h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Mrs B!
I'm back in the saddle again. Things are still f***ed but I think my head is clear and I'm happy to be back.
Let me know when your about so we can have a chinwag!

You called?

Nice to see you back Mr. Sorry to hear 'stuff' isn't as sorted as you'd wish, still, least you appear more about whatever 'it' is! Wachadoooooin?

Slightly drunk after works lunch. Trying to keep it together in the face of adversity. Other than that, your standard Monday afternoon, bonecrushingly dull!
Your good self?

You trooper!
I'm not so bad, had a bit of a hairy week, need to get me a new job soonist, so off to see Bill & Ben at the jobcentre this week and see what they can insult me with!
You go up t'north at the weekend then?

Yep. Sure did.
*Exhales*. It was up and down. Good to see Ex but I'm still in a bit of no mands land with her I think. We're getting there but its all on her terms not mine and I find it hard to turn the tables as I'm fairly totally besotted with her...very unlike me but she renders me powerless.
On the up side I got some tracks done with my band and we are starting to sound pretty good. As for the big bad stuff, well, luckily/unluckily it didn't come up. Guess I will have to wait for that to be resolved.
I advise against going to a jobcentre, they don't know their arse from the elbow. I know, I worked in one after I finished Uni!
Ever thought about going thru an agency? They find work fairly quickly because they get paid commission, mutual interest and all that.
How old are you if I may ask?

Hhhmm, if you love her, now't much to be done about it honey. Distance relationships are always precarious, and pretty extreme in thier ups and downs as most of it's played out in a time delay. I say, see where it takes you, faint heart n'all that!
You're in a band? Cool! What 'kind' of stuff you play? And can I have a copy of your demo CD to sell on Ebay when you get famous? Snotty old tissue, empty fag packet...anything'll do!

Yeah, I know, the job centre lot are muppets. Reason I'm going is I want to get on a Computer course they run. I did one 5 years ago, and forgotten everything I learned, but I reckon I could maybe wangle it and get on an advanced course this time around...also, and more to the point, the company that run it, are actually a HR company, and you get opportunities for job placements pretty quickly. They actually offered me a job with them last time I went, so, yeah, that's why.

YOUNG MAN! Did your mother never tell you it's rude to ask a lady her age?

I'm twelvety!

Ok...I'm38!

Sorry to ask, I'm just a nosey little bugger.
I'll tell you my age if you like. I'm 26 and loving it.
I guess if the JC works for you then go for it. I was one of the lovely people who do the jobsearches for the unemployed types when I was just 21 and I hated it. The amount of abuse I got was stunning. One day, a smackhead went ballistic and threw a computer at a lady I was working with. I ended up wrestling him to the floor but the little bastard bit me and ran away! At least it was interesting work!

26 eh? *muttersmutters*

I hate the place, mainly because of those 'type' of people you'e just described that you get in there, I've only come across one arsey person who actually worked there and made a pretty poor attempt at trying to be demeaning, til I showed her that I was actually Queen bitch and verbally wiped the floor with her. All done with a smile on my face.

I dunno, I'll be checking out the agencys aswell, it's just that I don't feel too confident about my PC skills, I need a refresher course whatever happens.

So, what's in store for you the rest of the week? What do you kids get up to these days for kicks? *tries to be 'street' and hip*

For kicks? Alcopop binges and beating up pensioners!

...of course not! I spend a lot of time on my own at the moment
because I am new to town and don't know many people. Sad git that I am, I spend my evenings reading and having the odd beer. This weekend I am (hopefully) off to see my Ex at her University, I havent' been there before so could be fun but I'm not sure if that is going to happen yet, if not i'll probably end up round this losers house who has a large telly and spend Saturday night tonning Aftershock, playing Tekken 5 and talking Star Wars and women...not as, ur, fun as it sounds.
And, of course I will be at work during the day, which is where I am now! Whereabouts in Saff Lahndan do you live? I am an Eastender, but I think I've already told you that.
Speaking of Eastenders, do you remember in the 80s when they released the theme tune with lyrics sung by the woman who played Angie? For no reason whatsoever I have it on CD!

Oh-I forgot to answer your question about my band. How silly of me! I am the singer in our band. But I don't really know what kind of music it is. We are trying to do something that hasn't been done before so we are using all sorts of instruments and mashing all sorts of genres together. What we have done so far sounds alright I suppose but we have a long way to go before we get on Top of the Pops!

Star Wars eh? What fun!
You seen this?http://www.devilducky.com/media/2536/

I live in Sarf West London innit? Near Richmond...I'm the token poor person in a very wealthy borough, but I guess someone had to fill the quota!

Quite frankly, there's absolutely no good reason for having *that* CD, under any circumstances! Shame on you!

I suppose your right. *starts crying*.
I was trying to be ironic I think!
Still, its better than what my mates got. He's got a copy of Bruce Willis' album, The Return of Bruno. Now, THAT is unforgivable!

Now that is worth crying over! Not sure what my most embarrassing musical faux pas would be? Have to get back to you on that one.

I gotta run Tidal, things to see, people to do! I expect you'll be orf by the time I get back, so, have a good evening, nice to see you back, and hopefully catch you again soon.

Heres looking at you kid.

Today, for absolutely NO reason I feel like the little fella from The Man With The Golden Gun, and my boss is like Scaramanga. I feel like his little butler or slave might be a better word.
Anyway, how are you?!

*spins round in chair stroking cat* Ahh, I've been expecting you Mr Wave!
I'm ok ta. What is it you do for a job then? I hate working for other people full stop, don't take taking orders too well, wish I could thinkup some fantabulous, unique money making business....Oh, and had the capital too!

Um...I work in a small office doing stuff that I don't really want to do. Thing is, this is all phase one you see.
Phase Two is finishing my book.
Phase Three is finding a way to get it to a publisher who understands my twisted world view.
and Phase Four is laughing it up in Monaco with a shedload of cash and a six figure book deal!

Oh right! Sounds like a plan to me. Least you got one anyways, that's definitely a plus. Trouble is to not getting side tracked and bogged down with the day to day existence stuff, i.e. having to work for cruddy bosses in order to keep body and soul together, and losing focus of your goal or getting disheartened.
Obviously your biggest challenge will be to find a publisher that appreciates your strangeness.

You couldn't be more right Mrs Bo. Mind you, I have been working tirelessly at this book for almost 5 years now. It's in the home straight but still not done. It's not that I'm being overly perfectionist it's more that the only person who is likely to know when it is finished is me.
Still, I like to think it is fairly 'mainstream' (although I HATE that word) and palatable enough for your average Dan Brown reader (not that i would WANT a Dan Brown reader within a hundred miles near my baby).
Anyway, if that fails, I still have my band. You see Bo, the trick isn't having one plan...it's having a few!

Dan Brown? Ugh!
Forgot about your band...so yeah, good for you for having more than one iron in the fire. Man I hate cliches!
So, go on then...sing us one of your songs