h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was a child, I thought adults knew what they were doing.
In fact, I needed them to know what they were doing.
And I needed them to tell me when they didn't know what they were doing.
I needed to know that they became confused, so that I wouldn't feel so bad when I did.
I needed to know that they made mistakes, so that I wouldn't feel like a failure when I did, too.
But they told me what they wanted to hear.
When I was a young teen, my brother and I were molested by an elder in our church, a church that was engaged in a campaign to remove pornography from the community.
When I told my parents about it, they told me to stay away from him, but they told him nothing, they did nothing.
When I told one of the deacons at the church, nothing happened.
He's still alive. He's still at that church.
My brother heard from my mother earlier this year that she had had a conversation with this man. My brother called him from four states away that evening and told that man to leave his family alone, and, crying, asked him if he never thought about what he had done to his poor mother. Because she was why we were there on his property. We were helping her with yardwork. So this man was not only a pervert, but he was a pervert on his mother's property.
My brother and I are in our late thirties and we still tremble at the memory. I wish that we had only read about such things. I wish that somebody had done something. But the adults let us down. And they still are. When I talked to a deacon at the church I'm attending now about how I don't trust churches and deacons, he said you have to let it go. No. I hug it and polish it and I watch and listen to my child. If she ever tells me what I told my parents, I will do some telling of my own.
It is the covert perversion that worries me, not the out in the open kind. I think I will say,"Good night."

I personally know other people who were victims of sexual attacks and incest. I have been fortunate enough not to have been so traumatized.

Those who say, let it go, are those who perpetuate the conditions that permit such things to happen. If they tell you to pretend it doesn't exist, it is because they are unwilling to face such events for reasons of their own. They are not thinking of you when they ask you to pretend that something that did happen did not.

To me there is nothing so heinous as to traumatize a child and the next thing worse is to lead a child into a situation where that child might become traumatized.

If society has any obligation more sacred than protecting the next generation I don't know what it is. The trouble is that some of us are so committed to structures which we believe uphold our society that we begin to yield our values in favor of preserving the structure in the mistaken belief that the structure provides the protection we or the children require.

A corrupt man is not a sign that a structure is corrupt but a structure that hides corruption for the sake of the structure is already serving itself rather than the people. And is even more likely to be hiding more corruption.

Your story is a clear indication of the problems that I am talking about. If the man who did this to you is still alive, he should be confronted in a way that makes it clear that not only is he guilty of a crime (and likely a sin in his church) but the community that acted to conceal his guilt is equally guilty and reprehensible.

Beware, however, such a structure will try its best to strike back. Prepare yourself for attack and marshall whatever forces you can in your defense.

As far as covert perversions versus out in the open perversion, there is no difference. The more open the perversion, the larger the structure involved in supressing its significance.

If you like, I can put you in touch with people who's childhood experiences were similar to yours. Simply send me email at the address on my space here and I will send you the addresses of some people you can talk to if you choose.

Please believe that you have my full sympathy and my desire to help if I can.

Barton

Much appreciated. We've got a small thread of mutual commisseration among victims going on at one of my journal entries.

I'm pleased to hear that you have found some support.

Take care.

Barton