h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well ... I'm now so triggered that I don't even *feel* anything any more. There's nobody left here to feel... nobody left who *could* feel. Only a lightheadedness ... a pleasant, distant, fuzzy sensation... dissolving, drifting away... see you all later, I hope. I've been knocked out for the count. Pleasant dreams... I hope. Okay .... now I at least feel a vague sense of sadness and loss. Vague and all-pervasive. At least that's something.

S**t.


~big hugs~ and utterly sorry

*blanches, and echoes Shee*

Willem?

Hi Willem

I don't know what's going on right now, but I hope you're alright. If you need to talk you know all your friends are here, okay?

Take care, we're thinking of you.



Peta

I just called Will and I've been assured that he's safe. I can't say more than that he's concerned about the effect the medication is having on him. I imagine the uncertainty of these treatments on his feelings are causing him the most distress, but he's assured me that he's holding on and his family are with him. I know we'll be holding on with him too.

We still love you Will, that won't ever change.

I did *not* put those astrisks in.


Thank you Chris, for letting us know.

Thank you Willem, for being a great person.

No, it won't

Just adding my "me, too."

Me, too.

NBY

Hi all; like Chris said, I am in no immediate danger. It is indeed my medication that is causing the majority of the triggering ... every time the unpleasant side effects hit me I'm reliving the poisoning episode of 1992 and its aftermath, which was extremely bad. It also ends up blowing any *other* potentially triggering factors up to a very disproportionate size. So I got extremely panicky and retreated somewhere very deep inside. There was someone left at the controls, though ... someone with very numbed feelings and with a very ill-defined sense of self, but with still enough of a sense of responsibility to keep me safe. It appears I have a very great variety of coping strategies ... I needed time out. I needed to reassure myself over and over again that I am not in the immediate danger I perceived myself as being in; that this is *now*, not *then*; it's not the same situation; things are not as bad as they seem; things can get better. I needed to dream ... I did indeed have a lot of very weird and crazy dreams. I can't remember them all, but I can remember some of them, and they give me an indication of what the core of my problems are. I'm sorry for upsetting people ... the one left standing simply *did not know* whether there was anything to worry about, or not; s/he did not know if my situation was serious or not; s/he was the kind that *could not* worry about anything because everybody here who could do that was tripped out because of the extremity of the feelings provoked by what I allowed myself to care about...

Hi Willem,

I don't know you. Your friend Hoovooloo gave me a link and said to come here and be cheerful at you . Well, I don't know if I can do that, exactly, but I can be supportive.

What you described about feeling with your meds is not very uncommon, I'm under the impression. Psychoactive drugs have improved drastically in some ways, and in others, they're still basically a combination of trying to address imbalances that vary widely from person to person, and not have extremely dangerous adverse-reactions. With your diagnosis, like you said, your treatment options are pretty limited.

It sounds to me like your coping mechanisms are layered pretty well to cover contingencies. If you'd like to tell me more about the "poisoning episode of 1992" I might be able to give you a little bit of assistance separating what happened then from what's happening now. But you don't have to. I can see that despite what is, in the vast majority of patients your age, a totally debilitating condition, you're doing superbly at managing your needs and care. You have no idea how many people with paranoid schizophrenia end up off their prescriptions, and do street-drugs instead, and by your age, they've been dead for several years.

Remember something, if you can, son. You are obviously very, very intelligent. I didn't understand all of what you wrote, especially about Valerie and another girl, but I do see that you have clearly got ways to cope when you're so whacked out you don't want to be home. As long as you can safely not be home sometimes, you know you can live through any suicidal episodes, by retreating and going on autopilot. Now you know you've got an autopilot, it'll work even better. Paranoia is a very challenging condition. You are brave to face it, braver to talk about it, and braver still to keep going in the face of setback after setback (which is unfortunately how this illness seems to go).

If you haven't already, obviously, you've got to have a SERIOUS talk with your psychiatrist. There is a balance, I've heard, for paranoid schizophrenics, and it's not just a fine line, but it also moves around, between enough medication to help, and too much, which can be scary. If a person who is paranoid gets scared OF his medication... well, I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happens. So the trick is for you to learn to control where that line is, in you, so you never let your level of sedation (which varies depending on what you eat, how much you sleep, how much exercise you get, and whether you've been happy, bored, busy, or any other thing) frighten you, even if it's too much for ideal.

