Journal Entries
Doctor Seuss goes to Florida
Posted Dec 1, 2000
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out!
I will not let this vote count stand
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun
Let's count them upside down this time
Let's count until the state is mine!
I will not let this VOTE count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I'll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I'll count, recount, and count some more!
You'll grow to hate this little chore
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here!
I've glued my desk chair to my rear!
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too,
all telling me that I should sue!
We find the Electoral College vile!
RECOUNT the votes until I smile!
We do not want this vote to stand!
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!
How shall we count this ballot box?
Let's count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!
I do not want this vote to stand!
I do not like it AL GORE I am!
I've counted till my fingers bleed!
And still can't fulfill my counting need!
I'll count the tiles on the floor!
I'll count, and count, and count some more!
And I will not say that I am done!
Until the counting says I've won!
I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
What's that? What? What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you're wrong you'll see!
Your only care should be for me!
I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!
I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Dec 1, 2000
Politics...made simple.
Posted Nov 20, 2000
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, we'll consider her The Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
So the little boy goes to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Nanny. With that, he gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to the father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is sxxxwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep §xxt."
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 20, 2000
On Friendship...
Posted Nov 17, 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friendship Poem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, here is a touch of reality at least as it has happened to me with one particular friend.
When you are sad - - - I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking b*****d who made you sad.
When you are blue - - - I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you smile - - - I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared - - - I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried - - - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused - - - I will use little words to explain it to your dumb a*s.
When you are sick - - - Stay away from me until your well again, I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall - - - I will point and laugh at your clumsy a*s.
This is my oath - - - I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.
Send to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you only have 2 friends, and one of them's not speaking to you right now anyway.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 17, 2000
My Resignation...
Posted Nov 7, 2000
RESIGNATION
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause.............."Tag! You're it!"
Wouldn't it be nice if we could?
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 7, 2000
Stupid People
Posted Nov 2, 2000
Stupid people should have to wear signs that say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them. You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...Oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ole stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope...Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good.... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive a 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...OK...no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So...is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Nov 2, 2000
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