h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To be honest they were all quite stressful, although my daughter's was the least as they had organised everything - they live in Newbury & I don't drive, so there was no "shopping & looking with mum" apart from her wedding dress. The others, well for mine I only had 6 weeks & was exhausted by the time the day arrived, the other two involved my husbands ex wife I'm not a real lover of parties - unless I have drunk enough to get rid of shyness - y'know what I mean. I can talk in small groups of up to 4. I am not one of those "life & soul" of the party types

I'm sorry to hear your romantic life hasn't worked out yet, but a little advice here:

I had completely given up on any idea of a relationship - I had a hysterectomy (age 37) had given up work because of hand/arm problems (age 33), was a divorced mother of a teenager! Just thought NO-ONE is going to be interested - where's the Stannah stairlift

Then along came the other half - out of the blue - accepted me as I was & hey presto!!!

When you say about "what you'd have to give up" - what WOULD you have to give up? Did it really outweigh being with someone?

You left h2g2 & the BBC - why?

What sort of work will you be starting in January?

How is your son? I remember he was a "handful" - a certain condition - is he still suffering from it?

One thing I don't think we did cover was about his father? Is he still around or did he, like my ex-hus did, clear off!

Speak soon

I don't mind large parties, but I like to have small groups to chat to, rather than the whole room! My wedding was all arranged within 3 weeks, and it's *much* less stressful than a long build up I think. My little one's father is still about, and sees a lot of J still. J has ADHD (and yes, still suffers from it, although he's coping better as he gets older), and he's never around for appointments unless I beg him. But at least he didn't clear off the scene. Which he thinks I should be thankful for, although I tell him where to poke it when he tries that one. I tell him he should be grateful I'm still around.

I'm not worried about being single at the moment - it's totally my choice. I've had dates since the week after I split up with my last partner, just not wanted to take any of the charming gentlemen I've dated any further. Happy to concentrate on my son at the moment.

I had to give up the job at the BBC as they are moving from central London to west London and it makes the commute impossible for me as I live in Essex. It was only around 25 minutes extra each way, but then I'd be getting home *after* my son's bedtime and that's not something I'm prepared to do. I'm going to be staying in the same job - internet communities, I'll just be doing it from somewhere else.

Ooh! Let me know where you are

Talk more tomorrow - I need to

Oh cripes! What happened to "tomorrow"

Howya doing?

We've just started completely redoing the kitchen - well, I reckon I deserve it - I'm nearly 49 & this will the first new one I have ever had We've got to get the builders in though, to remove a chimney breast at the end of the kitchen so the units (MFI sale ) will fit in!

How is your son? Go on, scare me, how old is he now?

Completely understand your feeling of happy to be alone & concentrate on your son - I remember I felt much the same way at the time. My other half came along at just the right time for me - Liz was beginning to test life outside the home, so I was being left on my own alot more

Anyway, when you have a minute or two, I'd be glad to hear back.

Time gets away from us much quicker as we get older! Especially on h2g2.

You must have got quite a few bits for your kitchen - there were some really good sales out there! What sort of house have you got? Sadly I wasn't able to take advantage of any, despite also needing a new kitchen and a new bathroom. As I've just changed jobs, my payday has changed so I've had to stretch my wages an extra couple of weeks at a time when my fixed rate mortgage comes to an end, and the next fixed rate is higher. And I've had two £200 insurance policies to renew *and* my car needed an exhaust and a service. So I haven't got any money to spend!

I've made a new year resolution this year to keep a better eye on my 'pocket money', so that my disposable income stops being disposed off (on ebay mostly, check the name!) and starts being saved ready for all the bills that will come at the same time next christmas. My travel insurance is also 'due', but I won't renew that until I start going places again. Hopefully I'll also be able to save towards the doing up of my house too!

It's helping that my new job pays every 4 weeks, so with the payrise for changing jobs I'm in effect going to get the same wages as my last job every payday, and then an extra one at the end of the year. I didn't like the idea at first, but I'm getting used to it now.

Sorry, I'm sure my finances aren't very interesting for other people to read.

