h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What can you learn from old children's books? Quite a lot, really.

This morning over coffee, Elektra and I got to discussing the Bobbsey Twins. I'm willing to bet you've never heard of the Bobbsey Twins, but in the 1950s, Bert, Nan, Freddie and Flossie weren't quite past their sell-by date. They were close, though.

'I don't think I ever finished the first book,' said Elektra. 'It was too boring.'

'I read them,' I said. 'They were as interesting to me as when I read Jack Finney's 'Time and Again' as a adult. The stories are a window into bourgeois life in 1904.'

'Ah,' she said. 'I guess so. But bourgeois life in 1904 was pretty boring.'

I agreed. Byt the sociological implications are interesting.

Here's a link, if you're so inclined. Laura Lee Hope's first Bobbsey Twin book, subtitled 'Merry Days Indoors and Out', is here:

http://archive.org/stream/thebobbseytwins17412gut/17412.txt

A word about 'Laura Lee Hope'. She's a corporate fiction. The books were penned - well, maybe they used a typewriter - by a whole slew of people, half of them men, in the Stratemeyer Syndicate. Sound like a bunch of gangsters. I bet they were proud of themselves. These are the people who also inflicted upon us Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, and Tom Swift. These hacks made a fortune, even though libraries often banned their effluvia. As early as 1901, the Newark, New Jersey, Public Library banned Stratemeyer books. The reason? They made students stupid. Okay, they said they induced 'intellectual torpor'.

The first thing I noticed on re-reading was that this stuff was actually more interesting to an adult than to a child. The second was that the kids acted quite naturally - I mean, not the way adults want them to. Freddie in particular is a pistol. He's as pig-headed as any four-year-old could be. He breaks things, and is bossy, and bursts into tears when things don't go his way.

The next thing I noticed was that this book would not fly today - the cook, Dinah, is African American. That dialect has GOT to go. No book containing the word 'gwine' belongs on our bookshelves. It's insulting. Sigh.

You learn a lot about the material culture and social attitudes about life at the turn of the previous century, though:

- At the start of this opus, all four Twins are engaged in building houses out of shoeboxes. Bert makes what his baby sister calls a 'department' house. They model their interior decoration after what they see in relatives' homes.

- Next, they go out to play. Freddie and Flossie play horse and driver. NOT car and driver. Freddie is an obstreperous horse, but Flossie knows just what to do. She manages the reins and gives him water and hay. Different times, different technologies.

- Then comes the first thrilling episode of Major Crisis - the Great Jumprope Incident of 19-Aught-4. It seems Grace's mother has TOLD her not to overdo the rope skipping, but she's, er, 'headstrong'. She tries for 100 JUMPS. When she faints (quiet, exercise fans) a number of things happen.
1. The eight-year-old girls fear she is DEAD.
2. Nan is devastated, because she thinks she's an accessory to murder by virtue of being a rope-thrower.
3. Mr Bobbsey saves the day by carrying the unconscious child into her house.
4. Dr Briskett (!) is called, and advises rest. He also explains that TOO MUCH EXERCISE IS BAD FOR LITTLE GIRLS, so there.
5. The boys stop playing FOOTBALL to commiserate.

What have we learned from this? Apparently, in 1904, female persons were not supposed to do aerobic exercise. It would upset their systems, or something. You know what I found when I googled 'jumping rope health'? The next suggested key word was 'benefits'. I tried 'hazards'. Some clinic pointed out that it was better for you than running, because it was easier on the knees. Take THAT, Dr Briskett.

We have also learned that apparently, nobody worried about the boys playing American football. A sport that is known to cause serious injuries, sometimes with lifelong effects. Oh, well, Bert's tough, he can take it.

Besides, he wants to grow up to be a soldier. (You're going to get your wish, Bert. Good luck against the Hun.) Freddie wants to be a fireman, naturally. When informed of her career choices - mother or stenographer - Nan opts for office work. Flossie insists that she will run a candy-and-ice-cream shoppe, so there. Yay, Flossie.

