h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi SG

I'm subbing Icehouse at A793730. I've done a bit of work on it, so do take a look and let me have any comments.



Bels

All right, time for me to defend the way I used to have it

1. "The" in the title is not really appropriate. There are other boardless abstract strategy game systems, so "a" would be more appropriate than "the".

2. Icehouse is not *just* a game. However, there IS a game called, simply "Icehouse"-- the original game you played, before this was a full game system -- so the "rather than a game" phrase is not strictly accurate. As I lack any better ideas, you can leave it in, but it would probably be best just to crop that out.

3. A stash of pyramids is just that- a set of 15 pyras of one color. While that is one player's set in about half the games, many games do not make that distinction. "One player's set of pieces" is not strictly accurate- while it's that wasy for some games, there are still more which are different:

-Epicycle (one stash, two players)
-RAMbots (four stashes, two to four players)
-Zendo (four to seven stashes, two to eight million players)
-Volcano (six stashes, one to four players)
-Battle Zone (nine stashes, two players)

I'd suggest rewriting the sentence:
"The pieces used to be availible as a box with four sets, or ~stashes,~ of 15 plastic pyramids of three sizes. Now, it is availible only as individual stashes, with the rules existing only online or as a separate book you can purchase."

4. "Icehouse was never meant to have pieces at all" is not quite on the mark. I'd suggest using my original sentence with "pieces" knocked out of it: "Icehouse was never ment to be at all." Or word it differently- but since the whole thing's pieces, you come out with a somewhat confusing sentence...

5. "The concept was developed by Andrew Looney, and according to his web site the main characters in the book he originally wrote were card-players." This sentence is somewhat awkward and run-on. It would read more smoothly the way I had it originally. Failing that:

"The idea came about in a book by Andrew Looney. According to his web site, the main characters were card-players."

6. In the phrase "Well that was the plan, anyway." there has to be a comma after "well." (I know, now I'm nit-picking. But I recently took the ACT (American College Testing), and the whole first section of the test is on things like that...) The sentence should read as "Well, that was the plan, anyway."

7. "Pieces in the older sets are made of folded cardboard or wood..."
The way that's written, it sounds like the pieces are of folded wood! Just re-order:
"Pieces in the older sets are made of wood or folded cardboard."

8. I still think the information on Spicklehead (the game where you get drunk and stick the pyramids in your forehead) should be in a footnote, although I agree it fits better at the end of the sentence. However, it also reads fine the way you have it.

9. I know it's a link, but this still sounds contradictory: "There are hundreds of games that can be played with Icehouse pieces, far too many to describe all of them here. Complete rules to all known Icehouse games can be found here." Just change the second "here" to "at S.L.I.C.K.- the Sortable List of Icehouse's Cool Kindered.", the way I had it originally. It looks significantly better in the side bar, too, to have "www.looneylabs.com" and "S.L.I.C.K..." than it does to have "web site" and "here." But that's just my opinion.

10. The instant loss in the original Icehouse game is called "being put in the Icehouse," not "getting iced." "Getting iced" is the term for an individual defender getting fried. I would suggest just killing that sentence- cut out everything after the "Ouch!" I'd also change that to "Ouch." It just looks better to me that way- but then, I would like it how I had it, wouldn't I?

11. Take out the word "can" in the sentence "Strategies are varied, and can shift..." because face it, they DO shift. It's not that they might, it's that they have to...

12. I made an error in the description of IceTowers. Pieces stack only on pieces of the same size or LARGER, not the same size or smaller. Sorry.

13. Something which isn't clear on how I wrote the Zendo section is that a Koan, in game terms, IS a construction of pieces. You kept that sentence the same, so I can't blame you for it- but can you see if you can fix it? I don't know how, actually...


All right, now that I've shredded hours of your hard work, let's try again

--SmartGamer

Thanks for the excellent, prompt, detailed feedback.

Shredding is no problem at all. I wasn't happy with it as I left it, so I'm very glad to hear from you!

I'll get back to you shortly.

Bels

Okay, next draft is up and ready for shredding.

One word: overlinking. I agree with the Star Trek, Harry Potter, Zen, and Quidditch links. The rest will probably get dropped by the Editors, anyway...

Also, the proper name for the site is the Sortable List of Icehouse's Cool Kindered. It's your choice if you still want to truncate the name, but somehow, I don't think the acronym of ICK, or LICK, for that matter, is particularly apt.

But overall, it's lots better

--SmartGamer