h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi GreyDesk

I didn't mean to come across so flippant in the Embarrassing Thing thread...

In fact I think the Sharon Stone quote could in itself be one of my more Embarrasing h2g2 moments... Sorry.

As jwf says:

~peace~

agcB

Hi agcB

Sorry I didn't notice this conversation earlier, as I go straight into the My Forum Postings bit when I log on bypassing My Space entirely. I'm not ignoring you in a huff.

Don't worry about what you wrote, no offense was taken. Actually yours is rather a nice quote to file for later use. I suppose really I'm being a bit fraudulent with my stories as don't find them at all embarrassing. In actual fact I've been using them for years in pub conversations on "whats the worse thing that happened to you..."

Funnily enough I usually win

Hi GreyDesk

Thanks for the reply. I didn't feel ignored.

I must admit, I didn't feel particularly embarrased by anything I posted in the thread. I decided aged about 28 that I couldn't be bothered to be embarrased, and most of the things I posted happened since then. But Red Dog sounded so desperate when he founded the thread that I had to post something. I do feel a bit shifty about the 5 Billy Joel CDs though...!

All the best, and keep them - ahem - coming!

B

I haven't read the backlog, so I didn't know you had 5 Billy Joel CDs. Now that is embarrassing.

So you want to hear more? Well the selection runs
- Collapsing bed versions 1 and 2
- "Oi, When are you going to notice I'm shagging your girlfriend"
- The shower incident
- The ticket inspector
- "Where am I, and where are my clothes"

Why not write a guide entry?

If I had to choose from the above stories I'd pick "I'm shagging your girlfriend" or "Where am I, and where are my clothes"

Sorry about the CDs...

***B

Hey GD - you never did tell those stories.

I have just read the You Suck lyrics and laughed out loud. Unfortunately my speakers dont work so I can't hear it. Are they a US or a UK band?

One of the saddest things about AIDS is what it has done to oral sex...

Take care, and keep 'em coming!

***B

Yeah I know I stopped on the stories. I sort of got the feeling that I was the only one digging himself into a hole and got a bit self conscious. Not embarrassed as such, but just that sort of feeling you get when you're humming to your walkman on the tube and you realise everyone is watching you. Now that its picked up a bit I will start posting again.

The song is brilliant and is from Consolidated's finest album "Play More Music" released in 1992. The music is kind of West Coast hip-hop meets electronic/industrial music, add a bit of humour and s**t loads of leftwing politics and Bob's yur Uncle. The album is still available as far as I know, and I'm sure you can pick up samples from the Amazon and HMV sites.

The track in question I've ripped the CD and I'll stick it in an e-mail to you (hope your inbox can take 4Mb)

GD

B*gger the message was too big
If you'ld like a copy I will try to split it up into several files and try again.

GD ([email protected])

Sarcastic Feminist Anarchy - my kind of music.

Thanks for thinking of sending it to me, but one of the peculiarities of my PC is that it's speakers won't play music (Something weird about the drivers, but they are in-built speakers, which makes pissing around with them more bother than it is worth).

But thanks for the offer. I will be adding it to my list of CDs to buy.

Take care

a gal called Ben

I've posted the "Oi when are you going to realise I'm shagging your girlfriend" story over at the embarrassing moments thread.

'Tis ready for your perusal and general amazement of just how dumb some folk can be....

I absolutely am generally amazed by that!

The last guy I was regularly sleeping wih and I played a complex and pretty pointless game of bluff and double bluff. God knows why, but it amused us at the time.

We were both working on assignment abroad with a large number of Brits, and a handful of Americans. I was working with the Americans who were giving me a pretty tough time for a variety of reasons. One in particular was mesmerised by my personal circumstances, which were fairly complex, involving a divorce and the discovery of marital infidelity, not to mention my mother dying and all sorts of other stuff.

I did not need the Americans to know that I was having it off three times a week; so I would eat with the Americans as usual, and then I would meet up with Mr S, leaving usually around 1.00 or 2.00. I would get into my own bed, get some sleep, and drag myself up at 7.30, shagged out and senseless.

