h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi, Erm...you know me, I know you. Lets talk about something interesting. Or just have a quiet kip. Who knows. It's one in the morning, hmmmm, how fun. 3 mini crunchies and a mini galaxy bar, washed down with around 6 cans of coke make Castrator an eccentric chappie as a certain Mr Getty(SP???) would say.

Why I'm here is beyond me, it's probably due to your lack of lack of knowlege causing you to take 2 weeks to write e-mails.

And tell me all about the change in rules by the BBC(Big Bland C-something-or-other-that-I-can't-think-of-now)

Oh yea, your cousin has become verrry strange. She has taken to hanging about with friends who burn things outside the main entrance to the school. In front of the office, and I quote "Heh, we're menal!"(I'm sure she means mental,but there you go). Plus one of her little friend type things has continued to p**s me off by wearing a bag that has the word "Baphomet" tipexed onto it. I am certain he has heard the word somewhere and decided that he wants to be "Menal". Sure, he can do that if he wants, but he should F***ING LEARN A LITTLE ABOUT WHAT BAPHOMET IS! I mean, kids these days. Quasi-moshers and the likes. At least learn a little about the f***ing Knights Templer. Gah.

Well, see you later, or something.

Maybe I need to get out more.

Hello mate! (ignore crap australian accent.)

I have evil impending exams at the moment (hence the lack of email replies.) I should start replying more after about the 13th of June (although I won't be in Uni so I'll still reply slightly less than before)

The change in rules by the Big Bland C***s is that you can't say word like c***s without being starred out. Also you are not allowed to put URL's (B*****r them!) on postings either. Postings can also be completely removed for obscenity. (something I found out last week...the hard way...cool) Annoying.

Yes I have heard about my cousin joining the ranks of the dreaded "mini-moshers." They're almost as bad as neds. In fact one person in the QM thinks that they're worse than neds because at least neds are recognisably scottish when "mini-moshers" are just american clones. I hate the lot of them. Slipnot and Limp Bizkit can suck my c*** (aaaagh! BLDY STARS!)
I think this is my fault because (noticing that she was heading down the dark road to ned-dom) I leant her Nevermind by Nirvana. A damn good album and it is sacrilige to put it next to the same crap that these ned-mosher hybrids listen to.
Last week i was looking in Fopp for CD's. I stopped to see how much the Nirvana live albums were. In the rack where I usually find Kurt Cobain's genuis alt-rock grunge there was a label saying "see metal section." I almost cried. What next, Placebo, radiohead, the Manics. Is nothing sacred? If the metal section was pure metal (Sabbath, Purple, Zombie etc.) I might not have minded but it was all american pop-punk (who the FCK are Crazy Town.) How can you call that metal! Travis are scarier than them. And they can work a guitar better.

Maybe you do need to get out more. Maybe I need to get out more. Maybe the major problems with humanity is because people just don't get out more. Oh no, wait my problem was that I've spent a lot of time getting out and sitting drinking and reading on the grass outside the QM when I should be in lectures. Oh lord why do you tempt me with the glorious sun in the time that I need to study. Oh cruel fate, why dost thou mock me.

That's not God that's a pancake that got stuck to the celing last week.
I know I should not eat thee.

Simpsons, genius.

Oh well. See ya.

All those bloody mini-moshers are about 12! They hang about the Modern Art Galleries in HORDES. Gaaah, why won't they DIE DIE DIE, or at least discover some decent music! They don't even know that the word 'angst' EXISTS, never mind what it means or, probably, how to spell it. ARRRRGH!

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Is it just me, or has Fopp become more expensive since they opened the new branch in Union Street?

You actually call them mini-moshers. That implies that they will actually become moshers. I prefer the term psudo-moshers, and I want to hit the lot of them.
And this will probably be the nicest thing I'll say about them, and I'll get killed for it, but Bams and Neds arn't as bad as the psudo-moshers. Think about it - The Neds do what they do because they want to. They actually want to listen to shite and wear socks over their trousers. The psudo-moshes however, only do what is seen as cool.

Good band I've just heard of - King Adora. (You've probably heard of them, but I don't care) They are like the Manics and the song Big Isn't Beautiful. Is damned Godly.
#I am just a teenage drama queen, I throw my guts up for self esteem#
Woo. etc.





