h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A new baby arrived in Dublin yesterday, tipping the scales at 80kg (176 lb). The baby was born in total darkness, but monitored using infra-red cameras.

We're talking an elephant here, the first ever to be born in Ireland.

Well - who do we congratulate?

We don't congratulate who, we congratulate whom!

Which reminds me of a dreadful joke an American school friend once told:

Two people are arguing on a bus, one saying "It's W-O-O-M" and the other saying "No, it's W-O-M-B". A lady turns round and says "I'm afraid your friend is right: it is W-O-M-B".

The two look blankly at her and then one says "Listen lady, I don't suppose you've ever seen an elephant up close, let alone heard it fart!"

Baby, welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, baby:
'God damn it, you've got to be kind.'

That's a very good message for any baby who's just arrived ,star>

I don't claim it as original.

I like what the American Indians say to welcome a child, 'We support you on your journey'. Welcome, baby Jumbo.

Hey Gnomon:

What about the mother? In the states they're celebrating Mother's Day! WHAT ABOUT THE MOTHER????

>>I like what the American Indians say to welcome a child

Apparently the Navajo hold their naming ceremony when a baby smiles for the first time. Makes sense. That's when the exhausted parents think, "OK - so maybe we won't get rid of the noisy, smelly wee bugger after all."