h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Bel,

Back again. Hectic is the word of the day though I finally get a chance to sit today. Heck, I spent three hours trying to post the other day only to be interupted each and every time I touched the keyboard and yesterday was even worse as I was all over the place with a neighbor who happens to be a coworker and the father of my son's friend picking up a new stove. Those scratch and dent places knock of 50% on new appliences for the tinest of cosmetic defects and with another 25% off due to a sale they where practicly giving stuff away. As my stove just went poof it was perfect timing

>> I really don't have the energy to fight anymore<<

It does get to that point after time doesn't it? Sometimes it does seem as if even in victory the price is too high, the emotional turmoil caused worse than remaining silent and simply dealing with the situation as best you can. For many this is just the way it is but for one who has always stood up for right and fought the good fight on the strength of conviction it can be devistating both physically as well as mentally.

I feel your pain. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and wore it till it was full of holes then got another. In my day I've fought battles with powers so high that a lose on my part would land me in Federal prison. I've fought policy in the school system at the cost of losing all accredidation. I've fought inequality in the work place at the cost of my job should I fail. I've battled with family on matters of principle to the point of not having any contact for years at a time. I fought and fought and fought and damn it I'd fight again at a moments notice should I feel that it's right and just. But I certainly don't want to do such.

A body gets worn down with all the strife over time to the point where nothing seems worth the effort anymore. Sure, we fight the good fight and win but at what cost? The cost to one's self is one thing but the effect that these wars have on those around us can be the a price to high. I've never felt fear for myself and that's no small thing as I've battled for my very life times beyond counting and that very same determination is what keeps me going when I have to tuck tail and walk away so as not to bring any hurt to my loved ones.

For nigh eight years now I've lived a lie so as to keep everyone else from harm. I've walked with eyes downcast and a numbness gripping my soul, a paycheck the only goal I have to live for as it's that which keeps everyone warm and feed. I bite my tongue when dealing with the wife so my son doesn't have to live with the pain of divorce as I know that pain only to well. All of this is only bearable because I know that it's not permanent as there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually those for whom we sacrifice are able to stand on their own and we can once again be true to ourselves, saying what needs saying, doing what needs doing and feeling free for the first time in years.

I'm lucky as I'm finally able to shed the cloak and be nature intended, standing up once more to fight for honor and justice. It feels good I can tell you, to finally cast aside the chains and be free to say and do as the heart says is right without regard for the trivilties of life such as have bound my soul for too long. Something tells me that the same is coming for you very soon as well, the bindings placed upon yourself by yourself for the sake of others soon to be cut away, free of living in shadow and only peeking around the corners, a spirit free to once again soar and be as it pleases.

It's the hope for such which keeps us going through the hard times but it's not a false hope. The promise of a new tommorrow lies just ahead, close enought to see, taste and feel. It's well worth anything it takes to get there again and soon you shall. It's just who you are, there's no denying it. Soon, very soon.

>>interesting to see that we have quite a lot in common despite having led/leading so very different lives<<

And that is why I understand. Picture a million creatures on the African Plain, all mingling about but each recognizing his or her own species. I recognize the spirit in you. It's quite easy as it shines so very brightly and it's that which allows me to speak such even though we're virtual strangers. Knowing the nature of that very spirit as I do I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you're on your way to being who you really want to be and that's a happy thing indeed.

I don't usually go on like this but something seems to be driving me today and I just feel the need to speak my mind plainly and clearly. Hopefully I haven't overstepped the boundries of polite conversation though if I have I'll apologize in advance. I hope you day has been a good one and I'll talk to you soon

Spy

Hello Spy,

just a quick note to let you know that your post did not overstep any boundaries. It's too late now for me to collect my thoughts and reply to it, though, I'll have to leave that for later - or rather earlier tomorrow, depends on my degree of tiredness.

Oh, and I've read your story. I wasn't quite sure whether I understood it all, but it seems so much clearer now, after I've read your post.

Have a good evening.

Bel

Hello Spy,
here I am back, as promised.

I do hope you got some rest today at least and didn't have to go shopping or something. I guess that's the disadvantage of shops being open around the clock - somebody will expect you to go and buy this or that. Here, shops are closed on Sundays and public holidays, and as I haven't known anything different for all my life, I really don't need a change there. We just have to do a bit of planning when doing the weekend shopping, but we don't have to rush around on a Sunday or a public holiday.
Lucky you that you were able to buy a new stove at a convenient time, these things usually have a tendency to give up the ghost at the most inconvenient times.

>>In my day I've fought battles with powers so high that a lose on my part would land me in Federal prison. [...]<<

Wow, I've never done anything like that. Maybe it was just because I never needed to, though, but then I'm not sure I would have done something similar. Not for myself, at least, although probably for the family.

>>I bite my tongue when dealing with the wife so my son doesn't have to live with the pain of divorce as I know that pain only to well.<<
I guess it's a catch 22 situation, because I do sometimes wonder how things would have turned out had my mum divorced from my dad, instead of biting her tongue and bearing to be treated badly.
We'll never know, that's for sure, and anyway, we children learned a thing or two from that, so it was not all in vain.

>>It feels good I can tell you, to finally cast aside the chains and be free to say and do as the heart says is right without regard for the trivilties of life such as have bound my soul for too long.<<

Does this mean you're thinking about leaving? Your son is only 16, as you said, don't you think that's a crucial age for boys (not judging in any way, just curious)? I know I wouldn't want to bring up mine alone, they need their dad just as much as they need me, even if they themselves have a different opinion on that.

