h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi KM! How are you?

Erm, I don't know how to break this to you but someone seems to have stolen your tent from my place. I feel so bad, I'm sure if I'd been around more they wouldn't have had the opportunity. They even took my carpet along with it. K'ah, I dunno. Some people. No respect for property.

*shakes head*

Oh, it wasn't... that is to say, what happened is I... er, don't worry about it Jonny, I'm sure it'll turn up, and if I see your carpet, I shall fight valiantly to get it back so that I may return it to its home.

I'm here to vouch for KM's carpet retrieving skills. She's unmatched really. I think that if someone stole MY carpet, I would hire her to go and find it...and pay her a heafty bonus....

*quietly hands KM the car keys*

PPPpssssstt!

*politely refuses to touch car keys*

Look, I know what I'm going to do with them, and no good could come of it, because it's really late. So, you know.

Thanks KM, it's a relief to know that you're on the case! In the event that it doesn't turn up I've been looking at my carpet brochure to decide what to go for next. I've narrowed it down to two choices, what do you (and Krissy) reckon I should go for?

It's eiher this white one with the big black spiral pattern (*holds up exhibit A*) or this splotchy one with the elephants and confused looking fish (*holds up exhibit B*)

Well, If I spot your tent anywhere, I'll let you know.

Right then, what's all this about car keys?

Um...I was giving the car keys to you, Jonny, so's that you can go and pick up your new carpet.

Hmmmm...I'm rather fond of the confused looking fish. But then, who isn't fond of confused looking fish?

Hmmmm...

*strokes chin in a fashion to indiacte that he's not entirely satisfied with Krissy's answer with regard to the keys but isn't going to pusg the matter any further*

You know, I'm rather going off the elephants and fish - I kind of feel as if the fish are being cruelly exploited. Mind you, the spiral thing makes me feel all wobbly if I look at it for too long. Huh, I duuno. Can't even make up my mind about a carpet, what chance do I have with important things?!

Pusg the matter!! Pusg the matter!! Pusg the matter!!

Hee hee...*walks across the spiral carpet* *keeps falling down*

You could get an Escher pattern, but then you might never know you were home...you would just keep walking into the living room over and over again!

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny... these *are* the important things!

I like the elephants. They're very unusual.

And frightening. I like frightening.

"Psug the matter!!" ? I don't seem to understand half the stuff that goes off round here these days.

I like the idea of the Escher carpet, however it seems that the only one available has even more confused fish than those consorting with scary elephants turning into birds.

So, I need to put carpets higher up my list of priorities? I really need to rethink the way I live my life!

"Carpet" is a neat word.

It's composed of two smaller words, "Car" and "Pet". But carpet is neither a car NOR a pet! Fascinating.

*wanders through with a hat*

Ladies and Gentlemen! SPARTUS!!

Give it UP!

*flops down on the floor*

Maybe you could just re-finish the wood.

The hat's made of wood? No wonder you're not wearing it.

Yep...

*thonking the hat down on the floor*

's heavy!

I used to have a mahogany beanie with a little propeller, but my chiropractor used it as firewood. Ho hum.

I once had a mahogany beanie too, but I used my chiropractor as firewood and they wouldn't let me keep it in prison. Ho hum.

YOU TOO??? No WAY!!!

Way.

*sits back and ponders it all*

Have you worked out what this means yet?