h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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Information on 'Jools'


Literal meaning

"Decoy."

History

Found in limestone deposits in Chester around 11am, the name Jools was originally used precisely to refer to unsettlingly enthusiastic night soil collectors, before falling down a flight of stone steps.

Famous Joolses

1. Jools Lonfial-Marl, who owes everything to demanding money with menaces; ghost-writer of Lady Macbeth's religious handbook and autobiography, CHRIST, MY LIFE'S DEPRESSING; last holder of the office of Police-constable;
2. Jools Macaulay-Nightdodge, populariser of the everlasting trouser; ghost-writer of Albert Pierrepoint's entirely adjectiveless autobiography, SOMEBODY PUNCH MY FACE - I MUST BE DREAMING;
3. Jools Cangoose, who's never forgotten the hovering cinema;
4. "Terrible" Jools Orbiting ("The Reasonably Broadly Educated"), who could never shake an early association with Explode-O, the wonder bang dismantler;
5. Jools O'Tightbadger-Dots, proponent of Elvis impersonator impersonators; ghost-writer of Punchy Massive's bestselling autobiography, TOOT-A-TWANG-TWANG; first holder of the office of Ruler of the World in Exile;
6. Lady The Miss Jools Toot-Tinkermouse, exposed in the press as having swapped a child for Britain's standards;
7. Jools Oaf, DSO and Bar, early user of a creature from the id;
8. Jools Chinly-Mapduster, once saved by the world's most attractive bucket;
9. Jools I Oily, DSO and Bar, for a time, in their own mind, romantically linked with forty-three entirely new ways to kneel;
10. Jools M R du Proms-Tidecatcher, opponent of the evaporating duck; ghost-writer of Jerry Desmonde's heavily censored autobiography, I'M FEELING QUEASY, GEOFFREY.

Typical Jools motto

"Ducks come from duck's eggs, as do drakes, though I suppose technically both are ducklings at that point."

Such a fount of knowledge, spurting from your brain cavity

Cavity is the right word, mate

You missed out the king of the piano, Jools Holland....

Did somebody just quote a song by The Police? Or Manfred Mann?

Not to my knowledge...

Then let me improve your knowledge, LiS. Really hard detective work reveals that it was Pegasus; "*he* kills conversation when *he* walks into the room..."

"Demolition man" that song is called. Brilliant stuff.

Oh, you mean'that' song!?! Of course I knew that...

BWWWAAAAHAHAAAaaharklesnort. Ahem. Lying could get you into trouble. Or out of it, come to think of it.

You makin' fun of me? You shouldn't do that.. I have friends in high places, you know...

Like in heaven? I don't know, that doesn't worry me much...

Nah, like in The Towers....

Well, that means I've had it. I don't know a single soul in the Towers, except for Mina. But she's Linda now, so I guess it doesn't count... I'll have to find people on other high places to match yours, then. "I'll bee baakk".

Hee hee.. You'll have to come over for a meet-up to make some friends from the Towers...

I would love to come over for a meet-up. But as I said in another thread, I'm next to broke...

Actually, one scottish guy who lives in Holland and whom I got to know in the forums at wwwdotdouglasadamsdotcom, came up here only a month ago, along with another guy from the same forums. So we had two nights out in the Stockholm pub world. It was loads of fun. We also managed to include some sight seeing and even a brief visit to one of those indoor driving ranges, to practise our swings before the start of the new season.

Cool. I always like the idea of people meeting up that have first made each other's aquaintance on the web. Mainly because it confuses the hell out of the sort of people that would never even think of doing that themselves.

Oh, and Duke. You can type the URLs the way they're supposed to now.. www.douglasadams.com

Oh, I see. Did NOT think you could do that, I expected a blop like [Link removed by BBC overprotective bast...umm...those aren't really the words now...ummmm...MODERATOR! That's it!]

Yes, it was very nice. Too bad they closed the forums there, I really miss them. But I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. They moved all posting over to the forums over att www.floor42.com for some reason. I thought they would link here.

Yes, one would think that linking here would be the natural thing to do. But then, douglasadams.com wasn't a BBC site, so maybe they didn't get permission to link here, or something.