain is far easier to cope with, and eventually I do sleep. but. I kno... its... just not right and its probably wrong too.

gona try find a physiotherapist, no point talking to the hospital, they've finished with me, I think, as far as they'r econcerned, so they've just given up. so tired.

Meditated a lot of the afternoon/evening.

cooked up a big pile of pasta, enough to last ... more days than I thought

had some of the pasta, tonight, with lettuce, and cucmber, and ceaser dressing, fried off a chicken breast, in strips, to go into that, fresh ground black pepper, grated cheese, and fried up some bacon until chrispy, to top it all with

washed up.... cleaned the oven trays/grill pan and sort of vaguely tried to clean the oven; can't really do it with my crapped up left arm though err, one of those thing, yeh I'm ment to be right handed, but the oven due to the angle, or something its nearly impossible to do properly with my right arm swept, mopped, cleaned worktops and cooker top, cleaned in utility room, and de-fennuffed the tricky to get too bit inside the filter thinggy on the tumble dryer

meditated some more... ,zen> fennel tea
and, went back to look at E-mails I won! well, only EBay auctions but even so two new blouses one raseberry/pink and the other 'candy strip'; both 100% linen still say I need a bigger handbag... but no one will let me get one... - they all say, if I get a bigger handbag, I'll just fill it with more... stuff... well... yeh
I don't think I keep much in it, really... but then this one is quite small.
viscotears, single dose, useually half a dozen celluvis about the same amount
hydrocortisone 10 MG and 5 MG tablets nail files, three, Lip butter cuticle oil pen sunglasses IPod in-ear headphones wetwhipes a pack of tissues penknife and a cigarette lighter - nah. I don't smoke. haven't now since the ... what was it? 4th feb or something? I can't really recall but, I feel I should always carry a cigarette lighter, just.... because one should Oh, and useually a couple tubs of Swedish snus... err... yeh, so I quit smoking and someone* gave me a snus addiction instead not. my. fault! honest. Oh, and I've also got my small bottle of perfume in my handbag too and, for a random reason, at the moment, a can spray of deoderant that I bought in the shop earlier hmmm.... must get some silk hankerchiefs to carry in it I think

right... must go clean the bath...... anything that might help ease this shoulder/arm a bit... well, plus any excuss for a bath bomb, and a bath melt and... well... damnit... I miss the chemo drugs... - gotta shave again taht was one chemo benifit I could have lived with forever although, for some curious reason, my armpit hair hasn't (as yet?) returned I think that hair regrowing may be one reason I'm getting really itfhy itchy sometimes

managed to not take an extra hydrcortisone today, so at least I'm back on 'normal' dosage and vaguely normal timings for that, which I hope may aid sleeping tonight

which reminds me.

My new (est) girlfriend, the deligtful girl from Lush who loves me gave me a new present last time I was in, something she'd gotten from the Oxford street store; a 'temple balm/bar'? its gorgoeus smelling...... lavender and I think maybe vervaine and possibly some darker undertones like sandlewood in it, ment to aid sleep one rubs a bit onto ones' temple, befor esleep apparently so I must try that tonight

oo, and if I can try for a ... regular for me, sleep time, I can think about popping some melatonin tonight, skipped that the last two nights, as I was, not sleeping and my serkadian was all over the place so to speak



William doesn't know this yet... but... next... err, no the month after next, we're going to London... well, OK he does know we're going to London, its an informal type 'meet' with some of my friends I've made recently online, we've all had ABVD chemo, basically over the same period of time, and most of us also did various hits at radiotherapy, all with hodgkin's, at various stages, and, anyhow, we're all meeting up for a meal and in London, on the weekend of my birthday, by chance and so our 'partners' and SO's and fiances/maritals can go off and windge about what freaking nutcase weirdso we've all been for the past year

anyhow... what William doesn't know.... I'm gona book us into a hotel for the weekend, and, as its my birthday weekend, and as I'm a bondage princess, and... just because.... He's going to take me to the big new Lush store on Oxford Street - I'm gona make sure he's got his credit card.... apparently... its 'big'... like on several floors I mean... just...

oo. heck. I've not even decided what I'll wear to go to London in yet... maybe the red jacket/blazer, or the new green one, when it arrives... I must get some new shoes...

I apore normality. and all it stands for.

My radiation death mask, is currently wearing a purple feather boa. just.... because...

right. must go clean the bath... and stuff... innit.