h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a great plane on the planet Gastrophrantabulor adjacent to the mountain range Ferringbular. I stand, waiting for the enemy. The wind blows aginst my bronzed flesh. I think to myself:
"To be quite frank, they don't stand a chance. Not against me."

Of course, if there were more than zero enemies, then I might not stand a chance, as it happens, there are no enemies, so I think I'm on the winning side. Which could also be the loosing side. As it is, afterall, the only side.
Oh dear.

After a few hours waiting on the plain, Gaarge has started to play Cat's cradle with himself. Suddenly with his super vision, he notices a speck on the horizon. It's some sort of figure, and it's heading straight for him! However, it is several miles away, so Gaarge sits down and waits for it. And waits. And waits. After half an hour he looks up; the figure has hardly grown at all. He waits rather longer. After a few hours of the figure getting ever closer, he goes to sleep. When he wakes up, the figure is rather bigger, but still several miles away. He looks down at the floor; his shoes seem to have become slightly scuffed.
Suddenly the figure bursts onto him from behind, knocking him to the floor. It is Giguschild, the Xenomorph, more cunning than the head fox of the cunning convention.
*Gaarge:Daah! What is the meaning of this? Have you no respect for Gastroph...gantro...gartsrtonarph...my people?*
Giguschild hisses loudly in his face, spitting slime from his slavering jaws. His deadly, lethal and dangerous secondary jaw snaps in Gaarge's face. Delicately, a clawed hand reaches towards Gaarge's head, and removes the Oakleys he is wearing.
*Giguschild: I'll be having thessssse...*
With that, he scuttles down a vent shaft which has for some reason appeared on the plain. A rattling noise can be heard retreating towards Giguschild's lair.

Oh dear, if only you knew that from the alternate demention I took your glasses from I also had them broken. Sorry
*however, these words fell on deaf ears, as the Xenomorph had sidled away, unaware of the fine cracks adorning the lenses of his glasses*

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Oh really! You are meant to be a fellow Hero! How could you! I'm so annoyed right now...
Oh well, I suppose I will have to look for that healer person.

*sea appears*

[sea] well well well... what have we here? a wounded superzero. in need of my help. well, there's a slight fee, since you're not exactly on my side. i require three favors in return. you will know what they are when i think of them....

*sea waits for an agonizing moment, then continues*

[sea] if i have your word of honor as a superhero, i'll heal you. and if you break your word... there will be consequences. so do we have a deal?

most definitely. However, there is a question I've been wanting to ask you fro a long time. Do you wear panties, and if so, what fabric are they made of?

[sea] *ignoring panties question* and that's three favors per healing.

can I give you eight favours, but the next time you heal me , you do it for free?

[sea] deal. i'll never think of eight favors anyway.

*sea holds out her hand for gaarge to shake and seal the deal*

on touching the hand gaarge suddenly becomes healed. He turns to thank sea but she is gone.
gaarge isleft standing, all alone, on the planes of gastrophrantabulor.