h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

thought QA stood for questions and answers ....or in case of english cricket quality abysmal...quick arm..perhaps...

but googling it will tell you its...
Archivist & Quality Assessor (QA) -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/U217987

G'day Logi, thanks for that.

So it wanders into a draw and Flintoff's back in for the next one.
How do you see the honours, evenly spread? Or do you think the Saffers might have their tails up a bit?
Shame the wicket wasn't more conducive to a result, it sounds like it was a lolly.

I read that the ECB is being knocked about a bit for it's two Test series of India, apparently designed so the players can be home for Christmas. I wonder how many of the big names will actually go?
Two Tests...hardly seems worthwhile even going their for two.

They follow on after the Australian Four Test series which is going to be a huge sellout according to most pundits and an eagerly awaited match-up after the sometimes acrimonious Australian summer series. It's the decider of who grabs the mantle of worlds best and I might have to get real friendly with my Kiwi noeghbour so I can watch some of it live.
People are predicting an Indian win and that's going to be an excellent motivator for our side.

Yes, a poor pitch. Completely devoid of pace. Considering its hallowed reputation, it's surprising that Lord's is allowed to drift along year after year preparing pitches that frustrate everybody.

I guess saving it will boost SA morale. If you look at it, though, England batted once very well and bowled twice, once very well and once poorly. South Africa batted twice, once very well and once poorly, and bowled once poorly. By my reckoning, then, England played two-thirds of the match well while South Africa managed only one-third.

One gem today, if you get a chance to see it. Sidebottom's yorker to dismiss Kallis. Come to think of it, the South African with the biggest reputation was the only player on show who failed completely over five days.

I personally enjoy watching India play. Colleagues who've worked over there reckon the passion of the crowds is exhilirating. It's twenty years since the one time I was there, though, and that was way up north in terrain where you'd have been hard pressed to find a squaresworth of level ground.

Off we go again.
Cloudy Headingley, England put in. Sidebottom was withdrawn late with a twisted back (isn't that normal if you're a Sidebottom?) and they subbed an unheard-of. Collingwood made way for Freddie. Things went OK till another Antipodean umpire sawed off an opener. This time it was the usually-competent Bowden giving Cook caught down the leg side. In came the useless divot Vaughan who contributed another pathetic blob. Strauss went before lunch too, though he first survived one of the tawdriest examples of cheating you'll see when de Villiers picked one off the ground and claimed a catch.
The ball swung in the afternoon too, and England kept driving, and a series of cameos ended behind the wicket. Pietersen and Flintoff are not the players you need in these circumstances. Ambrose is not a No.6 in any circumstances and not much of a keeper either.
203 all out. The sun came out at tea, and England found no swing. Their own fault. They should have been batting.
South Africa got to 50 (new boy taken off after 3 overs), then there was something of a fightback with Anderson hurrying McKenzie and then Flintoff seeing Smith off. Kallis, who's looked rubbish so far, played on for 4 and it could have been four down when Amla fluffed one towards mid off and Vaughan scraped it off the turf. Amla walked, but was turned round before the gate by a howling dressing room. They said not out after a TV replay, but it was deeply ironic after the de Villiers disgrace earlier. 101-3 overnight.
Not hopeless, but not good. England could take this series with some ease if they select properly. Meanwhile, I really don't like South Africa. Maybe there's some displaced Mbeki-Zimbabwe contempt in there, but we are making them look good so far and we should be relishing stamping them into a pulp.

I detect a certain degree of disdain, contempt and anger in your match report. I'll work out exactly where it's directed after I read the Guardian's coverage of day one.

Unless something controversial happens, other Tests don't rate a mention in our news, which is normal I guess, I think the same applies to us in your news.

Never a good feeling being bowled out though in under a day. Losings never a good thing and I don't know about you Pin but I don't want to lose to S.A. period. If we need to lose a match then let it be to the old enemy.

Speaking of losing to S.A., I think that well happen tonight in Perth W.A. to the Wallabies as they face the Boks. The most unfriendly ground in Australia for the Wallabies to play a match against S.A. due the large ex-pat population of Saffers and the enormous population of English emigre's who are always happy to see us beat...by anyone as long as we're beat!

Pin this just wouldn't happen here:

"Never mind Freddy Flintoff then, it looks like the day has a new headline story. Pattinson, for those who don't know, worked as a roof tiler until the age of 28, and spent his weekends playing for Dandenong in Melbourne club cricket. Victoria called him up as cover during a spate of injuries in late 2006. He'd been born in Grimsby before moving to Australia(age 6), and after a couple of modest seasons in Australian State cricket he signed for Nottinghamshire at the beginning of this season, since when he's taken 29 wickets at a little over 20 apiece. This. Is. Utterly. Preposterous."

Why does the ECB do this?

Yes, well I couldn't bring myself to explain the unheard-of's origins. You'll have noticed yourself that the bounder spent much of his life in the colonies, but being born in Grimsby, well, of course that's completely beyond the pale.

You're obviously a rugger fan too. I have mixed feelings about the top level. I think an attribute of the finest sports is that you recognise the game you play(ed) yourself in the professional spectacle. I sometimes have my doubts about cricket, but in those terms I've pretty much lost faith in the various manifestations of football.