I don't think the Americans ever rumbled us. But the Brits on the other hand thought we were at it for far longer than we were. Or maybe they didn't. In fact I have no idea what they thought...

Before we got together we indulged in some serious flirting, and I ended up thoroughly compromised based on his wishful thinking and my total inability to turn down a dare.

One of the Brits would send out an email on Fridays asking for people to share taxis to the airport, or to go out with on a Saturday night. Shortly after my mother died, but before her funeral, S came through to the office I was working in and asked if I was up for a wind-up. This tickled my sense of humour, and of course the answer was "yes". So he sent out an email saying "Sorry I can't help with the night out on Saturday; Ben and I are going home for the weekend". And indeed we were: he to his own home, and me to my mother's funeral.

This became a Friday ritual. If S had already left I would send out the email, and we once got someone else to send one out on our behalf saying "I know S and Ben have made other plans".

We escalated this at the dos put on by the Brits, because we would arrive together and late, and leave together and early.

But then what do you do when everyone thinks you are having it off, and suddenly you are, but you don't want people to think so?

Not much you can do about it, really. So we carried on sending out the emails, arriving late and leaving early, and generally behaving thoroughly irresponsibly. Mr S was the one who used the imortal phrase "she just stopped by to freshen up" when we came out of his room with that just-shagged look one evening.

In fact that was the evening one of his colleagues commented on how tired he always was in the mornings. I took that as a compliment.

All over now. But fun while it lasted.

agcB

Hi

Just moseying on by to say that I have posted another sexual embarrasment story: 144 in the usual thread.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F19585&thread=107344&skip=140&show=20

All the best

Ben

Yeah I'd seen it already. Nice story I hadn't made a comment as, like all males, I have worries and issues over this size -v- technique question

Sorry - I hadn't really thought about that. But as someone who is definitely hour-glass rather than bean-pole, I know the size-versus-technique angst too, albeit the other way round.

Let's just say that I stand by my reply to bornonthe20th's question. He was a sweetie, and we did have some very good times in bed and out of them. Long time ago now, though.

agcB

There was an interesting bit of research done a few years back about body shape and what people fancied.

In the experiment men and women were given a set of pictograms depicting both sexes in a range of sizes from beanpole to orca. They then had to mark what body shape of the opposite sex they found attractive, and what body shape of their own gender they thought the opposite sex found attractive.

Well when the results came, the shape of a man that women fancy and what men think women fancy came out as identical (about 5.2 on a 1 to scale). However the results for women's body shapes were wildly different. Men fancied about a 5.5 yet women thought men fancied about 4.5!

So what's with all this dieting and general self hatred then? Haven't women noticed that men couldn't really care less, and that we will NEVER notice when you've had your hair done.

Oddly enough that doesn't surprise me. I personally can't imagine that toast-racks feel that good in bed, however great the sassy little dresses that they wear may look. And I think that women do consistantly underestimate how they look. Not entirely a bad thing, can you imagine if 50% of the population had the sexual confidence they are entitled to?

I was about 19 when I realised that I would never understand what it is that men fancy in women. I had a friend called Tim who had intimidatingly high standards in feminine beauty. We were sitting in a bar one day, and he got all moony about one of the girls across the room. I thought she was only average, not even average pretty, just average. But Tim went on and on and on about how clear her eyes were.

And you guys have been surprising me relatively regularly ever since.

All the best

agcB

"...can you imagine if 50% of the population had the sexual confidence they are entitled to?"

Hmmm... You are absolutely right of course, but should that occur, do you mind if this man for the hills.

Absolutely. The thought is terrifying isn't it? Mind you, the men could run but they could not hide - the hills would be full of both sexes.

Have you seen the email suggesting sending women into Afghanistan instead of troops? I'll forward it to you if you haven't.

All the best

Ben

No I haven't seen that. I'ld like to take a look

On its way....