h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

HIYA! Oooh, that sounds a bit too chirpy. If you spend a lot of time at the QMU then you might have seen me and not known it. Due to having a mother with ideas beyond her status I go to Laurel Park School. You know. Bad purple, green and yellow tartan (shudder). But I only have 10 necessary days left (thank you God!). I'm always wandering past the QMU with my best mate Sarah (otherwise known as Esther, who's another researcher here) to get a bacon roll at the food van outside the Science-y bit. I've got a friend (Claire Lim) who goes to Glasgow Uni and probably spends more time in the QMU than she does in lectures, home and in bed put together. She has a weakness for red wine. Usual text message conversations go like this: "I'm never going to drink again. Never. I mean it. I don't even like alcohol." Two hours later: "I'm in the QMU. Been drinking for last two hours. Wee bit drunk. Can't be arsed going philosophy lecture. Oops. Hand coordination bad." Except when she's drunk there are a few more misspelled words. Go to [URL removed by moderator] for more details...
Oooh, and Avalanche is in Dundas St. If you come out of Buchanan St Underground station by the Queen St exit then it's just up the steps to your left. It's a couple of doors down from the Celtic shop. The do a lot of hard-to-get second-hand promo CDs.
Am probably boring you now, so bye-bye.
Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Aaagh! Your URL has been removed by an evil moderater (damn these BBC scum!) Could you imply the address that you want me to see without actually saying it. Maybe not. I don't even know what it was.

I've not heard of Laurel Park but your desciption says it all. I went to Williamwood High which is near the top of the league tables in grades but (my year more than any other) has a bad reputation for neds. Not surprising considering that one of my friends got pushed down a flight of stairs, (luckily uninjured) another got his eye shot out with an air gun and someone else slashed their wrists and collapsed in the corridor. I wouldn't say it was the best years of my life (understatement of the century)
If you want a bacon roll then go to the Grosvener Cafe in Aston Road just off of Byers road and leading to the Boyd Orr Building. For other food theres allways the Factory, the Hub and (if you want something slightly more upmarket) the shops in Aston Lane and Byers Road.
Your friend sounds like a typical student. It's the sort of thing I would do.

You if you're coming up soon them you should descibe yourself and I'll look out for you. I know that a few thousand people walk through the QM each day but I'll notice anyone with a halo and wings.

Your friend and equivelant (I sit on the other shoulder giving different advice)

Mr Sick Bob

We should get together and really confuse someone. I'll sit on one shoulder and you can sit on the other . I walked past the QMU today actually at about 2pm in my school uniform (why God why? Lilac and green, why?) with Sarah/Esther.

Ok, the removed URL. Well, it started in the normal way,
[URL removed by moderator]
The best place for bacon rolls, I find, is the Underground Cafe, who also do good milkshakes, although last time I was there I was caught by the Deputy Head of my school nicking a Backyard Babies poster off the wall . And I bought a new hairband in Mumbo Jumbo today, pink with wings and halo attached, although I'm not allowed to wear it in school, and frankly, along with this uniform, it looks rather stupid anyway.

Ok, quick description: very short (about 5'1") brown hair, always tied back. Usually accompanied by girl (Sarah/Esther) of equal shortness with shoulder-length black hair. Also usually tied back. We're normally peeing ourselves laughing as well (not literally), so you'd hear us coming a mile away.

Well, ciao for now!
Luv Your Friend the Good Angel

Argh argh argh ! Do a search for 'broken violin idlewild' and you should find it.

Hi,

Confusing people is one of the things I do best. The others are disturbing people, shocking people, confusing people and purple people.

I found the site. Although your photo's still missing. Your friend looks quite cool, I don't think I've seen her before though (or not when sober enough to remember)

Wear the headband with pride! It's a student (particularly QMU) tradition to look like an idiot. Today I was walking around in a SECURITY t-shirt (with an added IN- at the front.), a grey shirt with two Manic's badges on it, combats and a leather jacket. I had to take most of it off though because it was roasting. Anyway It'll help me recognise you since there are probably a lot of 5,1 brown haired hysterical girls in the QM every day.

