h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to H2G2

My name's Bistroist and I'm one of the Guide's Assistant Community Editors (ACE's). We're a bunch of volunteers who roam this place trying to be as nice and helpful as possible, and meet and greet as many newcomers as we can.
If there's something you need help with, or just want a few links to some of the cool places in here, I suggest you visit our common homepage.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A214796

I'm not sure if you know this already, but there's a welcoming message to all newcomers over here
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A5752

Sorry to hear about your disappearing intro, if it's any comfort I can tell you that you are probably going to replace it a zillion times anyway, adding bits of info, links and other handy stuff, and removing text you don't need any more.

Other questions you'd might like to ask? Try the "ask H2G2" and "How do I..."-forums
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A148907 and http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A242470

btw. In case you haven't noticed, the "Don't Panic" button in the top menu bar links to an occasionally useful help section.

Don't worry if you don't understand any of this, just stick this in your ear


~Bistro

Thank you Bistroist. It is nice to meet you. I honestly am not a Ted, or a Bob, or a Geraldine, or a Constance.... I am alive: "not Ted," lazily speaking. So there's one interpretation. I'm knotted, perhaps, but no moreso than anyone else [assuming I'm not in "the Nile"....which I can't be if I'm in the US.]. Interpretation 2. I suppose I could have said, "I'm Olive," but then I would be lying. I could tell the truth and say "I'm not Olive," fighting off a true college nickname or lying in lazy diction, but then it wouldn't include the Bill-and-Ted, Ted connection. Interpretation no.3. Maybe I'll delve into that in a future journal entry....or maybe a not-too-pathetic, little poem in a future introduction. I'll try not to bore us all with it unless it's absolutely clever, or unless I've been drinking which would seem more probable. I sort of met him once - Keanu, not Ted - and it didn't go very well, but I think it was just the circumstance of the day. At least I didn't frighten him like I think I might've Shaun Cassidy, which I didn't mean to do. They can't very well just up and invite anybody to tea, I suppose. Anyway, I thank you for the opportunity to be a researcher and to experience all the wonders of this site.

my head hurts now
btw, hello there sweety
AA

Keanu? Olive? Bill? Ted? -I feel dizzy!

For some reason I think your post is best perceived during or immediately after consumption of large quantities of alcohol...

Can I call you Ed?


~Bistro

Sorry 'bout that, Agony Aunt. I'll try to be more careful.

Hey there... me likes you... ~grin~... cause you are so very clever... me can tell that... cause me so very clever too... ~bigger grin~

Dear Not Ted, may i indtroduce you to our lovely (and quite clever) cat Greebo she is always up to something interesting and might i add that keeping a fresh supply of doughnuts and milk (in glasses with straws) will go far in making her take to you
AA

Just a little tip, Ed, don't judge her on her cute looks. Try to steal her doughnuts, and she becomes the embodiment of feral savagery. Scary I tell you


~Bistro

Thank you for the warning, Bistroist. Thank you for the tea and the comfort of your lovely home, Agony Aunt. And thank you, too, Greebo, for being the lovely, most wonderfully charming kitty that you are. I have read about you and think that you should be a film star. I will be a good friend to you Greebo, because the boys at my local Dunkin' Donuts love to clear all the shelves and give me all of their doughnuts. My friend, Kimberly and I were digging through the seat cushions and scratching at the floorboards of her VW Beetle one morning at around 4AM behind the Dunkin' Donuts, trying to scrape up enough change to buy two coffees and two doughnuts. We went into the Dunkin' Donuts, heading for the loo [we wouldn't contaminate our lovely Boston Creme chocolate frosting with VW carpet fuzz], passing by all the lovely doughnuts. When we stepped out of the loo, all the doughnuts were gone! There was not one doughnut left on the shelf! Don't worry, Greebo. I wouldn't tell you a scary doughnut story. The man behind the counter had put all of the doughnuts in a large bag while we were in the loo, and he said that we could have ALL OF THEM!!! He was even so nice as to give them to us right out the back door so that we could pull up the car and put them all straight into the back seat. We had all KINDS of doughnuts -chocolate doughnuts, glazed doughnuts, jelly doughnuts, cream doughnuts, big doughnuts, little doughnuts! We would start to eat one doughnut, and if we got bored of that doughnut, we'd put it down and pick up another doughnut! !So many doughnuts! I will go back there and get them all for you.
<^>I'm not Ted [Ed, for you, Bistro]

Oh my... oh my... oh my... oh myohmyohmyohmy... ~sickly grin~... You could become my biggest... bestest friend on h2g2... ~biggest.. bestest grin~

Please do go back and collect all those pathetically lonely doughnuts... me will help to cheer them up by eating every last one of them... giving them all a nice little home to stay in...

*floating in, in her usual vague, elf-like manner*

Greetings!

On behalf of the Guardian Angels, I'd like to welcome you to h2g2.
You might find our New User's Guide helpful, found here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A352667

Please do not hesitate to ask me if you have any questions!
May the be with you...

*drifting off, in her usual v.e.l.manner*