My son is ten now, which means I must be 35 this year. I keep thinking that I've got 4 years left to be mum, and then he's going to start being 'stroppy teenager' and will never leave his room, or will start going out to pubs. And then I can start going back out again. At the moment I get one long weekend a month when he stays with his dad, and that seems to be working just fine. If I meet someone, well, they'll have to get used to the idea that I can't go out very much, although with J being older now, it's easier to find someone to have him if I want to go out for a couple of hours.

Hey, no probs talking about finances (or rather the lack of them) been there, seen it, got the T-shirt!!! Not that we're rolling in it now!!

I live in a normal 1898 terraced house - through lounge, then through to the kitchen. We haven't knocked through to the outhouse, because it would need the floor digging up & a membrane put down & ..... we haven't got the cash for ALL that! There is electricity out there, so WHEN we clear if from all the junk that has built up over the years (R brought stuff with him that I can't, as yet, persuade him to get rid of! eg: 2 old wooden slatted bedheads! - we'll never use them!) my aim is to turn into a kindof workshop for R - my father left a lathe, etc., & it would be good to get him actually DOING something as time goes on

I've lived here since 1988 & it wasn't until R moved in that I've had the chance to get the place properly decorated. My hands let me down a year after I moved in & I haven't worked since. So you can imagine: mortgage, 10 year old daughter & no proper income - see what I mean! Patience & actually concentrating on living is more important than decor - as long as it as clean & tidy as you can make it. We always had 2nd hand furniture - in fact my 3 piece suite is old. That's going too, so now that Liz is off my hands, I have begun to save for a new one

I never used to go out much a) couldn't afford it & b) didn't know anyone up here!! However, I'm still sec. to the art society & that keeps me busy & in contact with people - they pay for cost of materials, but not time! I can type things fairly slowly as there is no particular deadlines, ie: I know WELL in advance what is needed.

R was "given" early retirement/redundancy & that's when we decided for him to move in here. He lived in an outlying village & I can't drive (hands), so it made sense to stay here.

I don't think I could have coped with a "relationship" when we first moved here - I had just split up from someone & just wanted time for Liz & myself to settle together & get life/minds sorted. So, like you, I had tried, but failed to establish a relationship - wrong age for both of us I reckon and I never wanted a series of "uncles" for Liz.

You NEVER stop being a mum! Already this morning, I've spent 2 hours talking to my daughter on Messenger, while her husband is playing football!! All that happens is that you leave them to make decisions about their lives, but be there IF they ask advice or IF everything goes wrong &, I suppose, await grandchildren - ha!

I was 22 when I had Liz & now she's nearly 27 - get the calculator out & see how ancient I am! Brain is still like a kid, just the old body letting me down

You've loads more years ahead - just concentrate on being happy, raising your lad to be fairly well-balanced (as much as any of them are now!) and look out for your self.

Listen to the old lady ... mind you, I've always been like this - even at school the girls would come to me for commiserations about their parents or boyfriends

Ah well, best go now - have a virtual & - you KNOW it's good for you!

Thanks for all the supportive words! I suppose you're right about always being a mum - my mum is still my mum, despite the fact she's a granny four times over (1 for each of her children) and she's always there for me.

I've always thought that what I did was more important than what my house looked like, which is why I've only decorated three rooms in over 6 years. No need to rush I think - I'd rather spend money on having a good time. It's only because I seem to spend more time at home these days that I'd like to get it all sorted out.

What's wrong with your hands, if you don't mind me asking?

I've just checked your page again, and spotted what was wrong - is there anything that can be done, or is this is for you?

Actually, that sounds a terrible thing to say! I think I'll jsut go and hide under this rock...

Out of interest: did you get through to my new page & then click to look at the old one? Just making sure it works for others

Why hide under a rock? No probs

Unfortunately, I had all this trouble in the early days when they really didn't understand the cause & trouble. Apparently, Australia were well up on it, but I suppose our docs. didn't want to bother to find out!

