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Posted Oct 4, 2001
Most of the time you can find my ramblings at [URL removed by Moderator], just click the link in the body of my introduction.
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Latest reply: Oct 4, 2001
Going Back
Posted Sep 27, 2001
Going back home today. Spending time with my kids. I actually got my hopes up that this will be permanant. I miss my family. I want to say I am ready to change my ways. But saying that up here, and doing it down there are two different things. I have no idea what I need to do. Lets call this return a practice run.
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Latest reply: Sep 27, 2001
My front came along for the ride
Posted Sep 27, 2001
There is alot to say here, so I will be succienct as possible. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. With that in mind we shall go back to front.
I am now living seperatley from my wife and children. This is not a divorce, this is more like a trial seperation. Nothing beyond seperate living has been formalized or been set in stone as of yet. I live about 1 1/2 hours away from them now. They still live in Lextington, I went back "home" to the Cincinnati area. I have had the good fortune to find a roof to live under. My best friend Jayson is letting me "crash" at his place. This "crash" shall last as long as needs be. I currently have no job, car, or anything beyond a little savings for my own food, busfare, or basics of living. I have the clothes on my back and in my bags, a tai chi practice sword and a few momentos. All my comics, books, whathaveya, are still in my wife's house.
So why the seperation? Simple really. I turned into an a*****e. To confine it into a few sentances; I had a vision of how I wanted my life and my family to function, reality did not conform to vision. I became frustrated at every turn. I yelled alot. I ignored my wife and my children. I became restless, disinterested in anything beyond my tiny little universe of desires, and generally just bad to be around. My wife tried on numerous attempts to save me from myself. I would be fine for a few days, and the fall back into those new illfound habits. A few to many straws landed upon the back of the camel. I was given the boot.
I will not go into to many private issues here. But suffice it to say that my family is taken care of. Precarious, in certian respects, but managable none the less.
On a more just me note. I still love hockey, I don't follow it with the same zeal as I used to, but it is still a passion. I still love comics, and continue to collect the bare minimum as resources allow (that is too say, none now).
I guess I slacked of here because I found other things of more interest. I got out of the habit, and just never came back. I looked more into Taoism and Tai Chi, however a busy work schedule and the demands of being a father kept me from looking into the full potential of those. That and I could never commit for fear of those said demands getting in the way.
You see, I wanted it all, and I wanted it right freakin now. I was an adult, nothing should stand in my way. Not my wife, children, work, anything. I became a dreamer without the wit or self-allowed capacity to make those dreams come true. I foled in the face of life. And it ticked me off. I blamed every single person but myself. Well, I blamed those that had neither the shoulder nor the desets for blame. My children. I encapsulated myself. They were growing up, and I was looking-- at nothing-- in the other direction. My wife was trying her best to get me back, but she to was under my radar. Understand, I never took a hand to any of my kids. But at what point do ignoring them became abuse. It was not neglect. They were fed, they were clean in both body and clothing. I took care of the house. My duties were clear. But beyond that, I never gave a shred of what was the true me. What was inside. The stuff that counts.
Sorry, I had to pause there. A bit overwhelmed. I have had these feelings for the past week, in an ineffable, more more mental form. This is the first time I have distilled it to words that I can actually see.
I was a damn coward.
Ok, revaltions are said and done. As soon as I know what to do with myself, I guess I gotta do it. Still a little pathetic, huh? I have the strength. I just got to find it.
Going back a little. My son Patick was born on May 12th 2001. He was a pretty big kid and grows more every week. My kids have a tendency to drive me nuts, but my infant son is a calm center. He has alot of "zen" in him.
I got a new cat. A stray taken in. I named him Neil, after Mr. Gaiman, the author of the Sandman comics. He is black with longish hair and a touch of grey. Just like the man himself. He is about 5 mos. old now. And is such a kitten. When I would put my boots on of the morning, that was his ultimate playtime. Bootlaces!!!!!!!!!!! Kitten!!!!!!!!! Attack!!!!!!!!!!!!. Fun little guy.
My Coyotes are in a building year. That is shorthand for: gonna suck this season. But I am a diehard DogFan. AWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So look for me back at the Laughing Dog. I should really start looking for a mess of you guys. Titania, St. Dragonfly, Col. Sellers, et al.
Looking forward to it.
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Latest reply: Sep 27, 2001
No Kids
Posted Oct 22, 2000
It's peculiar. I said that I would drone on and on about my kids. But today, they are spending the current weekend with my mother-in-law, and I am free. Now I can drone on and on about freedom. Saw Jackie Chan's Drunken Master today. LOVED it very much. There are few things in life as good as a Chan action sequence. It's like Quentin Tarantino said at Chan's MTV Lifetime Achievment Award presentation:"You watch a fight scene, and you want to be Jackie Chan!" Totally true. Also I spent some time surfing this site preparing for some Edited Entries. Looking forward to wrinting Stuff on Comic Books, Hockey and how to survive three children. Cannot Wait. But only time will tell. I may not have this time off for ever.
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Latest reply: Oct 22, 2000
Rentals
Posted Oct 20, 2000
No one ever told me that having children would grossly effect my capacity to go out and see movies. The last Movie I saw was X-Men is early August of 2000. Before that it was Shanghai Noon in May of 2000. It used to be, before children, I would see a few movies in a week. Now my wife and I rent.
The best of the most recent batch was Jim Jaramushes' Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samuri. See this. See This. It will give you a break from the workaday films you may be used to seeing. Yes, it is an auteurs flick. But it is good. You will love the rappin' mafioso. Go. Now.
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Latest reply: Oct 20, 2000
Skylion, Muse of Hockey and Comic Books and Keeper of the Corner of the Laughing Dog.
Researcher U157480
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