While ordinarilly called Matthew, I long ago took on the name of Sir Dog. No one actually calls me that, even I forget to go by that name most of the time, the reason for that being my name has long since been lost in the obscurity of the past five years and is generally not worth talking about. However, it is my name, and I plan to stand by that statement for as long as I remember to!

Now for a little about me (for, after all, what's in a name? a road would smell just as sweet by any other name)
Let's start at the beginning:

Birth is natural and beautiful, but it implies sex, which must never be discussed in polite society. So the subject of birth is always surrounded by a certain element of mystery. The birth is always thought of as the beginning, and anything that occurred prior is a mysterious irrelevance. This is particularly useful in my case because my own birth was surrounded in the exotic fumes of the unknown, or at least the fumes of India. Not much is known about the conceptual occurrence surrounding my creation, except that it had a great deal to do with the eastern incenses, and with a strange cloaked figure playing an instrument with unfathomable qualities. But what is known is that a mistake occurred shortly afterwards; both my twin brother and I were meant to stay in India. Our destiny was founded there, and there I should have remained, as my brother did, but somehow my unborn body was smuggled out in secret. My brother remained to embrace his purpose; I escaped into the night. The effect of being wrenched from one so close, so part of myself, traumatised me before I had even seen the light of day, and my birth, when the day finally came, was into an asylum, accompanied to the distant, unheard sound of drums. That day, the 22nd day of the month of February in the year 1985, was the first of my life, and on that day the psychiatrists deemed me unfit to remain on the coast of civilised Britannia. And so I was removed for the convenience of all concerned to the distant shores of Africa, to Kenya; the land in which I spent the first years of my life.

Much happened to me between then and now, and if, some day, I have the time, I will explain what happened in more detail. However, needless to say, I now live on this fair isle. While here, I study English and Philosophy in the hope that I can prove the deeper meaning hidden in Literature and perhaps unlock the obscure riddles of philsophy and put it in a more accessable medium (A.A. Milne's great works of philosophy have, by far, the most reason for respect in my opinion!).

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Matthew Tucker

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