Basically, it began with trigger fingers (fingers bend down permanently), then carpal tunnel (which is quite common), then tensosynovitis (inflammation of tendon sheaths) was diagnosed, but later on I was getting more trouble and tendinitis (inflammation of the tendons) was diagnosed. I've had quite a few ops on fingers, then we realised that if caught in the early stage a cortizone jab seemed to stop it. There's been trouble in my shoulders & neck also. I've had all the ideas they could come up with - to no avail.

My daughter had a touch last year, but they dealt with it correctly from the VERY beginning. Alot to do with posture at the keyboard (in this sort of case) & rest. RSI stands for Repetitive Strain Injury, i.e. doing the same thing too much - in my case keyboard: I was working for the MD of a publishing company in central London, previously for 3 teams of s/w scientists (GEC) - so I've always been busy at the keyboard Chicken pluckers can get it too

I have been told I am a "chronic" case (in more ways than one I reckon ). Theoretically I shouldn't be at the keyboard now, but I ensure I sit straight, shoulders aligned with my body & at the first sign of any pain - STOP! I tend to take painkillers at night after a couple of - helps to knock me out . I'm OK if I've got whatever I am up to balanced: not too much, not too little.

However, I have just seen a hand/shoulder specialist & rheumatologist (after 16 years of this mind you - I was under a general ortho. surgeon before) - I have an apptmt to see them together at the beginning of Feb. The Rheu. guy said that I have a slow progression of arthritis (1st bout when I was about 25) & that would also have been a contributory factor - now they tell me!

At least I have a proper diagnosis, there are alot of people who have the pain, but are unable to find out exactly what is going on - those are the people I feel very sorry for as they have been labelled malingerers.

Anyway that's the low-down!

Bet you wish you had never enquired
IF you've managed to read all this - pse have a good <stiffdrink)- you deserve it

I think I must have clicked your name further back in the thread, because I went straight to your old page. But I did try your new one, and then click through to your old page and it does work.

It sounds like you've really been through it! I am at the keyboard most of the day at work, but they are really big on health and safety these days, so you often get forms to fill in about how you should sit. Actually I'm half sitting on one crossed leg and slouching sideways, but I do sit much better at work. It's just getting to the end of a long day, so I'm being lazy. I'll probably straighten up in a minute as I've got to do some bits and pieces for work in a minute. Then I get to turn the pc off and have a nice evening in front of the tv!

As your daughter had a bit as well, do you think it's something that runs in the family?

Interesting you should say that!

Arthritis definitely runs in the family. Taking note of what the rheu. chap said then I think there may be cause to think we will suffer from it, but depending on the circumstances.

I remember years back that the Financial Times staff were badly hit with sufferers, but NOT ALL of them. So it makes one wonder why.

There was a theory that those with small wrists were more likely to get it - I'm not sure if they did a study or what the results were though!

My daughter, at the time, was driving to & from Newbury to Southampton every day - using a pipette + computer at work - then trying to type up her thesis in the evening - that's when it hit worse.

One of the secrets, apparently, is if you work at a keyboard ALL day, then do as much as you can to rest your hands & arms in the evening.

Well, that's all well & good, but if you are in our situation - getting children ready for the next day, catching up on washing, etc., etc., we don't really get a chance

It is good that they are so HOT on Health & Safety about it now - don't moan when they come round & check on things

I think one of the worse things (please don't think I'm moaning, as I have learned to accept it now, but it is frustrating & I'd hate anyone else to go through it) my arms, etc., do not take kindly to vibration - I'll qualify that: vacuuming, & also over the years I haven't got the strength I once had - bottle opening (very important!), carrying shopping - just can't do it!

Anyway - hope this has warned you - don't let it frighten you though , as I said workplaces are taking care of this now, but if you should get the slightest bit of pain in your arms, wrists or hands then rest, or if you are working: stretch them GENTLY & take a break.

