h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Happy birthday Roy!
*passes round the JD*

Mornin' peeps, thanks for the Hootiversary greetings! As I said in the first post, you be good peeps you be. Hmm, have I just found the dialect of a west country kebab shop owner? Ooh ar, chilli sauce!

Old joke alert:

Q: what do you call a greek toddler?

A: a kebaby.

Get outta here and get on with your work


Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

All very, very true.

For the record, I haven't drunk anything since Friday, but as Friday was a wedding reception I think I got through a month's worth!

Right, I am now off to work.

Isn't that rather late to start working?

Off with you.

for both

I'm currently drinking a Hobgoblin, but think I have cause.

This afternoon I, for professional reasons, rang on a buzzer for a council flat and, to my surprise, got an answer. I went up to the sixth floor flat where a large chap asked me what I was there for. I told him. He, not unreasonably, explained what a right pain he'd had with my organisation and said that he had a mental health problem. I looked in his eye, saw a glimmer that reminded me of my old flatmate, and felt a tad disconcerted. The conversation progressed, he became increasingly agitated, then antagonistic, then downright threatening. I withdrew (professional term for bottled it) and went to the stairs (I wasn't going to hang around for the lift). He followed shouting all kinds of obscenities. Fortunately he stopped following as I got down the first flight (probably didn't want to get locked out.)

I knocked work on the head for the day after that.

Can't blame the chap - HMRC's implementation of Tax Credits is terrible and the people with the least to lose are the people that end up owing the most.

Anyway, this is why I went to Sainsbury's and bought a four pack of Hobgoblin.

Oh what an @r$ewipe! I told you, go armed with a baseball bat next time!

*giggles*

He would be safer flashing his HooToo badge..

Nah - Roy would just be happy to flash...

*giggles*

I never said that

Roy, I didn't bring smut into the thread.. *points at Raven*.. He did!!

Me? Smutty?
*looks innocent*
Never!

*giggles*

It's written all over your face, look *holds up a mirror*


See?? S M U T in large letters across your forehead *nods*

Oi! Who wrote that there?

It must have been Blondie

Ooooh my nemesis!

Yeah, your nemen.. menee..

Yeah she is, isn't she?

*hides smut pen in pocket*

I saw that!!!