h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello there. Mind if I call you Affy? That's what they call me, after all.

Anyway, nice to meet you. I'm Afgncaap5 (or "Affy Person" when I need a last name), and I'm the founder/owner of a place called Crater Labs, Incorporated that's been serving h2g2 for just over five years now.

Anyway, judging by the amount of forums that you're in you've already had the official welcomes and introductions, so this is just a social call.

Have a great day! And if you ever need any sci-fi equipment or mad science gear or salvage or adventuring companions, CLI is the company to come to!

Have a nice day, then. Say hi to Dalboz for me.

I see you have been playing the old "zork grand inquisitor", then. It's nice to know someone else spends time checking out the £4.99 racks as well.

P.S. I know this is a stupid question, but is the crater labs thing real, or did you just make it up?

Zork Grand Inquisitor? Yes, I play that one from time to time. I'm a fan of the entire Zork series. Zork I, Zork II, Zork III, Enchanter, Sorcerer, Spellbreaker, Wishbringer, Beyond Zork, Zork Zero, Return To Zork, Zork Nemesis, Zork: The Undiscovered Underground, and Zork Grand Inquisitor. It's a shame that they never got around to the two sequels, though, isn't it?

As for CLI, it's both real and virtual. The CLI here on h2g2 is a massive, intergalactic organization dedicated to adventuring technology. We've provided everything from space ships to robots to Inflatable Squids (the world's most unusual party favors).

However, CLI also exists in real life as a company that I've created, devoted to selling what little trinkets I can invent in my spare time. There's the radial clock (which measures time in radians, so that you can see time the way that you see a circle), Infern-O's (a whole grain breakfast cereal with salsa dust, dried jalapeno slices, and cilantro (it tastes much better than it sounds)), and whatever computer software I make (so far my most popular are the Infinite Monkey Simulator and the Random Corporate Motto Generator program, though I'm working on a few text adventures at the moment as well).

I've even been able to work it into the occasional stand-up comedy routine (the Infern-O's commercial translated very well to that, much to my pleasure).

I guess that if I believe a lot of that, others would take me for a gullable fool. Anyway, I really enjoyed Inquisitor, so where can I get the others, do they have the same sense of zorkish humour that I adore, do they cost much and do they work on the xp home edition? P.S. Where can I get the probably nonexistant cereal?

The others? That might be difficult, really. Zork (as well as all other titles created by Infocom) is currently owned by Activision, and they've been sitting on the title since 1997 without really doing anything with it.

However, I can confirm that the other games, with the exception of Zork Nemesis, are all just as funny, albeit darker on occasion. Zork Nemesis is still funny, but it's much darker (the gameplay is also different. Rather than figuring out puzzles and mapping mazes it feels more like a scavenger hunt. A ghost-filled, paranoia-inducing scavenger hunt).

But just so you know, must Zork games don't have graphics. Most Zork games are text-based, so that when you enter a new room the description is typed to you. Then you type in what it is that you want to do, and the results of your actions are typed for you. It can get tough becoming used to this style of game play, but it's worth it after the initial frustrations (also, the text-based games are, in general, much longer and harder than the graphical ones as it is cheaper to create a text-based world than a graphics-based one).

I don't know offhand where you can purchase these games legally, but I can look around for you. I know some links, some people....eBay might be the best place to look, and I also know of a place called Ye Olde Infocomme Shoppe, but the latter tends to be expensive as those are all items in pristine condition for sale by collectors. But I'll return ASAP with a few links.

In the mean time, if you want to do some snooping yourself, I've got some hints...

-The original three games, Zork I: The Great Underground Empire, Zork II: The Wizard Of Frobozz, and Zork III: The Dungeon Master, are all considered Freeware now, and can be downloaded at various places.

-Similarly, those three games are actually extended and remixed versions of a previous game (done by the same people) that was simply called Zork (though for about a year it was called "Dungeon", and for some reason more people know it by that name which, by rights, should be the more obscure of the two). This larger version is also freeware and is downloadable at a lot of places online. However, if you thought ZGI was hard, then you'll think that Zork I, II, and III are harder. This may be the hardest of the bunch as there's just so darn much to keep track of. I only recommend this game after you've played and enjoyed three or four of the other text-based games.

-The company that owns Zork is called Activision. It's rare, but every once in a while they'll sell previous Zork and Infocom games as part of a collection. If you can find "The Masterpieces Of Infocom" collection at either Activision's web site or on eBay, then you can purchase this collection which includes Zork I, Zork II, Zork III, Enchanter, Sorcerer, Spellbreaker, Wishbringer, Beyond Zork, and Zork Zero (including several other fantastic games, two of which (well, more like 1.5) were written by Douglas Adams himself!)

-The game "Zork: The Undiscovered Underground" is the last text-based Zork game produced, and was only created as a promotional thing for Zork Grand Inquisitor. The shortest of all of the Zork games, but still created by two of Infocom's old guys (including one of the guys who made the original Dungeon), this game is also Freeware. I have no idea where it's available for downloading at the moment, but it is. This may also be a good starter game, as it takes place just a year before 1067, the year that Zork Grand Inquisitor took place in.

-Return To Zork was the first of the graphical games, circa 1994, and is considered something of a collector's item. It's the furthest in mythology from a Zork game out of them all, but it's captured the spirit of the series in a crude fashion that at times even surpasses Zork Grand Inquisitor.

-I happen to have written an Edited Guide entry called "Zork - The Computer Game" which details more information than a normal human being could ever want to know about Zork, ranging from game descriptions to the briefly-considered-but-quickly-canned Zork Movie idea (I'm glad it was cancelled, as it was to be done by the same people who did the Mortal Kombat movies....eugh....). I'm not sure how, but that page could probably help in some way.

That's all I can think about off the top of my head. I'll be back with some more definite links later.

As for CLI, I understand the skepticism. But rest assured, it exists in both its virtual form here on the Guide, and in its real form in real life. I mean, I don't pretend to actually make money with this company (although, if my radial clocks sell well enough, I may see a profit soon), I just make laughs. I basically wanted it to be prop comedy where the props are real: thus, every act can turn into a commercial. That's why my clocks sell the best: it's a joke that the math-nerds of the world will all get.

As for the cereal, you'd have to track me down where I live so that I could make a bowl for you, and show you the crude box that I've thrown together. However, as you paid for ZGI with pounds instead of dollars, I'd imagine that tracking me down would require a journey by either boat or plane on your part. And let's be frank: no cereal, however novel and delicious the concept, is worth the trip. Unless you're the Trix Rabbit.

Methinks I should include a link to the virtual CLI in my next visit here.

thaks for all the slightly frightening info about zork. I have played on and nearly completed the HHGTTG game, but I forgot to feed the dog. I like the sound of your apparent quest for pointlessness, and I think your company is cool. I haven't seen you on many threads, so which are you on, and have you joined the clique or any other not-so-secret clubs? thanks again for all you help.

affy

Clubs? Well, kinda.

I've been around too long to really feel "at home" at any of the real clubs at h2g2, as the clubs were done differently before the BBC takeover. I'm more of an "adventure organizer and participant", I'm afraid.

However, I'm a semi-regular poster at a place called Lil's Atelier. It's a conversation-pit that's kind of like a club. Oh, and I'm also a semi-retired member of CHOPPERS (the h2g2 super hero guild), and I've had multiple things to do with the creation/continuation of STUMPED (the h2g2 super villain guild).

But it's basically just the adventures and Lil's Atelier for me, I'm afraid.

Oh, but you should check out Club Zork. I hear that they're a nifty place.