By the way, Freddie and Flossie are described, approvingly, as 'fat'.

Why am I reading this? Well, I sort of had an idea: to write a story about these kids when they grew up. The Stratemeyer Syndicate's bible specified that the characters could never age (or marry), but Stratemeyer's dead, Aunt Rose, and the Syndicate's gone out of business. [Points for recognising the misquote there.]

The effects of a Lakeport upbringing should be examined in more sociological detail, methinks.

As Dinah says, 'Jess to heah dat now! It's wonderful wot
yo' is gwine to be when yo' is big.'

Elektra and I think Flossie will become a flapper and drive a flivver.

Addendum: Now I know why this book was banned.

Consider this conversation:

"Bert, you are not paying attention," said the teacher severely. "You
just said the capital of Pennsylvania was Albany. You must know better
than that."

"Philadelphia," corrected Bert.

"After this pay more attention."

Children, Harrisburg has been the capital of Pennsylvania since 1812.

The Bobbsey Twins continue to astound. Elektra is of the opinion that I could never grow them up, because 'at this rate, they'll die of bad parenting.'

In addition to warning Nan of the dangers of exercise, Mrs Bobbsey has told Bert that if he runs too hard and breathes so much cold air, he'll catch a cold.

When he thinks he saw a ghost at night (right now, I'm banking on Flossie as a sleepwalker), Mrs Bobbsey blames the nuts he ate after dinner.

There's a worse problem, though. I've just had the gramdmother of all OMG moments. To think we were given this to read as small children. No WONDER it took the Supreme Court and an army of civil rights workers to sort this out. It's about Flossie's dolls:

'Flossie's dolls were five in number. Dorothy was her pride, and had light hair and blue eyes, and three dresses, one of real lace. The next was Gertrude, a short doll with black eyes and hair and a traveling dress that was very cute. Then came Lucy, who had lost one arm, and Polly, who had lost both an arm and a leg. The fifth doll was Jujube, a colored boy, dressed in a fiery suit of red, with a blue cap and real rubber boots. This doll had come from Sam and Dinah and had been muchadmired at first, but was now taken out only when all the others went too.

"He doesn't really belong to the family, you know," Flossie would explain to her friends. "But I have to keep him, for mamma says there is no colored orphan asylum for dolls. Besides, I don't think Sam and Dinah would like to see their doll child in an asylum." The dolls were all kept in a row in a big bureau drawer at the top of the house, but Flossie always took pains to separate Jujube from the rest by placing the cover of a pasteboard box between them.'

Irrelevant, you say? The Supreme Court begged to differ. In the arguments for the landmark decision of Brown v Board of Education, research on The Doll Study was introduced. This study showed that not only chubby little blondes like Flossie, but even African American girls, preferred the 'white' dolls to the 'black' dolls. The stigma here is shown to run deep *in the mind of a four-year-old child*.

Children's literature of the past can give the screaming horrors.

That is scary. And if it's so true at the age of four, what else could be imprinted by that age? That all girls should be princesses, wear their dresses off the shoulder and save up for cosmetic surgery?

Oh, wait...

You got it, Vip.

So the next time somebody tells us to 'lighten up' over their latest cold-blooded venture in mass marketing, we can point out how much pain the Bobbsey Twins probably caused.

The bourgeoisie has triumphed.

The sleepwalker was found, so no psychism was perpetrated. More bad medical information was spread instead - it was all that overeating. Me, I'd put Freddie on a diet, anwway.

That mean Danny Rugg was outed for breaking the shop window. By a neighbour, so Bert didn't have to rat him out, which makes Bert a stand-up little guy.

Nan got 'furs' for Christmas. Furs.

Bert and his buddy Bob had problems with a runaway horse. They got dumped off their sleigh into waist-deep snow. I've concluded Lakeport is in Upstate New York. That sounds about right for snow in the Syracuse area.

