h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Excellent! A very neglected area of sociology! I'll start immediately....

Can I be your assistant??

Do you have suitable qualifications?

Umm... I have plenty of experience of panicking people... And I'm *very* hard-working as you must know...

Not to mention dedicated to the cause.....you're hired!

Cool! Thanks!

I trust I don't need to detail the responsibilities?

No, I think I can manage... Unless they're different from standards...

I'm sure you'll be able to adapt to any differences...

I hope so... I wouldn't like to get fired immediately...

That's a pretty likely eventuality...

Excuse me??

I can't be seen to show favouritism...

*looks around*
You have a mile-long line of other applicants hiding somewhere??

*considers this briefly*
You just ably demonstrated your value as an assistant, pointing out the bleedin' obvious that I hadn't noticed. Consider yourself unfireable!

Hurrah!

Your first job is to ensure that all of the shovels are in mint killing condition....

That's easy!
*snaps her fingers*
Done, sir!

Do they all have exactly the perfect amount of rust on them?

Of course they do!