>>The promise of a new tommorrow lies just ahead, close enought to see, taste and feel.<<

To be honest, that is what I think on bad days, but then again, I wonder whether it's just a case of 'The grass is always greener...', so I haven't come to any conclusion yet. I'm in no hurry, though, it's still years to go anyway, and I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.
>>I recognize the spirit in you. It's quite easy as it shines so very brightly<<

To say I was baffled by your conclusions would be the understatement of the year, but you must be right, when you, a >>virtual stranger<< , can read and analyse my mind so clearly. I guess that's it then for the 'mysterious woman' bit.

Oh, and a funny aside that happened just now: dinner was ready, and son #1 put his plate so full that I wondered whether there was enough left for the rest of us. I looked at him and said: Now that's greedy!
What does greedy mean, mum? he replied. I had a complete blackout, it took me a full five minutes to remember that it means 'habgierig' amongst other things, which isn't excatly the correct translation in this context, as that's more in relation to material things. I went and looked it up in the end.

Hope you had a nice, relaxed day, and I wish you a good evening.

Bel

Hello Bel,

>>I do hope you got some rest today at least and didn't have to go shopping or something<<

Actually I'm out the door even now. First it was out to help my sister with an problem with a video game, a problem easily solved by grabbing the boy and dragging with me. Two minutes and it was a done deal, nothing like having an 'expert' on hand

Next it was home to hit a bid on eBay on some shoes(a super cheap way to save 80% on name brand sneakers)which I actually have to do in about 10 minutes then it's out the door to buy groceries and some things needed around the house. That takes care of the next 6 hours so I'll be back to chat proper either later today or tommorrow. Now I have to

Spy

Hello Spy, just a brief post to wish you all the best for 2008, which is a bit more than an hour old here now.

Happy New Year Bel

I jumped on quickly to wish you the same though that's all I have time to do at the moment. 5 hours to go here till '08 and we're having a bit of a party for my son and some of his friends. One at his age is OK but get half a dozen together and it's chaos and it's that which I have to keep a handle on at the moment. Back at it I go

8 kisses for luck and a to seal the deal

You're lucky then to have them where you can watch them - my sons have gone,
and I don't even know where, they didn't bother to call and tell us (we were at the m-i-l's). Enjoy your party, and we'll talk again in 2008.

es and s right back atcha!

And a happy new year to all our eer, too.

Hello Bel,

Yesterday was computer free due to running a registry repair program five hours long and my system still seems a mess. Of course I didn't get up till 2pm though considering it was 5am when I rolled into bed that's not to bad. Still, I'm tired and ready for nothing but a good nights sleep so I'm going to cut this post short, grab a nice, hot shower and a bite then watch a bite of TV (which means I'll be fast asleep in under ten minutes )

Hope the boys got home safe and you had a fine time yourself. Talk to you tommorow

Yes, the boys got home OK. I had taken the car keys when we left for the m-i-l , so at least I didn't have to worry about them driving somewhere.
Hope your PC isn't too bad.

>>then watch a bite of TV (which means I'll be fast asleep in under ten minutes<<
Funny TV has this effect on so many people, I either watch TV, or I go to sleep, there's not really anything between.

Anyway, sleep well.

My eyes are crossing even as I write so I'll not and instead just say goodnight. Sleep has become a hard thing to find, either the dog pops up and wakes me, it's too hot, too cold, the sheets itch or any of a million other reasons to keep me from a restful nights sleep. I'm not asking much, just my normal five hours of uninterupted slumber and I'll be happy as a clam though at the moment I feel like a clam on the half shell. Now I'm going to take nap though I'll be home from work early tommorow so I'll chat more then

I've just given up trying to sleep, after hours of tosdsing and turning.
I guess it must have been the I had late. I didn't think about it when I drank it, but now recalled the husband made it, which means it wasn't decaff coffee.
So no wonder I can't sleep.
I guess I'll sleep all afternoon tomorrow, when I'm back from work.

Hope you'll have a good night's sleep again soon.

Life has returned to this body, synapses are all a'snappin and I fell almost human once again. Of course the 12 straight hours of sleep did have something to do with this seeming miracle, credit where credits due and all that

Wow, I had no idea just how draining the holidays had been this year but it certainly caught up in a hurry. Now the battle will be trying to get back into the swing of things once more. I've yet to find my 'voice' since my return though to be quite honest it was lost before I ever left, hence the never ending quest for my inner Muse. I've never had trouble expressing myself via the written word before but these last few years, well, it's been something of a struggle

What disturbs me the most might be my inability to post anything meaningful in the AWW in regard to contributions. Sure, I can spot fine writing but saying anything about why it's great or how it could be made even greater totally escapes me. Oh well, I'll just keep searching and with perseverance and a bit of luck I may get it back someday but till then I'll just fake it as best I can and try hard not to

Now I'm off to see if I can pull a rabbit out of the hat and actually do some work around this joint as I've been VERY lax and it's making me feel guilty

Hello Spy,

I'm glad you're feeling better.
I find it hard myself to get back into the 'treadmill', so sleeping at appropriate times is still something I must get back to. It's hard, though, when you are so tired early in the evening. I spent the whole evening sleeping, only to wake uop at shortly before midnight.
Fortunately, it's Sunday, so I don't have to get up at shortly past six am.

I'm sorry you feel that you've 'lost your voice'. The only time when I do, is when I'm really down, then I go more and more quiet, just curl up on the sofa and sleep if possible.
Just don't put yourself under pressure, I'm sure it will come back to you at some point.

Can you imagine that I'm tired again?

Have fun browsing the AWW.

Hello Spy, I've checked for a sign of you every so often, but nothing. And now I've seen that you've wiped your PS, deleted your journals...

Are you OK?

If you want to, you can email me at claudia.belana at a google account - I guess you'll know how to get the addy complete.



Bel