h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Mala,

thanks for offering to set up your tourism stall.

If I do head over that way some time I'll definitely pick your brain for info!

If I'm still living here by the time that happens, I'll be happy to show you the sights, too

Very civil of you! Are you thinking of moving?

Maybe you could teach me how to do all that swordfighting business. I've a terrible yearning for a broken shoulder!

Well, when I finish Uni, I'll be going elsewhere

A difficult yearning indeed! But I can't do any at the moment myself.

Ah yes, I remember you asking about more 'sedate' sports. What is it again? You've a bad arm?

Yes, had surgery in December where they damaged the shoulder nerve But this, too, shall pass. So just wait a bit and I'll teach you how to beat people up the old-fashioned way

Ouch. No hammer throwing for a while then! Still. That'll give me time to pay the first lot of instalments on the claymore.

I can lend you a spear...

Joking aside though, I'd love to have a crack at it sometime. What got you into it? Is it real blades you use, or imitations? I know there are groups who use both.

Well, I've been doing medieval reenactment since I was about ten - my father has a medieval band and so I got started as a musician and juggler.

When I moved here to go to Uni, I went to a few events to meet people, and met the swordfighting group - and since I was looking for a good sport, it seemed ideal

We use "real" blades in the sense that they're really forged steel, but they have dull edges, 2-3mm thickness. That means they're not real weapons under German law, so we can carry them in public. We don't do full contact - blows are slowed, though they do connect - so we get by with protecting our fingers and heads and only wearing quilted doublets rather than complete armour

So that's the weaponry, the musical instruments...

Have you got a DeLorean in a garage somewhere you aren't telling me about?

It must be hard to judge the blows properly, though. I'm sure you must still get the occasional pounding!

I don't even have a garage

Oh yes, especially as we have one group member who refuses to be careful. Most injuries result from him; he's broken several fingers, including mine, and given me a concussion Most of us refuse to train with him now.

But we have two paramedics and several Red Cross types, a med student, a fireman, and a lifeguard, so we're pretty well covered

Still, bruises every Sunday. Like whiskey on a Sunday, only more painful



We do three different types of fighting - the normal "tournament" one, which is more like fencing - you try to score hits quickly, and get points for them. Then there's the "show" parts for performances, which are mostly choreographed - we use a system they also use for historical films. And then there's the "reenactment" proper, we join other groups for big battles with up to 1000 participants

Some macho clown, I'll bet.

You should try to get work as an extra in films. There might be a couple of pfennigs in it for you!

Although...I was an extra in a local thing one time. It was the most boring day of my life! Standing around doing nothing for 90% of the time.

Exactly that kind. I'll take it you aren't one, that would make it rather difficult to learn

We're on some lists, they always want people who can supply their own kit.

What was your role?

Nah. I'm far too lazy to be bothered with machismo.

My role was as one of the audience in a concert hall. There was one scene which started off with a woman playing a clarinet. This particular scene needed so many takes done, that I began to loathe seeing the poor woman playing the clarinet.

a good approach.

I can imagine. At least you got to sit down....

You're in Ireland, right? I've been considering looking for a job there after Uni How's the general situation at the moment?

Depends what you want to do, I suppose. Your English is first rate, you are fluent in German, any other skills? What would you like to do?

I'm in Northern Ireland. It's part of the United Kingdom, so I can claim a British passport. It's part of Ireland, so I can claim an Irish passport, too.

That's convenient

I have a Dutch and German dual citizenship, so working in the EU shouldn't be a problem

I'm studying architecture, and I've heard that Ireland and the UK are looking for architects - and Norway. Might end up in Norway