h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

cos if it is you better start to now otherwise I will be duty bound to eat you.

*muffled voice issues from within a large paperbag, with what appears to be a human shaped rip in it.*
Now there's an interesting prospect, and one that would only enhance my current situation, I fear Still, if your game, so am I
there I go again. *sigh*
Fruity I may be, fruit I ain't. My reputation has been called into question, after last weekends events, and now there is photographic evidence from which I am trying to hide, but seem to be failing miserably. Hope that answers your question, my dear.

Guilty as charged! We shall now proceed to the sentencing of the defendant...

*sigh* I knew it would happen sooner or later. Better get it over with then.
*rustle of paper bag as composes self for sentencing*

*puts goo coloured cloth on top of wig*

Mr 17, the court has heard of your behaviour on the weekend of the 6- 8 July, 2001. Furthermore, it has been alleged that this is not the first time you have behaved with such flagrant disregard for the safety of others.

Do you have any thing you wish to say to the court?

Just one thing, M'ludy. Where did the 'flagrant disregard for the safety of others' come from? I am unaware of these facts, and thus my defence would not be complete, without the full information. Who has kept these facts from the Defence Lawyer? I would move for dismissal on the grounds of withholding evidence from the court.

I refer the defendant to the pictorial evidence scattered all over the web...

In what sense does photographic representation constitute a flagrant disregard for others safety? I never disregarded anyones safety while the pictures were taken, many of which, I might add, I was unaware of being taken at the time. If this is the case, then I can only stand trial for the original crime of being branded a tart.
I personally did not take, nor ask for the pictures to be taken. Furthermore, M'ludy I did not ask for the pictures to later be processed and posted in the web for the world to see. In point of fact, the charge of 'flagrant disregard...' should not be levied against myself, but against those person or persons responsible for taking the photographs and subsequently publishing them.
I should be raising counter charges.
This is my reputation that is in question here.

All good points. I grant you leave to appeal!

Can I say something in the defendant's defence, M'Lady?

Of course! Please take the stand!

Thank you, M'Ludy.
*Rustling noise as he sits down to compose his appeal*

*takes stand*
Well M'Lady, I think maybe it's my fault that the defendant has gotten himself into this pickle, er jam.
You see, he was going to go home on that train alone...it was I who twisted his arm and begged and pleaded for company all the way to Doncaster
It really should be me in the dock.
I mean on trial.
Or maybe we should both be sharing the tart.
I mean charges...
What exactly has the tart been charged with again?

~tries to look innocent~

Of being a tart and general tartish behaviour in a built up area!

*faintly can be heard coming from the bag*

*tries to hide evidence*

*Gives B17 a *

*Muffled voice, between *
Thanks. I needed that. But are judges allowed to hug the accused?
I would hug you back, but that would be more evidence

defendant and judge

*passes B-17 a tissue*

*starts to herself*