Who Ordered The Prawns?
Life is like an Amateur Dramatics production; It doesn't seem to have any direction, introduces you to lots of people who have the mistaken belief that you are actually interested in what they are saying and then leaves you wondering at the end of it why you bothered in the first place.
Or perhaps life is like one of those balloon animals that Children's entertainers think people find amusing. Something made up of colourful things that don't really fit together and are full of hot air. No that's not right, I think that decribes Governments.
Hang on a minute, I've got it - life is like a small grape, soft in the middle and it comes in bunches ... no that doesn't work. Unless it's seedless or something, although that's probably a bad idea for life.
Anyway, this guide thing seems like a good idea. Although at first glance it appears to be full of pointless waffle, at second (or maybe forty-second) glance it actually contains useful information that alien visitors should find invaluable (if they are desparate enough), it is potentially also a source of information for the lost souls of humanity that drift aimlessly through the virtual world like billowy drifty things.
And that is where we can get them (who is we?). By subtle manipulation of the texts to include highly complex concepts in the form of bite-size pearls of wisdom, we can gently tweak, nudge and poke the human subconsciousness to greater evolutionary progression, while simultaneously having a good laugh at their idiosyncracies.
I don't suppose anyone has any grapes do they? Just that all that talk about them has made me feel a bit peckish.
>kanchu llamasai kikuna?
Shut up Qexx.
Sorry, perhaps I should explain: according to the modular dimensions theory of relative universal existentialism, everyone has an Absolute Point of Being (APB - which sort of unfortunately clashes with US Police jargon). This APB is the one place that each dimensional version of someone is linked to, like a nexus. Being able to access a person's own APB gives rise to great power and perception.
My own APB seems to have become entangled with an Aztec Shaman called Qexxchaxolagrotl (I call him Qexx), who for some bizarre reason seems to have developed a mysterious being of dark energy called Quagma as his spirit guide. This seems quite apt because all Quagma does is interrupt Qexx's bizarre comments with enigmatic non-sequiters. He also likes curly brackets.
Confused?
How do you think I feel.
It should be obvious which of me is speaking because well, I'm the normal one.
>Imanaqtin rishanki?
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