Backyard Babies? Hmm... I'm reconsidering talking to you, you mad... er...madwoman.

I'm the ridiculously skinny, ugly mad bloke that can be found mainly in the factory or Jims talking crap about my writings, how to start a cult and how the squirrels are taking over the world, while simultaniously flirting with everything with legs (including the table.)
Okay, okay. A better description. About 5'11" Black hair (that's usually really short but I've neglected it) with sideburns you could get lost in but rather pathetic past-attempt-at-a-goatee chin fluff.
Usually seen in a large leather jacket and combats or jeans and a semi-offensive t-shirt.
Okay not very complemtary but I have a lot self-loathing and I enjoy catharsis (which is probably why I write.)
I'm usually seen found talking to an even scarier looking bloke almost a foot taller than me and in a womans navy coat (my friend Dave), a girl about my height with red hair and a smile that could kill (his girlfriend, Connie) and a bowl of some bizarre form of pasta (my lunch, courtesy of the factory) Both thorougly decent people (the pasta's a bit dodgy though)

See ya around.

Bob





PS. oh yeah and my real name isn't Bob. It was a nickname I got given after creating a character of the same name. I have many psuedonyms but usually go with "J" since it's easy. Sorry about the confusion. I may explain another day.

Stay Beautiful
We hope you are okay

J.

My last self-description is a bit out now.

I decided that I looked a complete mess and got a haircut and a shave. I was on one of those "don't care about anything" self-destructive trips last week and didn't really care how I looked.

I don't have sideburns anymore and minimal chin fluff. I also have fairly short hair. Both of these combined also mean that I don't look quite as ugly or mad (I was also a bit too self-depreciating last week.) but can still be found in the same places with the same mad people.
I've also started dressing smarter (in shirts!!!!) for reasons I can't fathom. Maybe it has some thing to do with the pollen count.

Purple People?

Sorry about the ridiculing of the Backyard Babies. I don't actually know who they are (me the ignorant one.) But thought they sounded strange (but isn't that always a good thing...well no, but usually)

I only have one Backyard Babies song (on a free Melody Maker CD: St Valentine's Day Masscare...), I just nicked the poster because Dresden (one of the blokes) is lovely.

Got new butterfly wings today in The Sentry Box. Blue and pink, lovely.

Am going to try and hang about in the QMU more when school finishes (last necessary day is this Friday) so might see you there. Halo, wings, King Adora t-shirt, that's me. Claire wearing her silk-shirts-that-really-were-made-from-Seventies-era-curtains, downing wine. Krystal wearing something that probably says 'Bench' (she's addicted to Cult Clothing), otherwise looking similar to Willow from Buffy (same hair at least).

Probably see you anyway,
Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Ooooh...

In ten years time, if Melody Maker hasn't been started up again then me and my mate Krystal are going to do it. Want to join the revival team and be a future MM journalist???

Just a thought...

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

I've always preferred "Q" (constant Radiohead fan trait) but I did like MM. When I was at school I was really fed up with the censorship on the official school magazine (and also the buerocrasy that caused it to be useless.) and I considered starting my own underground paper called "8mm Magazine." It would have contained the stories that were rejected from the school mag for being too "controversial" or, in my case, "obscene" as well as parodies of all the teachers, REAL student issues (not the crap that the teachers preteneded to care about but the stuff the tried to ignore or even cover up) and interesting articles (such as "how to make plastic explosives from fertiliser, soap, and acids stolenm from chemistry")
However it never got off the ground as none of my friends had the guts to help me start it and I wasn't going to do it on my own. I still like the name though (I'm a sucker for double entendre's.)
I'll probably be hanging around the QM for the rest of the Uni term (except when studying or meeting last minute deadlines) but may be attracted back to it during the holiday by boredom, the need for cheap alcohol, the atmosphere or simply because I can't stand my parents bitching at me any longer.
It may be better not to tell your friend that I have a poster of Willow on my wall.

Luv,
your mad, bored friend
Bob

hi i've found Jason!!!! its me btw hi to other person too! i go to hutchie so depending on ur stand point on the whole merger u may well want to shoot me! oh well! anyway can either of you explain what the whole site thing is about???? i dont nderstand!!1 and Jason when is sanguine snow going up??? talk to u later x

Hello Princess, (cool name by the way.)