I had heard of him. He's been racking up the points for my Fantasy Krikkit team for a good couple of months now:

A33126581.

Yes. Played a bit of rugby as a lad, a largish lad deemed a bit too tall for the front row and sent all over the field at the coach's whim: I recognise little of my game in today's game.
I actually enjoyed the pure anarchy of the maul and ruck, sheer thuggery but legal thuggery all the same and where better to have that but on a square of grass between big tall white bits of timber?

I left chunks and bit's of my nose on the field and their location was pointed out to me in a completely detached and pleasant manner by the perpetrator of the deed!


Time to go and watch some true exponents of the art of thuggery, must

Well that was a pleasant surprise! The Wallabies nail down a win over the world champs, good stuff.
As for the third days play at Headingly about the only positive to come out of it was just how canny those English selectors of yours were.
Cunningly plucking the days only wicket taker from obscurity, what a triumph!

Afraid this is a draw at best for your lot it seems or a loss and if it's a loss I wonder whether you'll have one of those familiar batting collapses?

In keeping with the maxim that too much sport is never enough...
WD to that sprinter, Cavandish in the Tour de France, now for the Alps.

You seem to be referring to cricket here. I'm not sure why. I hate the sport and never have anything to do with it.

That Prince can bat, mind. A demonstration of the power of knuckling down, second time in a row. Your lot do it by the teamful. SA, I regret to admit, are halfway good because they have three or four exponents. At the moment, we have Bell and Strauss about once per series each.

The guy at the other end to Prince should have been sent home by now. Despicable.

As for our full-tossing Grimsby-find, it was going down the leg side. At least Harper is an even-handed crap umpire.

The Australian sportsman who really merits a mention over here is an amiable geriatric called Greg Norman. It might all come tumbling down on Day 4, but I really hope he wins. There was something almost James Bond about Norman in white against an inscrutable Korean in black yesterday. I half expected Choi to fling a steel-edged golf cap at him. I bet Harrington comes out in fluffy pink today.

Cavendish is a pure sprinter, of course. What a peculiar sport that is. You can be fantastic at bits of it, and nobody pays any attention. The guy they finally laud gets dragged round by his mates. Plus it's unimaginably painful, and they disqualify you for using anaesthetic.

On drugs, a major sigh of relief when Chambers got stopped. What a pity that the rest of the world isn't following Britain's example, and banning for life. There's a flaw, though, when the sport requires no brain. As ever engineer knows, it's simply good practice to lubricate mere machines.

It is a funny sport isn't it. I don't understand or perhaps don't want to understand it might be more truthful.
Strange sport, strange names at that level and Olympic. The prosaically named 'Madison' for instance and then you have a pelotron. All very odd, all very interesting in an odd way.

That catch...well it goes on all the time doesn't it? All sides seem to fall for it and if they can get away with it they do.

It's funny you know I only just gave this some serious thought recently about why England just does not do well in cricket more than what it does and it does really come down to lack of quality batsmen.
You've always had some good trundlers in your team and they do ok against a lot of the Test nations but good batsmen, let alone great batsmen are few and far between.

Why don't you produce them, it's not as if your short on players?

I do know your selection policies are rubbish and (I think I've said this before) just looking at the number of players to have been selected for both countries says it all, the gap is near 200 and that says something.

Funny, the great white shark is looked upon with some disdain my many Aussies for several reasons not the least being his unappealing Florida accent and most(including me) expect him to choke sometime late tonight and lose by 8 shots.

Done anything on your Brearley/ Basil D'oliveria entries yet?

Interesting fellow is Basil a very real catalyst for change was he.

Gawd. What a truly awful display by England. What to say, what to say...
Why is Broad kicking his heels over in county cricket?
Your selectors are obviously imbibing something odd and noxious.

Hapless, bunnys in the spotlights and SA without it's best bowler what's more. I'd hate to have a team like that as my own to be truthful.

Once again the only bloke to show some bottle is Freddie.

Can only hope he rips through their top order tonight.

You still seem to be referring to cricket here. I'm still not sure why. I still hate the sport and still never have anything to do with it.

They're ostensibly frightened of overplaying Broad.
Not quite bringing Harmison back was a masterstroke.
The only cricketer on the planet further out of form than Collingwood is the [expletive deleted] captain.
When they surely have to try something, Monty's left moping in the outfield.
While we're at it, we might as well add that Ambrose is useless.

And Flintoff did just what you said, pretty much. Almost a pity. When half a team plays out of its skin, it rather lets the more morons who picked the other half off the hook.

Just woke up here Pin so it's over to the Guardian to check out the nights play. Funny you should mention Ambrose.
On a blog over at the sport section of the G I said England needs to drop 3 maybe 5 players and Ambrose was one of the three.



Hate it eh?

Some spine shown at last.

Yeah. That Colly. I've always he's a brilliant bat.
And that Ambrose too. I you need someone to stick around, he's yer man.

Sheesh...

Haha. Yeah, what a time to come good eh?

On another note, we just got flogged from pillar to post by the All Blacks...ouch.