Journal Entries

:-)

This weekend was just as good or even better than I expected/hoped. still smiling. Things went smoothly with the whole airport, picking up Ez and Roni and having Ruth there. It all seems like eons long and eons ago. already. wow. anyway, we did some crazy stuff like drinking on the roof of my school and nargilah...it was really great. lots of people were there who I haven't seen in a while and really like to spend time with. things are definitely good right now.

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Latest reply: Nov 7, 2000

happy daylight savings!

I have an extra hour tonight to sleep...or stay up and write a journal entry. tonight was pretty fun, even for a USY dance. Having the glowstick/pois was a great ice breaker and a way for me to be different and entertaining and "cool" at the same time.
But things were a bit confusing with the whole guy issue. Marc is still flirting with me but I would never get with him again. It made things too weird the first time. And he's Marc. no offense but he is who he is and he gets on my nerves a lot.
Then there was Joe. There was definite flirting there but then he spent the whole busride home with Sara. And Joy was supposed to ask him how he felt but didn't. God, how immature is that? 3rd grade at least. I guess I'll just go with the flow on this one. things'll happen when they happen and if they don't then no biggie. whatev. I have too much else to obsess over excluding boys. boys are silly anyway.

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Latest reply: Oct 29, 2000

Things

Wow, what a profound way to begin a journal entry.
But things are things and I'm really tired and not making any sense so that shouldn't matter. My life right now is not that bad. My birthday was 2 days ago. 17. It's just an age that is. Not very exciting though. I went over to my friend Benj's house and a bunch of us hung out. it was good to be surrounded by people. Then Benj spilled cider on me so I had to borrow his skirt, yes he has a skirt, long story though. And I got to see my friend Dov who came home from college to avoid his parents. That was cool. and besides homework, life is good. I told Jon I didn't think I was ready for a relationship with someone so far away, and he seems to have taken it pretty well. He's actually starting to insult me in his emails, which I kind of expected. it's certainly more healthy than trying to impress me. And Ruth and Roni and Ezra will all be here within two weeks. I can't express how excited I am. and if I get any sleep, things should be very interesting. very interesting dynamics will all be together under the same roof for a while. a good social experiment...I can't wait. I sit in school and think about how people will react to my teachers and I still have to figure out how Roni's getting here from the airport. It'll all work out though. smiley - smiley and then the next week I go to boston for 3 days, come home and 3 weeks after that go to d.c. then is winter break and winter seminar which will be so much fun! so yeah. things. things are good right now.

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Latest reply: Oct 22, 2000

I seem to be giving a bad impression

I just read all of my past entries and they're all quite depressing. On to a lighter subject: Akiba's opening night performance of "Hello, Dolly!" went better than expected even with the few glitches. The spotlight operators were marvelous (no bias there!) and I actually like getting a bird's eye view of everything. Eep! Russell's coming to the show tomorrow and he says he's coming to see *me*. I really hope I haven't been leading him on in my emails. I don't know. I guess it's a self-fulfilling prophecy thing. I don't want him to like me but in some ways I wish he would so I could feel better about myself. Okay this is getting depressing again. Judah's home for the summer. It should be fun hanging out with him until I go to Israel (mbimbimbimbi) and that in itself will be a really cool experience. I just have to remind myself to let loose and not be so uptight and just go with the flow...MBI! I can't believe I'm going. I can't believe I actually convinced mom and dad and that I wasn't a wimp when talking to them and this summer is going to be sooooo cool!!!!! I can't wait. Well I can but I really don't want to. Okay so I have 12 more days of actual school, then a little break, then off to Mohonk, maybe DC if we can get our act together, and then to Israel. If I'm lucky when I get back I can get driving lessons and contacts. That would be cool. Every year for the first day of school i come back changed in some way, usually my hair. This year it would be cool to come back without my glasses. And maybe a car. Okay that last one's pushing it but oh well. I am not ordinary or conventional. I am not predictable. I am Johannah. Hear me roar!!!

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Latest reply: May 29, 2000

as a wise woman just said

I was just sitting here listening to some ani difranco music. A lyric that just really hit me was, "life just keeps getting harder/and it just keeps getting harder to hide/the darker it is around me/the easier it is to see inside."
Anyway...life has been interesting lately. I just keep hitting that glass wall with my parents. I think they'll be okay with something and then-BAM-out of nowhere this babble about not reaching my full potential comes and knocks me to the ground.
Stage crew is going quite well though I wish I could be there for more sessions (for reasons, see above). I'm actually getting nervous for the performances-not really for the actors-but for me up 20 feet on the catwalk. that should be interesting. There was something I was going to say before. Oh well. lost that train of thought. I hope I can be in the musical next year. stage crew is fun an all but it's kinda disconnected. I wanna be out there on stage. I like dressing up and playing pretend. I get to be someone else for a few hours. maybe even wear something that shows skin. quelle shock.
My brother has been annoying me and it really hurts. he's the only one who knows my parents and doesn't have the immediate urge to say "oh, they're sooo cool!" or to tell me that I look like mom. I mean, they're not bad people but i just wish they would get off my back. But to do that I have to get good grades and make them trust me. To do that I actually have to work. But when I work when *they* say I have to work then I'm just unproductive. When I'm unproductive then I don't get my work done. It's a nasty cycle.
I'd also like my privacy back. I want to be able to just do what I want to do without calling home and asking mommy's permission. I'm 16 and a half. i can make my own damn decisions! I know what I want.
aaaaaaaaaaaack. I really need to calm down. Think-tomorrow: bring sleeping bag to Benj's, go to school, blech, deal with that shit, do crew, get in touch with my feelings and my parents feelings with Dr. Sherry, come home, be akward, do homework, go to sleep. Friday: deal with school and then....Seminar!!!! who knows? maybe I'll even get some. wouldn't that be nice? Then I could be happy for a while. Not like booty is the only thing that makes me happy it's just one of those big things that makes me happy. oops, 10:00--time for bed.
nighty-night

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Latest reply: May 4, 2000


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