h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm, like, in this play at school, right? So I have, like, 5 things that I say, and I'm supposed to be this total bitch, and it's kind of cool, even though I don't have many lines, y'know? So right, I'm, like, almost all through and we're into dress rehersals and stuff, and I notice that there are these patches of dry skin around my eyes. So I'm blaming it on the dry air in the dorms, because believe me, they are sooo dry. Like I wake up in the night and I feel lile I'm being mummified alive. So anyway, I ignore it and it's no big deal, k? But then it keeps getting worse, and now I can feel, like, bumps all over my face, even though you can't see them yet. So I'm, like, okay, whatever, and I just start putting face lotion on my face, right? So it keeps getting worse. By now it's all over my face and a little down onto my neck and it's really obvious, like, red, and I'm freaking out 'cuz I'm, like, hormonal anyway right now and I would feel hideous without all this crap on my face, y'know? And then it occurs to me, duh! I'm allergic to the stage makeup. But of course I don't notice this until, like, three hours before rehersal, so I went on today wearing it anyway, 'cuz it's not like I can just not wear it, y'know? But I, like, told Jan (the director, she's majorly cool) and she's going to go to the store or something and get me some hypo-allergetic shit for my face. In the mean time, though, I look like the missing link between lizards and monkeys and I freak out when my bluebird touches my face, even though he's cool about it and pretends not to notice how horribly disfigured I really am. Just like he doesn't notice the ten pounds I've finally gained back.

So that's my story - I'm hideous, but my bluebird's super awesome.

And just for Megan, I wrote this in blonde speak, because we all know that she's blonde at heart.