h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

First the weather report, of burning interest to all UKers:

The official temperature is 86 degrees Fahrenheit. Pah, they lie. It's at least 90. out there, no matter what it is at the airport. The humidity is at least 84%. There was a brief rain shower around lunchtime, which was welcome, as it knocked some of the pollen out of the air. However, at these temperatures, pouring rain on the landscape is more or less exactly like making redeye gravy: when you pour that half-cup of cold coffee into a hot frying pan, a cloud of steam rises up. That cloud of steam was all over the Harris Tweeder parking lot, making people dopey as their clothes stuck to them. Even back in the a/c of the supermarket, the weather affected reactions, so I stepped carefully around everyone and was extra polite.

Across the street at the Nutritional Panther, Elektra and I found another person with the same strategy.

On our way into the store, we passed a beer truck. Elektra remarked positively on its fetching artwork: the side panel featured an attractive array of dogs gathered around the company's various potables.

'Instead of playing poker, they're drinking beer,' she said. 'Cute.'

The Nutritional Panther is located in a corner strip mall with an inconveniently irregular parking lot. To cope, they've laid it out in one-way aisles with extreme slant parking. Getting in and out requires finesse. Just as we passed behind the truck with our cart, the driver started backing up.

Elektra dodged out of the way, saying, 'Hey! I admired your artwork. Don't hit me.' I laughed, and we sped up a bit to avoid the truck, which stopped, anyway.

As the driver pulled up behind our car, he stuck out his head and called, 'I'm sorry about that.'

'No problem,' we told him, and waved as he went on.

Good manners are never out of place, say I.

***********

Now to my topic, which is 'Public Encounters and Your Mental Health'.

My credentials for this are:

1. A total lack of degrees in psychiatry. (Yeah, I've read the books.)
2. The fact that I'm nutty as a fruitcake. (Nothing beats first-hand experience.)

A number of very intelligent and more-or-less sane h2g2ers have made the excellent observation that it might help all of us if those of us who are differently mentated tried to explain ourselves as best we can, for the edification of the general public.

I'm game.

Here's what happens to me: I see things that are not there - at least, they're not there according to reliable witnesses. This does not worry me unduly. I do not see dead people, because I refuse to interact with uncredentialed hallucinations. When the boogers wake me up in the middle of the night, as they did repeatedly last week, I tell them to go away. They do. Sometimes shouting is involved, for which I apologise to Elektra if I wake her up. Usually she mumbles, 'Whatever,' and goes back to sleep.

I have a very well-developed 'delusional system'. However, I feel that ALL people have a well-developed delusional system. If enough people share your delusional system, it's called 'reality'. I don't have enough votes on my side, so I keep my version of the facts to myself.

See, I think I've got this sucker beat. I have worked long and hard on a delustional system that does not require me, say, to dance naked in Times Square while singing at the top of my lungs, 'Repent! The Last Days are at hand!' Or, indeed, to do anything else antisocial. My delusional system says that there are two realities: mine and everybody else's. I'm not required to change theirs, and there's nothing they can do about mine. So we live in peace, no matter what I privately think is going on.

Now, of course, one of these days, the wise and unseen aliens who are talking to me are going to complete their enormous task of getting the universe ready for relaunch, and it's all going to change overnight into something rich and strange, but then, nobody will know it's happened, so there's no need to tell anyone, and besides, everybody's going to be safe, they promised...

Ahem. You have no idea whether I'm making that up or not, do you? That's the way it should be. Why should I be a pest? Why should you?

To sum up so far:

1. It's okay to see Stuff, as long as you do a reality check and don't call the cops on your hallucinations. (Boogers are out of the county's jurisdiction.)

2. It's okay to have an alternate theory about reality, as long as you keep it to yourself. (Or use it in fiction.)

There's a real problem, though: how do you interact with other people? There's the rub.

See, if you're not using the same mental model as everyone else, it's hard to know what to say sometimes. Let me give you an example.

You're in the store. Someone comes pushing a cart down the aisle and abruptly runs into you. Then they grumble, 'Why don't you get out of the way?'

Now, you say, that's easy. You know that person is misbehaving. But wait...

If you're not using the same models as other people, you may get your brains in a wad at this juncture.

'Am I overreacting? Is this normal? How do I stand up for myself? How much resistance is too much? How much is not enough?' Et cetera and et cetera.

Some encounters are easier than others, but it can be a strain at times.

Now, the interactive approach:

1. You plan your excursions. You reduce stress any way you can.
2. You take it one step at a time.
3. You remind yourself not to beat yourself up if you get an odd reaction to something you've said.
4. You also remind yourself not to ask other people to help define you. They're not up to the task.
5. You hope the people you meet are more tolerant than the last bunch you ran across.
6. You learn to avoid the 'all or nothing' reaction: you aren't either the greatest success since the hula hoop, or an abysmal worm of a failure. It is what it is.

I have no idea if any of this is remotely helpful to anyone, sane or otherwise. But hey, somebody asked. And it's my journal, I guess I can write foolishness if I want.

Thanks for listening. And don't worry: if I saw something odd over your shoulder, I wouldn't even tell you about it. Do I know for sure whether I'm mad as a March hare, or merely psychic and Irish? Nope. And neither would CG Jung.

It's sort of a matter of opinion.

Thanks Dmitri.

I'm trialling a new approach to improving my own mental wellbeing. I'm starting with parking. I park the car about 10 minutes walk from the railway station, but it's on a residential street, and some residents don't like that.

Now, there's nothing whatsoever in British law which prevents me parking there. It's the Queen's Highway, and they don't own it any more than I do. So long as I don't obstruct their driveway, I'm entitled to park my car there.

Most people don't mind, but there's a small number of people for whom this is tantamount to a hanging offence. Their demographic is slightly unexpected, too. They're mostly elderly ladies.

I used to be apologetic if I was 'caught' parking there - generally when I returned to the car in the evening - and would promise never to do it again.

Then I used to worry about getting caught. I would be furtive: I'd sneak up to the car and creep into it quietly trying not to attract attention.

Well, this was doubly bad. Not only did I have the stress of worrying about being caught. I'd be forced to be extremely apologetic if I was caught while being furtive.

* * *

And so I'm trialling my new approach. Everything I do in life is now the most natural thing I have ever done. I walk slowly, purposefully and smile and chat to people I meet on the way. And what does this do to the elderly complainants? It's completely disarms them. Every question they ask has a natural answer.

Q. "Is this your car?"

A. "Yes, I've had it for 3 years now. It's been really reliable. Do you have an estate (station wagon) too? It's such a convenient size for family holidays, and we've just got a roof box for it..."

Q. "Are you going to park outside my house every day?"

A. "Oh, is this your house? It's really nice! Is it 1930s? I love the period stonework. Oh and we've got a stained glass panel above the door too..."

What a wonderful approach. I applaud you for finding it.

An amazing idea, that the front of their house is 'their' space. I can imagine this.

Incredible what people do sometimes.