I also believe these silly writers lived in New York City rather than Upstate New York. They got the snow right, but strawberries in May? Not unless they were imported or hothouse.

The writers also have no earthly idea of how cats behave. Snoop the kitten learns tricks. Yeah, right. A kitten that shakes hands and jumps through hoops. Then he catches hold of the kite string, and doesn't let go until he's over the barn roof. Have these people ever known any cats?

All in all, one feels, life in Upstate New York in 1904 was fairly hazardous. Children get lost in three-storey department stores. Blown off-course in their ice boats. Trapped in barns by barking dogs. Dumped in a sand pit by a runaway ex-racehorse. Not to mention the dangers of excessive rope-skipping.

Aren't we glad the modern world is child-proof? Why, if Bert and Nan had taken their mobiles when they got caught in their snowstorm... An Amber Alert might have helped them find Freddie sooner...

Merry days, indeed. In the next book, they're planning to spend the summer in the COUNTRY.

Who will survive?

Which Country?


lil x

The Past.It's another country.

Blackula in a shoe box?

My reading in the genre ran more to Tom Swift and Hardy boys stories, Horatio Alger, the Box Car Children.

Horatio Alger? You actually found and read those?

Mother's second husband had an extensive collection of late pre-WWII and WWII era children's novels, including a number of the Tom Swift, Hardy Boys, Bobbsey Twins, Boxcar Children novels as well as an extensive collection of Horatio Alger's novels and a nearly complete collection of Zane Grey. Also the most extensive collection of pulp Science Fiction magazines I've ever seen in one place.

Later, in my High School years, I was repeatedly clocked with a reading speed of 10,00 wpm with verbatim recall.

Amendment, premature post, last line, that should be "10,000 wpm".

Yeah, reading that stuff will do that.

At least, Elektra and I both remembered that that was what we and our friends used those books for.

Re; Horatio Alger

I think I have found a link for you - http://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=Horatio+Alger&tbs=,bkv:f&num=50

I haven't downloaded any yet but I am probably about to

F S

I don't know if I could stand the excitement. But thanks!

Maybe you can get us a Guide Entry out of it.

I started with 'Dan -the Newspaper Boy' seemed appropriate.

I am about a third of the way through, so far it reads kind of like 'Freckles' meets 'Ayn Rand' with a little 'Lord Fauntleroy' thrown in for good measure.

All of the poor people (except Dan and his Mother) appear to be quite selfish and greedy, while the millionaire's favourite pastime seems to be sharing their wealth, at generous terms.



F S

Freckles meets Ayn Rand...the mind boggles...

Ah, Ayn, Ayn, Ayn. I was thinking of her just now, before I turned off the radio, and wishing we could go back to the days when she was a fifth-rate novelist rather than a policy maker.

My favourite old kid's book is one my grandfather gave me. He won it for not missing a day of school for the whole year of 1918. It must have been written almost immediately after the Soviet Union was founded, and it's all about Finnish smugglers and guerrillas taking on the red menace. Possibly one of the first Cold War espionage novels!

Title and author?

You

You remind me of 'The Riddle of the Sands' One of the most interesting sailing stories written in the the 20th Century. Don't worry our hero knows almost nothing about boats, so no expert knowledge is required to enjoy the tale.

This is one of my favourite 'spy stories of all time - http://books.google.com/books?id=p441AAAAMAAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=riddle+of+the+sands&hl=en&sa=X&ei=aVCUUZXTKY2K9ASGq4C4BQ&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA

The fact that the author was executed as an Irish decenter in the early 1920's only adds to the mystery of the story.

I will add that my little sister sneaked up behind me while our hero was hiding in a boat shed eavesdropping on the villain - and fired her new toy gun - making me jump a foot off the sofa. She did apologise afterwards.

The events take place off the German coast just prior to World War I. I do recommend reading this one



F S