h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Personally I think you should set your sights a bit higher - there's only a limited number of bathroom tiles you can make from one shed.

I see heartbreak hasn't improved your sense of humour then!

A quick calculation shows that I'd have to make about 1600 tiles per day to maintain my "standard" of living so something else will have to be thought up....

If you sell the tiles for ooh, ummm, a thousand pounds each you won't have to make that many.

Yes - but other than Peter Mandelsson, who else is going to buy vastly overpriced building materials?

Perhaps I could sell them as public-private partnership tiles, and lease them to HMG in perpetuity?

You could market them as individual unique works of art. The fact that they'd all look more or less the same needn't come into it.

Nah - art these days is all about bodily fluids and waste - and the day I sh*t bricks will be a long time coming

I had a hospital meat pie the other day, and that had the desired effect.

hospital meat pie - that's a little close to the bone, isn't it?

The meat was a funny taste, and I found a hospital ID band under the crust...

..ewww...somebody change the subject or I shall be forced to go hunting for a Ginsters pastie...

Ginsters pasties are made from baked underpants with a bit of catfood in the middle.

Doesn't stop them from being darned tasty though...as part of a balanced diet

I'm all on my tod this week (her indoors is outdoors - in England, in fact) and it's a miserable day so I'm going to cheer myself up by looking at a nice red Jaguar XJ which is for sale in my local garage

I went to Buckingham Palace yesterday!

Good lord - I must have missed your name in the honours list. What did you get a knighthood for then? services to the community

Care in the community you mean!

My republican sentiments shot straight out of the window when Dad asked me to go with him to a garden party.

Nice dainty s

*curtseys*

I ran away from Princess Michael of Kent!