It is just a drug. It will wear off. If you're taking the right dosage at the same time every night, it should have roughly the same effect and last roughly the same amount of time, in theory, every night. That's in a lab, not in a human body! Like I said, all kinds of factors can move that hairline between "feels better" to "feels okay" to "feels like hell how fast can I make this wear off???" You can't speed that up, really. You only make it feel more like hell by being afraid and being emotionally rushed to make it wear off. It's just a drug.

You're a bright guy. I suggest you read up on the metabolite half-life (or ask your doctor or pharmacist to explain) of the medications you're on. Find out whether they're flushed through liver, kidneys, or both, and whether it's a lipid-soluble drug or not. Find out what that means in terms of how it lingers in your body. And read up on the neurochemical action. It's interesting stuff, and since you are obviously interested in health, and this is YOUR BRAIN ( and this is your brain on drugs -- sorry, couldn't resist. ), you ought to know. Make it your business to learn how the stuff is supposed to work. I believe, not in the "placebo effect", but in a sort of holistic way of making an effort to sync my mind to my meds.

Yeah, I'm a psychiatric patient at the moment. For most of the superficiae, see my page. Ask questions if you like. I may have to say ... I'd just as soon not discuss it, about some things.

I'm not young like you. I've spent 22 years breathing formaldehyde and other strong chemical agents. I am now on a cocktail of antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs and mood-levellers (which I hate) and a very teensy tiny dose of antipsychotic, that helps me sleep without the horrors, sometimes. I studied all the neurochemical actions of the drugs, all the other effects that are not intentional, but just happenstance, and everything else I could get my hands on. I hate the mood-levellers because I don't trust the drug, so I'm fighting it. I know it. I'm going to ask to change to one I know is less neurotoxic. The other stuff, I've psyched myself into working WITH. I know how it's supposed to work. It's my body, I can make this stuff work right for me. It's not "scientific", but I'm not a normal scientist. My mind slipped a few gears. This stuff is supposed to help me get them back in place. I'll help it help me.

I think if an old like me can do it, and not be a health-food eater or a fitness person, you definitely can. .

You have my best wishes and my full support. Good luck. I hope to talk to you again sometime.

Quincy

to Willem and Chris, both.

Quincy, thanks from me as well for the excellent observations. I have a family member who is currently struggling with adjustments in hir meds, and is very frightened by the real and reported side-effects. The fear has obviously contributed to the drastic and near-fatal reactions to the new stuff, and your comments have made that much more clear to me (and, I suspect, Willem too.)

Thank you. And thanks to all the rest of you for your show of support and solidarity: maybe there's some small hope for the human race yet.

-7rob7

I've been accused, in the past, of being just a little cynical.

Yeah, I know. I have trouble believing it too.

It's hard to maintain a healthy level of cynicism when I come to this thread and see people in South Africa, England, the United States, and maybe some other countries, joining together and really communicating and offering each other support.

There is hope.

Indeed there is!

Chris

(pointing out that I wouldn't have got involved in any capacity - or become friends with Will - or y'selves, or others come to that, had it not been for the PTSD triggers article *you* wrote, NBY )

¦M¦

*copies Ming Mang*

All the best wishes I can send, after so long off the net. I hope you are feeling better, and I hope you know, and continue to know, our support is endless!

x x Fenny (UT)

I want to add my thanks to Quincy for a most informative post. And say hello to Willem, keep hanging in there. JE

You're most welcome everybody. Glad some of you found what I said useful. This is one brave mensch! If anyone has news on Willem, would you mind updating this thread, so's the good people here can all know? I know I would like to be updated, and I don't even know the guy, but... a man who inspired his own personal LOVE COLLECTIVE can't be all bad, huh?

If anyone has any questions, remember, I am not going to give actual medical advice, because that is not legal even for physicians, and I'm not a practicing clinical physician. But experience and generalizations, I don't mind making comments from, so long as you know it's just that. For medical advice, seek help from your doctor, please!

Quincy

Hey Quincy. Your advice was of value thank you. As for updates ... I still feel/fear I cannot be a part of human society. I feel incapable of adapting to a world that I experience as being extremely hostile to myself/ves. I am confused.