h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As I said - I'm not stalking you, but I realised that this may have disappeared below the horizon of your conversations list: F1599167?thread=644465&post=9091238#p9091238

I like the quote about checking backs at the door, but not courtesy and good manners.

Sorry if this is stalking and spam. That, like so much else, is not my intention.

Ben

I'm about to leave for work so I can't answer you prpoerly now Ben, but I will. It might be a lengthy explanation or it might just be an 'okay'. I don't know until I've had time to consider it, but I will reply.

"Okay" is ok.

As I said - I amn't stalking you, and I most certainly am not demanding answers. What I wanted to be sure of was that you'd had the chance to read the post that I put in your thread to me, and my reply to you in 'neuclear yikes'.

This proves that you have had the chance to do those things, so that's cool, and it's all I wanted.

Cheers.

B

I haven't read your reply in the nuclear thread and I guess your post (the one you linked to above) *did* lay far enough down my list for me to miss while I was getting ready for work this morning. I'll go and read your reply now.

Hmmm... okay. There are so many things I want to say but I doubt it's anything I haven't said before so I'll be brief.

"who are you to say when a discussion should end?"
If two people are in a discussion with each other, either one of them can decide to end it at any time. Whether or not it's the *right* thing to do is another matter, but since those two people are having a the sort of discussion which results in one of them deciding to up-sticks and leave, then they probably have differing views on what is right anyway. If either of them feels that the discussion is becoming fruitless or has diverged from the original subject, or for any one of a number of other reasons, they have the right to say 'I've had enough'. It may leave the other one feeling bereft or angry or shaking their head in disbelief, but if they're secure in their own beliefs they'll have little problem dealing with the situation.

I felt attacked from all sides in that thread, whether or not you think that was the case. I've had people attack me for doing the sort of thing that thread was discussing, and yet not a damn dicky bird was said when somebody else used the same words in the same situation a month or two later. The people who were laying into me were there to see it happen the second time but for whatever reason remained silent. It doesn't make me paranoid but it does make me angry and it puts me constantly on the defensive. I'm not going to do that any more. It's not something I revel in - I detest it and I'm not going to allow that sort of thing to leave enough of a bad taste in my mouth that I don't enjoy h2g2 any more. It's coming very close to that and I'm not going to let it happen.

A bunch of new people (including at least one from the nuclear thread) have volunteered to be Scouts and I think most of them will be accepted. Let's see what happens.

(The conversation wasn't between two people though, was it. There were at least three active participants in it other than you, (ie myself, Hell, and FM) who you were telling to shut up. Anyway, that is neither here nor there.)

Interesting that you don't like feeling under attack, and that you felt under attack in that thread. You main argument (as I understood it) was "why be bothered about the opinions and behaviour of people you'll never meet?" and "words on a website can't do any harm". It seemed to boil down to "Why should anyone be upset by something that doesn't happen in 'real' life?" And now you are talking about leaving h2g2 because you don't enjoy it here.

Well Q. surely, E.D? Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, and all that.

I read the thread at the time without seeing any personal attacks just unattributed quotes in Post 60, and was astonished when you and FM and to some extent Hell responded by taking the criticisms so personally, and saying that you'll change your behaviour. But on reading it again I see that Mina linked to a post of yours, so I guess that you have some justification for feeling attacked. It was unfortunate that my post saying that words on a page do have power followed on so soon from that.

Anyways, as Jodan has pointed out, the undertaking to change behaviour really should be good enough. I guess it is greedy of me to want people to see how their thinking looks from the outside.

It's a shame that on the few occasions I step out of the woods, it is to find that you and I are glaring at each other from the opposite sides of the stream.

Take care, and keep scouting.

Ben

I don't think I told anyone to shut up - I wanted to let you know that I was going to have no further part in the discussion, and I used your name in the post to clearly state that I was talking to you. But "let that be an end to it" was probably the wrong phrase to use in the circumstances.

I take your point about geese and ganders, although my initial assertion was about being embarrassed in front of other people, particularly people you don't know and are unlikely to ever know.

Well, given that Americans are more afraid of speaking in public than of dying, or so they claim time and time again when polled, it's clear that some people are very afraid of embarrasment.

I think Z put it the best in his post about pain. We have to take other people's word about the pain that they feel, since there is no objective way of evaluating it. It's a subject I know he's been thinking a lot about, since he's just started work as a doctor and has had to take decisions about prescribing drugs.

Anyways, my guess is that this one really has run its course. As I said, I just wish we were less often glaring at each other on the few occasions we run across each other on site.

Take care.

B