Yours,
Andrew/Andy/Tyers/Fat B*****d/Rectum Raider/TheCastrator

Hello there,

Good points about the moshers (I don't really mind calling them moshers because now most proper moshers are separating themselves into "Goths," "Alt-Rockers," "Metal Fans" and "Punks" although they still hang around together and avoid the minor variety. Pure moshers are a combination of these four stereotypes and are usually closer to one than another. (I'm an Altrocker of course)

I haven't heard King Adora yet even though everyone tells me they are brilliant. I've heard people saying that they are a bit like the early Manics. However they also said that Muse sound like Radiohead (which they do but considering that RADIOHEAD no longer sound like radiohead it's good to see someone keeping the faith and after the boring drawl that was 75% of "Know your enemy" maybe the same applies.

I've been listening out for "Big isn't Beuatiful" It's sounds interesting although the idea of writing a song about anorexia was already don't brilliantly by the Manics on "4st7lbs" (especially considering that Richey WAS anorexic at the time he wrote it.) I've only heard good things about King Adora and will look out even though I am usually wary of new bands. For a live gig i suggest that you go see the local bands night at Strwberry Fields. Most of the bands playing are alright, some really good, some rubbish. However they are usually headlined by a band currently called "Vici" (formerly Vicious Circle.) They are very good creating a brash punkish blare of classic rock sound (again like the early Manics.) They've got a good set list including (my personal favourite) a song about neds called "Beat 'em down!" and usually a fantastic cover of "You love us"
The fact that I'm promoting them, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that I'm friends with them. No of course not.

And here comes the splitting of hairs. "I'm a Goth" "I'm an Alt Rocker" And so on. Then it becomes "I'm a perki Goth" "I'm a mopey Goth" and "I'm an industrial Goth". *Sigh* Why can't people just be what they want to be without giving themselves a label.

I am nothing, pleasingly, I'm myself and I've(Hilariously) been called many things. "A Goth that worships Satan", "Mosher", "Poof", "B*****d that copies everyone to be cool", "Depressive b*****d", "Mopey git", "Sexy", among others.
As you know my musical tastes are incredibly varied and go with my many moods. Semisonic, Beatles, REM, Bowie(???), Travis, Eels, Greenday, Radiohead, Cradle of Filth, loads more, all good depending on how I'm feeling.
Go on then. Catagorise me.

I'm getting Vibrate You (King Adora's first(?) album. I'll tell you what I think of it.)

That seemed like a rant, didn't it.

Who called you sexy?

Anyway, I see your point. I don't tend to like labels but they do mean that it makes it easier to find out if people have similar interests as yourself in stuff like this. (ie. It's quicker to type "I'm an Alt-rocker" than "I am a fan of such bands as Radiohead, Nirvana and the Manic Street Preachers.")

If you want to know about King Adora then ask Good Angel. She's seen them live.

Did you see top of the pops today. It has to be a new record in quality for a "pop-music" program. They had a world exclusive of the new ridiculously expensive U2 video (with Angelina Jolie!!!) Not only that but they had perfoming live, none other than REM!!!!!!!!! and Radiohead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (okay slight overkill on exclamation marks but I am excited.)

Of course no-one fits and label truly. I said that I consider myself an Alt-rocker but my taste in music is even more varied than yours. Most bands don't even fit in one label (eg. Nirvana - Punk/altrock/mosh/grunge, Manics - Altrock/glam/pomprock/metal/punk/stadiumrock etc)
Labels are not like putting people in drawers, no-one fits in one drawer. It's more like putting tags on them (there can be more than one.)

If your curious my CD collection currently contains music by all the following artists.
The Beatles, Eric Clapton, The Divine Comedy, The Eels, Garbage, Green Day, JJ72, Manic's, Moby, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, The Pixies, Placebo, Queens of the stone age, Radiohead, REM, Sex Pistols, Sterophonics, Travis and John Williams (yes the guy who writes scores for Spielberg movies.)
And that's not including the compalation albums or soundtracks that have even more varied bands on them. When I get more money I'm considering buying more music (from a wider range.) I'm deciding between King Adora, Muse, My vitriol, Guns n Roses, Led Zepplin, The Jimi Hendrix experience, David Bowie, The Who, The Clash, Pink Floyd, the rolling stones, rage against the machine and Bob Dylan.
Don't tell me that YOU'VE got weird taste. I'm the king of being different. That's why I choose to think of my self as an Alt-rocker (well this isn't exactly the most mainstream mix.)
If I bought all the records I'm considering and then suddenly got an interest in Soul, Hiphop and Reggae as well I could call myself a purist. Although I'd be lying because I've already broken the first commandment of those who take up music as a religion.
"Thou must not purchase compolation albums, soundtracks or, worst of all, Greatest hits."
I'm screwed.

