h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Carole! Your story about The Cherry Cake was picked from the Alternative Writing Workshop to be featured on the <./>FrontPage</.> for the Underguide. We had left you some messages on the conversation you had in AWW for the story, but apparently at some point you have unsubscribed from there so you've missed the last few comments. The original thread is F74130?thread=569154

To make a long story short (or a short story even shorter), I am the Polisher shining up your entry for its Front Page feature. Here's a copy of the last post in the original thread which outlines changes and suggestions I made. Please feel free to disagree or disregard any of them; after all it's your piece and it will appear however you want it to.


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I've polished a version of your story here: A4182446.

Before it's finished, though, I had a couple of suggestions for you -
the vol-au-vents had even risen in a straight line and didn't look like the leaning Tower of Pisa >> Since the vol-au-vents are plural, would it sound better to say 'the vol-au-vents had even risen in a straight line and didn't look like little leaning Towers of Pisa? Or not. Your call.
The lines that were thought and not spoken I put in italics instead of single quotes. If you prefer them in the quotes I'm happy to change it back.
I made a few punctuation amendments, if you'd like to read through and make sure I haven't inadvertently changed the meaning of something that would be great.
Everyone rhubarb rhubarbed and it was clear... >> I'm not familiar with this expression, is it correct?

Let me know what you think and I'll make changes as you like.
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Hi Gem polisher,

Wow I feel honoured! Yes everything you have done seems fine to me and I am happy with it.

Rhubarb rhubarbed comes from what actors mumble when they aren't saying lines but are in a crowd scene and have to talk (they say "rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb"). However, this might be a bit obscure so you could say "Everyone chattered at once" or something like that instead.

Sorry I missed the messages

Carole

How interesting! I'd never have guessed.
Just because it's a phrase I'm not familiar with doesn't mean others won't know what it means. I'll leave it as it is, because that's the 'voice' that you've written it in and I want to preserve that as much as possible. After all, it's your story, not my version of your story - that's what the UnderGuide is all about!

I shall tell the editors that it's ready to go, and it should grace the Front Page in the near future. You can keep an eye out for it if you like, it should appear on a Friday and run for the weekend in the next few weeks.

Thanks!
broe

Dear Broe

Thank you - I will look forward to seeing it.

Carole