Are you by any chance having problems with other sites? I notice you've changed your name again

Off to do a few more bits & pieces & then sit down with the dog & watch 2nd part of Sea of Souls - other half is back to tomorrow: there endeth the peace

"There was a theory that those with small wrists were more likely to get it"

Oh dear, that has scared me a bit - my wrists are very skinny. I do take care though, the slightest twinge and I'm complaining! I used to get shooting pains on the back of my mouse hand when I did a lot of copy and pasting, so they got me a mousemat with a wrist rest. I should have taken it with me when I moved, but I gave it to a colleague. I don't think I'm going to do the same at the new job, but I'll watch out.

I don't rest my arms in the evenings either - I do a lot of cross stitch - although at least it's totally different movements from the day time. If things start to ache I think I'll stop immediately though, just in case.

My name - as I'm trying to stop spending so much of my disposable income, I'm trying to avoid ebay (because I buy things just because I like them, not because I need them), but it keeps luring me back with a twinkle in its webpage, so the name was a warning to me to leave it along. Putting its name in my name just made it worse as I kept seeing it and thinking 'oh yes, ebay. I'll just have a quick browse', so I changed it again so I'm not tempted!

Small wrists - I've done a quick look into it & there were no conclusive results, so rest easy on that score

Any sign of pain, then as I said, do a very gentle stretch of fingers & arms, then rest for a bit.

Wipe EBay from your hard disc - add it to your blacklist - DON'T GO THERE You do know there's an outbreak of PLAGUE at that place with no name - highly infectious - don't even type it, write it, speak it

oh no, don't say that. I was going to look for some flannels. I really need them. It's the half dozen more dresses and wardrobes full of weird clothing I don't need. Oh yes, and all those cross stitch bits and pieces, and, and, and.

Oh bugger.

Hopeless, you're absolutely hopeless

Why are the stitch bits & pieces so "cross" - can't you get any happy ones?

weird clothing?

Anyhow we ALL need more dresses - don't you get cheesed off wearing the same thing over & again. I have stuff going back 20 years!! Some don't fit & some are going to charity (I loathe them now - whatever made me buy them!)

Why is it that our favourites get chewed up by the washing machine or get a hold burned in them or just get worn out too quickly

I used to say that one day I would buy only really good classic clothes - still can't afford it, so happened to buy 2 jumpers for £10 on the High Street the other day - they'll do this winter & maybe ... just maybe ... next winter

Just don't get yourself in debt, my girl - hear me?
I don't nag all the time - really. H'ever it's great to sound like my mum sometimes

Keep happy

PS: Forgot to say that I read back over our "old" chats & I seem to have changed a bit!! Since hipster jeans came back in (I was around the first time, although "mother" wouldn't let me wear them ), I seem to wear trousers most of the time - remember that tummy bulge we both suffer from, well hipsters are the answer!! I must remember to order a stock from Next to last the time when they go out of "fashion" again .

I got to the stage where I hated anything tight round my waist - indigestion probs (probably because of the op I had), so these are a godsend.

I still have two gypsy type tops I "made" when I was about 23 - I just can't throw them away - I haven't work them recently though - maybe this summer I'll be a 49yr old

Have a good evening. How's the new work situation going?

If you've got clothes going back 20 years, I'd better come and have a rummage. I often dress in old gear - as long as it hasn't just come back into fashion of course. I've got so much stuff I can't possibly wear it all. In fact I've got a few bits and pieces that I've never worn, so I'm clearly on the way to shopoholicism. No need to worry about debt though, my credit card is in a block of ice in the freezer, so can't come out with me. Trouble with ebay is that they've got it on file.

Right, small boy is having a tantrum in my ear as I'm making him do his homework so I'd better go and attend to him. His playstation habit is really becoming a habit now.

Teachers! Fathers!!

Tell me about it

First rule: calm down.
Second rule: decide what's best for your son
Third rule: decide if that's the same for you
Fourth rule: GIVE THEM HELL
Fifth rule: keep calm whilst doing so
Sixth rule: chill out with a & hot bubbly bath.

I've just found our "talking thread" - couldn't remember the title, but read about what's happening & decided to talk to you here.

I log on every day, sometimes 3 or 4 times.



PS this is all you need on top of computer probs.

I just wish more people would do exactly what I want. Then life would be so much simpler.