h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

City

Posted Jul 13, 2000

Most humans havent yet realized that they in fact are an elder civilization of the Golgafrinchams. The Golgafrinchams are a highly developed people - so developed in fact, that they got rid of all their accountants and lawyers. They simlpy put them all on spaceships and send them out in nowhere. The Earth-civilization are the remains of these.

The humans tend to think, that they have evolved from the primates, due to a very weird coincedence in scull-structure. Primates are animals that stay together in groups, because life on their own would just be too boring. This is a basic instinct the humans haven't evolved from, and the majority of humans also clings together. When a group exceeds the magic number of 50 humans call it a city. There can be several leaders in a city which has forced the race in to becoming monogamous. If they stayed polygamous they would have run around having sex or killing eachother.

A City on earth never moves, unless a natural disaster occurs. But that doesnt mean the city stands still. A lot of things take place in the city: Early in the morning a machine drives around and actually CLEAN the street, which of course is quite stupid. But the Humans like to think of themselves as a clean people, even though they still litter on the street. They like the idea of cleanness. Except in the smallest cities, where they dont have the resources and ability to pay a guy to drive around in a gigantic vacuum-hoover.

You would probably think that the city would expand, and it does. But in the air. Humans build very tall buildings to live and work in, and they say it is due to their Primate-inheritage - to live in the trees, in the air. Well, Humans never had wings, so why they build taller and taller buildings still remain an unsolved mystery.

A city also contains a phenomenon called Taxi's. Taxi's are machines (cars) steered by a human, that freights other humans - and sometimes at their wishes. Mostly they just freight the people out from the center of the city, so it leaves room for others walking back in.

The Poor: Only in cities you will see the poor. These are humans who have failed in both breeding and hunting, and the rest of the humans either see them as a disgrace or as someone really in need of a prostitute. No one gives them the real help they require: a towel. So they live "in the streets", which is the empty space between the very tall buildings.

The streets was supposed to be the place for Taxi's, but most streets in cities are too filled with holes to be suitable for driving on. This brings two problems: Taxi's (or cars in general - a group Taxi's are a member of) drive in places not meant for driving, and the streets are filled with Humans. Obviosly the rules for getting around in the city have become quite anarchistic.

An eveningstroll in the city is nice. Usually there is a park with real trees and perhaps some water, where the moon can mirror itself in. The poor are often seen here waiting to hit strolling humans with blunt objects and steal their money. This can also happen in the streets, but no one really notice here. Somehow it is worse to be hit in the park, as it is a much nicer place.

If you want to get drunk, the city offers a wide variety of buildings serving alcoholic drinks. If you can stay in such a place a whole night without getting thrown-out, you've attained high status among humans. For the male readers: NEVER buy a pink drink, or a drink with fireworks in it. You will be considered as a "sissy" - a word you can read about in other journals.

All in all: A city can be quite a nice place, why most Humans live in cities. But it can also be a very irregular and even surreal place to be, well, funny. If you've never been to a city in your life then take this advise: It is quite common and normal that humans shout at eachother. Undoubtedly they will shout at you too. Dont ignore this! Shout back!

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Latest reply: Jul 13, 2000