The site is fairly simple. If you want to write there is an option on your home page (click My Space) You can click Edit Page to change your intro or likewise on future entries. You probably know the forums already (well we are currently in one.) To find other articles, just type the subject into search. Simple.
I'm not going to put any of my stories up until I've copywritten (copyrighted? I dunno) them just in case the BBC decide to rip off my plotlines (if you read the site rules they are allowed to do that.)
Sanguine Snow would probably be removed by the Bloody moderators for obscenity anyway. The won't even let me type the word BLDY without starring it out. Dagnimmit, these flipping BBC runts!
(I hate censoring myself, it doesn't come naturally.)

Luv, your friend,
Bob

Hey, I don't want to shoot people from Hutchie, just our board of governors. And I'm leaving this year anyway so it doesn't really bother me as much as it otherwise would. The only thing that bothers me is that people keep referring to it as a merger when it's not really. But I didn't take part in the 'protest' or any rubbish like that. And I suffered the Park/Laurel Bank merger in 1st year/2nd year, and it wasn't too difficult (apart from the fluffing uniform!!! Whoever designed it should be stoned in the street and fed to crows ).

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Once again I am happy to be at University.

Although I can't wait until next year because most of my friends are still at school.
Although i am usually a good student I forsee many skived lectures and hours spent on the grass outside Jims Bars with some friends, a drink and maybe even a guitar. Life is good.

The stoning suggestion may be a bit un-PC considering what has been happening in the news lately. Let he (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone (as said by an intelligent philosopher who's image was slightly maimed by his megalomania.) Since we are not without sin, we should not throw stones. Therefore I suggest that we grab the B*****S, tie em up and sacrificially burn them. There was no mention of that in the Bible (well there probably was but I don't care)

Hahaha.

Bob(going slightly manic)

Sorry, I'm not a great reader of newspapers or watcher of TV news (except the channel 5 late night newsflash just before the porn starts, but the sound is usually turned down... just kidding) so I didn't realise . But burning sounds good .

You should go to the Botanic gardens. Not only is there a great ice cream van just outside, but there's always loads of gorgeous people (both sexes, according to taste) sunbathing, playing frisbee or occasionally playing guitar. The guy next to me today was playing Gomez on guitar.

(I'd actually really like to be able to play guitar, and I started learning about 4/5 years ago, but my nails are too long to hold the chords down now; and since I'm a glam girl I'm reluctant to give up my naturally long nails for anything, which also makes typing fast something of an impossibility).

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Hello there.

Mmm... poor quality channel five porn, what would life be like without it?

I've started hanging around the hill behind the fire exit of Jims bar since they started opening it on hot days. There is no frisbee but there is much sunbathing, drinking, studying (usually simultaniously) and a few days ago I found someone playing (and singing) Nirvana and Queens of the Stone Age on a guitar. Hearing both bands acoustic is a strange but pleasant experience (I'm now going to buy Unplugged in New York)

I've recently bought a guitar and are feebly trying to learn it (still at the stage where it takes me half and hour to change chords.)
I've got a Stratocaster replica by Jim Deacon which is constantly out of tune and not very loud considering that I've not saved up for an Amp yet. So I'm currently trying to learn on my sisters acoustic. Very badly but it's fun. I'd really like to form a band simply to do a Richie (Play the occasional chord but usually mime simply to be allowed to write the lyrics and be the head of the bands publicity.) I considered singing but I don't know how good I am (I have been known to sing "Dragula" by Rob Zombie and "October Swimmer" by JJ72 within minutes of each other so I may have a chance.)
I've already written many lyrics but they are a bit redundant until I can write music to them. I used to play piano but haven't touched the instrument for over a year so I doubt I'll be any good anymore (although I should pick it back up fast...like riding a bike)
I also find that my fingernails are annoyingly long. I'm not particularly into glam androgeny (well at least not while living at home, my dad would probably kill me, I might in future though) but I just don't bother cutting them (This isn't just complete laziness, I just don't care what people think of me)
The lyrics are really strange launching from personal experience to political ranting and the occasional lines of complete lunacy. When I first started writng I was listening to "The holy Bible" way too much and this may explain why the lyrics are so, not to put it lightly, FCKED!
The newer ones were inspired by everything from the Manics to Radiohead to Placebo, Green day, the Eels, the Pixies, QOTSA, Garbage and NIN. It's disturbing. I'd publish them on h2g2 but I need to get them copyright-ed first.