King adora - Fan bloody tastic.

Get Vibrate You now. It has 5 videos and 14 tracks. And is f*****g amazing.

If you havn't seen it yet, you have to see the Big Isn't Beautiful video - It has someone dressed up in a monkey suit a la Bloodhound Gang and promptly gets punched in the gob.

I now have to emulate Maxi Browne in every way. Stand back Boots, I'm coming for your lipstick!
Bwahahahahahahahahaa

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

I SO wish I'd checked this bit earlier....

Mate, I love King Adora so much it HURTS. Really. I love music more than anything in the world, and I have NEVER been this excited about a band before. I am actually OBSESSED. I just can't explain in words how happy/excited/fidgety I was when you mentioned King Adora.

I interviewed them for Broken Violin fanzine a few weeks ago and Maxi is just the most amazing person. The album is phenomenal (especially the video bits), the badges are ACE and they really are the best band I've seen live, better than the Manics.

But WHY WEREN'T THEY ON TOP OF THE POPS!!!! Turin Brakes were on when they got to no.39. My Vitriol were on when they got to no.31. KA got to no.30 and weren't invited on. And they were no.20 midweek and they weren't on CD:UK either. There's some sort of conspiracy against them, I tell you!

Sorry, I have to go and have a little lie down now....

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

PS. My keeper title was chosen with Robbie G in mind. I'm in love.

The reason they were not on Top of the Pops, is the same as the reason they are rarely (if ever) on the radio. Their lyrics are too harsh, people look at the title of the song, and the lyrics, and see Big Isn't Beautiful as a pro anorexia song, and not what it really is.

I agree with you fully, King Adora are a fantastic band, and I await another album thankyouverymuch.

Most good bands are banned at some point in their carreer. Radiohead were banned from Radio 1 for being too sombre and depressing. They also weren't mainstream enough. After they hit it big Radio 1 where forced to play them and they came crawling back looking for a single to play. Radiohead gave them "Paranoid Android." Six and a half minutes with no chorus, no repeats, much experimenting and possibly the most depressing and sombre bridge ever written. Result!!! There has been a cold war between them ever since. Great song though.
King Adora are definately on the list now.

I wonder what would happen if I were to write something depressing here. Maybe it would trigger the BBC alarms and prozac would be sent to my house immediately. Or maybe they'd just delete the post. I'm not trying. I don't want a message deleted and I don't need prozac. I'm fine I tell you, FINE!

Hmmmm, as Mrs Patterson would say, the wee men in the white coats and van will come and take me away.

Hehehe, I just remembered something, you wrote a poem about lemmings in primary school. I can't remember the name, but I think it was something like "Ode to a lemming".

You fool.

I doubt that the BBC will send hyou free Prozac for writing something depressing. If they did my entire life story would already be published. Prozac is fun!

"Ode to a lemming?" I can't remember that at all. I'm suddenly very intrigued. I remember writing some complete s**t about eagles getting shotbut lemmings...? I don't know. Probably true.

I've written a few poems (and a lot of rock lyrics) recently. They're hopefully better than Ode to a lemming or whatever it was called.

Yes I am a fool but you are Mr T and I can always study. (The great words of Not-Winston Churchill)

Bob (carefully avoiding castration)

I remember this poem very much so. All the primary 7's were called into Mrs Patterson's class(As was the trend), and (of course) us primary 6's in the composite class went too. I can't remember much about that day (6-7 years ago for phucks sake), but I do remember your poem. You were wondering why lemmings do their suicide thing(You don't wonder now, do you), and I think after the poem a teacher told us or something. You even had a little picture on it, of(hilariously enough) lemmings from the computer game. I loved those little guys .

