Journal Entries
Crying
Posted Feb 18, 2005
again
Life is so hard.
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Feb 18, 2005
17 out of 200
Posted Feb 17, 2005
This is just a statistic from our small community. A rather alarming one, if you ask me......
In the past year 17 out of the 200 people in our community have DIED
Some have been unforseen deaths, like accidents or heart attacks in seemingly healthy persons. Others have been a while in coming for some of the very aged.
Just thought I'd speak about that as a matter of interest.
TEENAGERS-
Tired of being harrassed by your stupid parents?
ACT NOW!
Move out, get a job, pay your own bills while you still know everything!!!!
I am going on a date friday night
First off, I'm not sure I really want to go, as it isn't with Mr. O.
Second, my girlfriend Jan told me that if I tried to back out of the date, she would personally drive me down to Saskatoon and force me into the restaurant where the date is supposed to be, even if it meant she would have to borrow gas money to get me there. She says that I need to get back into living, and I need to look at this as an adventure, even if it means I only get a bunch of awful rotten date stories to amuse her with. I know she is right, and has only the best intentions toward me (she is Mr. O's cousin), but I'm afraid.
Third, I haven't the courage to think I'm even half-presentable physically, as I have gained 25 pounds since having had my abortion, and then having had foot surgery which prevented me from even walking around for eight weeks. I'm nervous about being 'ugly'. Physical appearance has always been a big issue for me, as the man who sired me always told me the only thing I would ever have going for me was my body, and I'd probably never amount to anything except if I made my living flat on my back
(Definitely NOT father material, wouldn't you say?)
So, here's the plan.
I leave directly from w*rk tomorrow at 5pm, and drive to the big city. I am to meet him at a friend's place, after which we will go and rent an hotel room for me to stay at for the night (paid for by him at his insistence). Then we will go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, and possibly a movie, or whatever else he has planned. Then he will take me to my hotel room, leave me there for the night, and come to pick me up the next morning to go for breakfast and a day of shopping.
Sounds safe enough to me.
I know this man VERY WELL, as we have been friends for 25 years. I've never thought of him in 'that' light before.
So, I think it will be interesting at the very least.
Jan tells me to go and have fun. I know I should, and it might do me a world of good just to get out with a friend for some innocent fun.
The thing is that when I asked Steve-O (my boss and 'landlord/mortgage owner') to look after the 
and the farm for the night, he asked why. I told him I had a date, and he got weirded out somehow, and said "So, does this mean you'll soon have somebody other than the to sleep with?" It was almost like he was upset
Then he tells me that he's going to Vancouver for a few days and can't take care of the , so I'd better ask someone else.
I get someone else then. Two brothers that both have real crushes on me, but aren't all that emotionally or intellectually advanced, but are very nice people who have a talent with working with animals. When I called Steve-O to tell him I'd gotten Stan and Keith to do the job, he got even more weird and said "Well. This just gets more interesting. It's obviously not THEM then, is it? Who are you going out with?"
I told him I wasn't telling him, and he wasn't supposed to let anyone know what I was doing.
Then I called him this morning to tell him one of my favorite 
had a baby girl in the night, and that she might need some care, but......
"Oh, ho!", he interrupts me with. "You don't want to have anyone to care for while you're out on your DATE!" (He says this on the phone while standing next to the biggest gossip in the whole community
)
I don't know who pee'd in his cornflakes, but I think he's jealous
I miss Mr. O.
I know I can't keep hoping things will be different with him. We've been apart for a year.
But, I'm nervous about this date.
I need some advice!!!!
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Feb 17, 2005
Pictures
Posted Feb 14, 2005
O.K.
I know this will sound a bit loony, but I want everyone to send me pictures of themselves.
I want to know who I'm talking to.
I am going to try to get a picture of me, so I can send it to anyone who wants a good laugh.
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Feb 14, 2005
Darrion says HI!
Posted Feb 12, 2005
That's my 7 month old grandson.
He's trying to get his Mom's attention while she curls my hair
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Feb 12, 2005
Stupid Smelly Sappy Hearts Day
Posted Feb 12, 2005
Actually, I don't like 
day
It reminds me of the stuff I don't have in my daily life, like a who loves me.
I left home yesterday to come to the city, so I could avoid the annual Valentine's Day dinner and dance our little community has. And, I'm not going back home until the offending day is over. Besides, I see the Orthopaedic Surgeon
on monday, so I can see why my foot isn't healing as fast as I want it to. It's still swollen, and my surgery was November 29/04
My oldest daughter, Rebecca, was admitted to hospital yesterday, with type 1 Diabetes. She wasn't presenting with any symptoms, but a routine urinalysis showed high sugar, so further tests were done. She found out a few days ago, but didn't tell me until yesterday. Unfortunately I was the last person she told, and she swore all others to secrecy, so I feel slighted as well as terribly worried.
Jim-Bob had to be put down on thursday, as both of his back legs snapped off. The frostbite
was just too much for his little limbs. I haven't felt like eating, and have had terrible nightmares since, so I look like death warmed over.
I am going to a Symphony concert tonight. My kids' Dad is the guest artist, and we have great seats. I'm taking my 5 boys, my Mom, my Aunt, and me. The van will be full.
Tabitha couldn't go because she didn't have a sitter, and Rebecca is now in the hospital, so she can't go either.
I'm trying hard to NOT think about Mr. O this weekend, but the more I try to NOT think about him, the more I miss him
Well, everyone take care.
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Feb 12, 2005
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