Luv, your friend,

the Sickest of all Bobs

Will look out for you on the hill then.

My mother refuses to actually let guitars in the house for some reason, which is a bit of a pain .

I tried writing lyics too, which were shockingly dreadful. Mind you, I was listening to lots of Radiohead . I also suffer from Steve Lamacq syndrome, ie. I want to be in a band, but to be the bass player and not get much of the spotlight put on me. Unless it turns out to be a Nicky Wire situation of course.

If you ever want your nails done, COME TO ME!!! I do lovely manicures, and can paint little stars on them and things. Right now my nails are painted black with iridescent glitter on top (is that spelled right? I don't know...)

Have to do bloody work this week. Not like I don't have exams in two weeks or anything which I could study for , but instead I'm stuck in an office designing logos, occassionally putting the King Adora enhanced CD in the computer when no one's looking . Mmmmmmmm.

And school's finished!! YES, thank you GOD!!!

Luv Your Friend the Good Angel

Mmm, Radiohead. Good choice girl. My current favourite band (closely followed by the Manics.)
You should post your lyrics (unless also afraid of BBC copyright.) I'd be intersted to see them.

I have my first exam on the 31st. although I'm almost finished first year now. Cool.

I should not be on the hill for a while due to the sudden lack of sunshine. I should most easily be found in Jims Bar or the Food Factory. If I'm not there then I'll be in either a lecture or on the computers in the Boyd Orr Building (like now.)
I'm the wierd looking bloke in the leather jacket (doesn't really narrow down in the QM) with an army rucksack who will probably be hanging around with even scarier looking people

Ban on guitars? Strange. My parents bought me a guitar. Although I thnk that was becuase I was acting a strange and depressed for a while beofre and they wanted me to be distracted from other Richie-esque activaties. (Steve Lamaq returns.) I actually worked and inspired me to write more lyrics (even if I couldn't play a note.)

See ya.

Luv, ur M8 (aaagh! yuppie text language nooooo!)

Mad Bob

Hey-hey, I am a keeper now!

I thought we were in for a nice long hot summer there, and then all the sunshine suddenly vanished!

And I would never EVER post my lyrics on h2g2 even if Richey Edwards himself were to ask me. Well, maybe actually...

My first exam is June 4th, CSYS English. A month set aside for exams and my three are within four days, how s*** is that . (The other two are Higher Economics June 6th and Advanced Higher Latin June 7th )

Anyway, must dash, have some actual real work to do (making business cards, boring...)

luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

PS. txt msg language, GAAAAAAAH!

You're the keeper of skinny boys with cheekbones!!!! aaargh! That means that you own me! (although I don't wear mascara...my parents may have bought me a guitar but I still think they would freak if I wore make-up. However I am going to be moving out in just over a year.

I have a chemistry exam on the 31st and a biology on the 13th. I might have Psycology on the 4th as well but there is still a chance that I could get exempt from it for being a genius. (why is there no smiley?)

Latin? Wow. That wasn't even an option at my school.

I understand your fear of posting lyrics. I used to never show anythng I'd written to anyone. After a while I started showing people my short stories to see if I could shock them. Then poems, then scripts, then lyrics. Eventually i became a bit addicted to critisism (mainly positive but I really enjoyed being called mad, pretentious and a sick sick freak on a few occasions.) and would show stuff to everyone. However I soon noticed that my friends could decipher which songs were about them or which characters were based on their own actions and they weren't best pleased. Time to run and hide.

Oh well, C'est la mort. Grosse seelum dulden still.

Stay Beautiful

Bob

awwwwwwwwwllllll they tied me down drugged me and removed my appendics!!!! b******s!!!!and my cyst!!!! but they said i had merely hours to live so i forgave them....the end thanks for listening x