Oh, I've updated my own space thingy, have a look if you care, which I doubt very much.

Long time no talk.

Hate life.

Etc.

You?

I have created a new philosophy.
All philosophies that say that life is s**t are depressing and nihilistic and therefore annoying because they create a vicous circle of sitting on your arse feeling sorry for yourself and making yourself more depressed which just isn't good.
All philosophies that say that life is good and fun are lying and do not deserve our respect.

This is where my philosophy comes in. I beleive that life is S**t but that you might as well enjoy it because death is worse. Therefore life is fun if you stop caring about everything. Forget life successes and go for temporary highs (ie. try to stop thinking about love -which is suicide if you beleive the pumpkins- and just get some mindless sex to cheer yourself up) Once you start to think like an arrogant w**k you become better than them because you are smarter and can beat them at their own game.
Life can be fun, you just have to think right. It's not where you stand but the direction you face.

You are right about "Long time no talk" It wasn't intended. What d'ya want to talk about. I'll start:

What do you think of "Muse" then?

Read about Marx's flowers on the chains thing. That's how I feel about temporary solutions to long term problems. Also, it was echoed in the film 10 Things I Hate About You. It was on the bus back from Alton Towers and I slept through a good bit of it, but I did see a great thing about alcohol being a short term solution of problems and how it is, in fact, completely innefectual. Or something.

Muse, not listened to enough of their stuff, really. Their new song seems a lot like their last, though. Little bit of piano twinkling, then sudden crescendo with mad guitar stuff. As I said, I should listen to more if I want to be objective.

Do you have messenger? If not, get it.

Oooh, just something I remembered from today that cheered me up no end...
Jason Thomas failed all his highers. I am very sick, sad, and twisted, but for what he has done to me in the past, I think he deserves it. I feel that I must quote Chief Wiggum now, "Where's your Messiah now, church boy?"
Bwah ha ha ha Oh crap.

Jason Thomas failed all his highers! Haha! I don't think you're sick at all for that (remember I'm Sick Bob, you're another Bob) If anything I think that this hysterical tragedy only comes second to him catching an incurable disease. Hahaha! Great.

Flowers on chains, yadayadaya, it's true but they are nice flowers and no matter what we do I don't really see the chains going anywhere so we might as well enjoy the little things.

I haven't seen "10 things" in ages. It was quite good from my memory (Everything but the beak and feet!)

Listen to New Born, it's great. It starts off with quiet twinkling before exploding into a massive rock anthem. The new single Bliss has beutiful synthesized arpeggios leading you in before dragging you down with wild guitar crunches and a euphoric major-chord based chorus. You used to be able to get the album (Origin of Symmatry) in Fopp for a tenner but they've upped the price to 12 due to demand. Believe me, it's still worth it. Even for the album track "Space dementia" alone. The lyrics include the lines.

You make me sick/Because I adore you so/I love all the dirty tricks/and twisted games you play/on meeeeee/You make us wanna die/I carve your name in my heart/I'll destroy this world for you/You know you want me to/feel your paaaaaain... etc etc.
Orgasmic.
Buy this album NOW, and then maybe buy the first one (Showbiz) to get a copy of Sunburn, Unintended, Cave, Uno and of course Muscle Museum

(She had something to confess to/but you don't have the time to/so look the other way/I will wait untill it's over/Leaving you looking over your shoulder/Too little much too late/Too long trying to resist it/You've just gone and missed it/It's escaped your world/Can't you see that I am needing/Begging for salvation/But you don't ever give/I don't want you to adore me.I want you to ignore me/when it pleases you/and I'll do it on my own.)

I think I may unblock him from Messenger(Get. It. Please. Do.) and laugh at him. Admittedly, he may commit suicide, but I'd be heralded as a King for that. Did he tell you that God spoke to him? If not, I shall tell you a story...but only once you tell me whether you know of it or not.

We could get rid of the flowers and keep the chains, stare at them for a bit then kill yourself over how they don't match the decor. It's a viable option.

Actually I have listened to nerwborn and the new one, quite good, but at the moment, I don't really need to buy CDs as I can get them off Morpheus for free...with my brand spanking new Cable Modem! Bwah-ha!

Anyway...