h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is alot to say here, so I will be succienct as possible. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. With that in mind we shall go back to front.
I am now living seperatley from my wife and children. This is not a divorce, this is more like a trial seperation. Nothing beyond seperate living has been formalized or been set in stone as of yet. I live about 1 1/2 hours away from them now. They still live in Lextington, I went back "home" to the Cincinnati area. I have had the good fortune to find a roof to live under. My best friend Jayson is letting me "crash" at his place. This "crash" shall last as long as needs be. I currently have no job, car, or anything beyond a little savings for my own food, busfare, or basics of living. I have the clothes on my back and in my bags, a tai chi practice sword and a few momentos. All my comics, books, whathaveya, are still in my wife's house.
So why the seperation? Simple really. I turned into an a*****e. To confine it into a few sentances; I had a vision of how I wanted my life and my family to function, reality did not conform to vision. I became frustrated at every turn. I yelled alot. I ignored my wife and my children. I became restless, disinterested in anything beyond my tiny little universe of desires, and generally just bad to be around. My wife tried on numerous attempts to save me from myself. I would be fine for a few days, and the fall back into those new illfound habits. A few to many straws landed upon the back of the camel. I was given the boot.
I will not go into to many private issues here. But suffice it to say that my family is taken care of. Precarious, in certian respects, but managable none the less.
On a more just me note. I still love hockey, I don't follow it with the same zeal as I used to, but it is still a passion. I still love comics, and continue to collect the bare minimum as resources allow (that is too say, none now).
I guess I slacked of here because I found other things of more interest. I got out of the habit, and just never came back. I looked more into Taoism and Tai Chi, however a busy work schedule and the demands of being a father kept me from looking into the full potential of those. That and I could never commit for fear of those said demands getting in the way.
You see, I wanted it all, and I wanted it right freakin now. I was an adult, nothing should stand in my way. Not my wife, children, work, anything. I became a dreamer without the wit or self-allowed capacity to make those dreams come true. I foled in the face of life. And it ticked me off. I blamed every single person but myself. Well, I blamed those that had neither the shoulder nor the desets for blame. My children. I encapsulated myself. They were growing up, and I was looking-- at nothing-- in the other direction. My wife was trying her best to get me back, but she to was under my radar. Understand, I never took a hand to any of my kids. But at what point do ignoring them became abuse. It was not neglect. They were fed, they were clean in both body and clothing. I took care of the house. My duties were clear. But beyond that, I never gave a shred of what was the true me. What was inside. The stuff that counts.
Sorry, I had to pause there. A bit overwhelmed. I have had these feelings for the past week, in an ineffable, more more mental form. This is the first time I have distilled it to words that I can actually see.
I was a damn coward.
Ok, revaltions are said and done. As soon as I know what to do with myself, I guess I gotta do it. Still a little pathetic, huh? I have the strength. I just got to find it.
Going back a little. My son Patick was born on May 12th 2001. He was a pretty big kid and grows more every week. My kids have a tendency to drive me nuts, but my infant son is a calm center. He has alot of "zen" in him.
I got a new cat. A stray taken in. I named him Neil, after Mr. Gaiman, the author of the Sandman comics. He is black with longish hair and a touch of grey. Just like the man himself. He is about 5 mos. old now. And is such a kitten. When I would put my boots on of the morning, that was his ultimate playtime. Bootlaces!!!!!!!!!!! Kitten!!!!!!!!! Attack!!!!!!!!!!!!. Fun little guy.
My Coyotes are in a building year. That is shorthand for: gonna suck this season. But I am a diehard DogFan. AWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So look for me back at the Laughing Dog. I should really start looking for a mess of you guys. Titania, St. Dragonfly, Col. Sellers, et al.
Looking forward to it.

Skylion, Skylion...

You should never aim your breathe of fire at your own family...*shakes head*

But it IS good that you realize what has happened yourself - that promises hope for the future...

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that the members of your (still) family are all OK...

Take care!

I wouldn't scold SkyLion.... Humanity can get ugly, that's the nature of the beast: "You always hurt the ones you love...". He's realised his error and chose to walkaway. He's not bragging on it; this time away from things should be good for him, and hopefully will not seperate him too much from what does matter most: Family.

Sometimes, though, you can spend too much time with family.

Thank you for sticking up for me, my fav saint. I need all the love in the room I can muster.
Actually, I need to be honest here, I did not choose to walk away. I am convinced that I should be able to fix the problems here and now. My wife has lost alot of trust in me, and practically begged me to leave. I had a choice, but staying would have been the most of two evils; in this case.
Fun little post script. As of this writing I am back with the kids (and wife) for the weekend. Need answers need. So I am helping my wife out here. She gets to work some more, and I get to spend time with my kids, who I discovered that I missed more than I thought. And I thought that I missed them like heck. I got up in the middle of the night way to many times to be with my 14 week old son. Trouble was, he was 130 miles away. It was a bitter sweet reunion. But after a few hours it was kinda back to normal. I still feel like a fifth wheel at the home I left. I actually asked my wife if I could use the bathroom, I have only been away a week.
This is kinda nuts.
But it was fun being nutty with the kids. And I was.
Titania and Saint, thank you both for welcoming me back, and for your kind words.

*group *

accepted and returned.