h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~A man and a woman, both dressed in black, stand in the shadows before you. The woman remains silent while the man steps forward and speaks.~

Hades: We wish to form an alliance with you and with STUMPED. We do not want to be members, for we thynk for ourselves. However, we have a common desire - unyversal domynation. We can work together as separate entities, and if we manage to conquer the unyverse, we shall split the unyverse 50/50.

~Hades bows and waits patiently for a reply. Eden's eyes burn with unholy light. They are the only parts of her that are visible in the shadows.~

Heh. So, it's one of these, is it. Sorry if I sound a tad unimpressed, but I've formed so many of these alliances over the years that I've become desensitized to most entities in this plane of existence.

As for an alliance, that is a tricky matter. I don't like to leave myself open for weakness, of course.

However, I will admit that it wouldn't hurt, for a while at least. I assume that you've realized that Earth must be conquered or destroyed before the rest of the Universe. After all, this place is superhero central.

Oh, and also, I was recently warned to mention this to people like you, but I am apparently an unwilling member of an organization known as Fate's Chosen. Apparently this just means that Fate toys with my life whenever it gets bored. But now that we have that matter behind us, is there anything I can offer you? Champagne? Klingon Blood Wine? Brew fresh from Dantooine? Or perhaps Dragon's Grog, my own personal brew. I also have plain ol' water.

Hades: Klingon Blood Wine sounds divyne. Eden will have a glass of water. She doesn't handle spirits well. Drunk after a syngle glass, you know.

~Hades offers Minos a warm smile. He makes a gesture with his hand and a table appears. Three chairs are gathered around it. Eden moves forward to sit in one of the chairs. She smiles at him but doesn't seem terribly interested in what is going on. Hades pays her no attention.~

*Hands the wine to Hades and the water to Eden*

Now, if you truly wish for the world to be destroyed, the people guarding it must be destroyed. I've been working on a plan to do just this, but I need one component to finish the plan. I'm on vacation, so I can't get it myself. Steal three CLI Crystal Lights from their mining operation. These need to be as fresh as possible, so bring them here as soon as you get them.

Hades and Eden: Thank you.

~Hades sips his wine and ponders. Eden quietly drinks most of the water, and looks at the KL curiously, ready to look away quickly if he looks at her.~

Hades: From the mining operation? Hmmm... I will have a look and see what we are in for. Eden, you may have to come along for this mission.

Eden: Oh, but-

Hades: We will see what we can do.

~Eden's eyes narrow, and she looks slightly angry that Hades is - as usual - ignoring her, but she says nothing. Instead she drains her glass of water.~

Before you go, the CLI mining operation is located on Mt. SandEverest, at the H2G2 Waterworks and Beach. Oh, and look out for a researcher named DarkSquid. DarkSquid seems to have taken it upon himself/herself to single-handedly raise up an army of followers and crush the world.

Hades: I see. A kyndred spirit, it would seem. He should not pose much of a problem, and I thank you for the warnyng.

~Hades stands.~

Hades: You must excuse me, I have much to do today. I am gettyng married, you see. I will go to Mt. Sancastle and retrieve your crystal lights.

~Hades departs, completely forgetting Eden.~

Eden: ~quietly~ He always does that. It's ceased to bother me. I have much more on my mind...

~Eden takes Hades's glass and drinks the rest of his wine.~

Eden: I thank you for your hospitality.

You are quite welcome. Just out of curiosity, what's the name of Hades' Persephone?

Eden: ~in a voice barely more than a whisper~ You must mean Miss Evillene Black. An evil, blackhearted girl with a supernova bomb. I must speculate that it was a marriage of convenience for the both of them...

~She smiles slightly.~

Eden: Although I must say they do make a lot of noise during the day when I'm trying to sleep...

*Frowns*

Yes, I have become aware of Evillenne's marriage recently by her sister, another underling of mine. I've heard that they are attempting to detonate the Universe if it isn't given to them. Just out of curiosity, how strong is Hades' word. I ask merely for information. Because, this entire Universal Detonation thing can tend to put severe stress on a relationship.

*Casually drinks some tea*

*Frowns*

Yes, I have become aware of Evillenne's marriage recently by her sister, another underling of mine. I've heard that they are attempting to detonate the Universe if it isn't given to them. Just out of curiosity, how strong is Hades' word. I ask merely for information. Because, this entire Universal Detonation thing can tend to put severe stress on a relationship.

*Casually drinks some tea*