Minus-One

I sit viewing this world through an electronic window with feet snug within a luxury, heated, 'Executive Big Slipper', a glass of malt whisky within grasp. (It could be 'whiskey' but I'm not Irish; well, maybe, in 'The Beginning')

You may ask, "Who is this? and "What is it thinking?" To this I reply, "Who cares?" for like you, I am an entity that lives and dies, whose impact upon ........ 'Life, The Universe and Everything' may be very small but no doubt is vital to the destiny of 'Everything'!

I say to you all :

"WELCOME TO THE VIRTUAL REALITY OF MINUS-ONE!"

Let's start from ZERO AGbbA this time!

We've done BC and had 2000 years of AD but now, how about AG? (or PD - Post Domini) After God (AG) but before Aliens (bbA) or better known as AGbbA. On the other hand it may all be a little toooooo late. What do you think???

The Humble Gusset!

Never has Man¹ so under-estimated the power and comfort, afforded by the tailor's humble gusset. When all is safely gathered in and held securely yet without restraint or restriction, life's little brickbats and anomalies are all the easier to weather and ride.

Who was it who so coarsely named this masterpiece of the tailor's art; 'Gusset'? Would they have deemed it such, if they had known the joy and security that such a triangle of material could afford? To those who truly know, the word implies the soft caressing fondling of honeyed lips upon the satin sheets of the netherworld, grasped but not gripped, supported but not straight-jacketed, flexible but not fixed, contained yet not constrained.

Y-Fronts pose the very question which they fail to answer; for the front is not the problem but the underside. Boxers are but a bad two dimensional joke whose comfort rating is below zero and can only be a development from the cardboard figures dressed with tabbed clothes cut-outs of yester-year.

Forsooth would not history itself have taken a different course had man lived longer within the comfort afforded by the noble gusset? Was Hitler driven by the irritations of chillproof boxers? Was Nixon a frustrated child of the Y-front era? Did Mao manifest his ideology whilst hitching and hoiking at the undergarments of his time? Who knows where Mankind might be now if the discovery of 'le gusset' ² had occurred earlier?

Harmony and peace, joyfulness and tolerance, contentment and satisfaction; all characteristics of men whose dingily dangly bits are well catered for within the comfort of ... 'Le Gusset'... May Calvin live long..Praise le Klein. ..........Vive le Gusset!
'Till the tea cake of time meets the butter-knife of destiny and the coffee bean of curiosity meets the electric grinder of fate.... adieu!

Minus-One

Suet Pudding

For some Earthlings, searching for the perfect pudding is an unobtainable but enjoyable lifelong quest. Mead may be the nectar of the Gods and Manna the food but Suet is the common people's padding and in puddings it's true versatility as a food is being re-kindled.

Suet is the particular fat which surrounds the kidneys ³ and loins of sheep and cattle. It is white and fibrous but when chopped or grated and mixed with flour it can be used to help make stuffings, mincemeats, suet crust pastry or steamed suet puddings such as 'Spotted Dick', steamed suet with raisins or sultanas mixed in!

For the true suet aficionado there is only one way to cook suet and that is as laid down in the annals of the 'The Suet Pudding Club UK', which meets at least once in the Northern Hemisphere of this planet between the yearly winter and spring solstitial points ⁴.

'Death by Suet' is the final course ⁵ of this suet filled menu ⁶ and consists of suet wrapped in a cloth and boiled for 2 to 3 hours. The pudding when turned onto a serving dish should sit heavily as a solid, amorphous, glistening lump with the folds of the containing cloth impressed into its sides. Each member of the club receives a 2 inch thick slice which is covered with a quarter pint of golden syrup and topped with a similar quantity of double cream and or custard⁷ garnished with an 'After 8' chocolate. Traditionally 'Death by Suet' is washed down with a bottle of Tizer or a pint of hot tea.

In the unusual event of there being left-overs, the remains are allowed to cool ⁸ until the following morning when 1 inch sections are carved and fried in butter then served as previously, with syrup and cream accompanied naturally, by a large glass of whisky and several large mugs of coffee.

The Recipe for this shiny, glutinous feast is as follows:

Death by Suet:

(For 4) 4 oz. suet, chopped or shredded 6 oz. self-raising flour (plain will do with a spoonful of bi-carbonate of soda and a squeeze of lemon 2 oz. breadcrumbs 1 tsp. salt 2 oz. sugar Milk (or water) to mix,; about a third of a pint

Method

Mix the suet, flour, sugar and salt in a bowl. Make a well in the centre and and gradually add the milk until there is a soft dropping consistency (not too sticky!). Turn into the cloth ⁹ previously making sure that the glistening agent ¹⁰ is sprinkled over the globular mass. Tie the cloth both ends as in a sausage shape or gathered at the top and place into a large pan of boiling water and simmer for two to three hours or longer, adding water as and when required to avoid boiling dry.

The Suet Pudding Club UK Annual Menu

Starter:

Fried whitebait suet rolls garnished with parsley. Complemented with a Gold Label Barley Wine

Main course:

Steak and kidney pie made with a suet crust pastry and served with traditional English chips and two rounds of white bread and butter, garnished with herb Rocket. Washed down with 1 pt of Bateman's XXX beer.

Pudding:

Death by suet as described above and garnished with 'After 8' chocolates, together with the optional Tizer or more traditional tea with milk and two sugars. The milk should always be added first, the sugar last.

Disclaimer

'The Suet Pudding Club UK' accept no liability for any untoward after-effects such as massive indigestion, coronaries, brain tumours, narrowing of the arteries or death!

Minus-One (Master and PR representative of 'The Suet Pudding Club UK')

A beat from the wing of a butterfly!

Questions of concern:
1. Is everything lopsided in the world because a butterfly beat one wing before the other?
2. What is the definition of 'nothing'? See 'Mountains' at Serendipity
3. How fast is the speed of thought in relation to the speed of light: faster or slower; discuss?

A Goddess for Minus-One!

A hardy perennial, G. sheilardii

Demigod's for Minus-One

Carenza Lewis / Muhammad Ali / Christina Georgina Rossetti / Carl Sagan / Richard Feynman / Bertrand Russell / Itzhak Bentov / The Pre-Raphaelites / Tommy Cooper / Eddy Izzard / Miles Davis / William Rushton / VeePee / Juliet Stevenson / Sylvia Plath / Richard Dawkins / Joanna /

Tell me if the Links are down? [email protected]

Just a space with something which came from nothing!

Click here to find out who's online

Thanks to Joanna¹¹

¹¹And for the chameleon effect!

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Recommended places to go, things to read, stuff to get!

For those that read books a site of interest.

A site for those of bookish nature

Joanna

Serendipity

Philosophy for everyone

Get 'Guide Dog' to ease those GuideML blues at: Downloads

Poetry corner

A request !

Visit h2g2's newspaper, 'The Post' recommended by Vegiman

¹In the 'male' sense!²It's French! gousse = pod. Gusset comes it would seem from a term relating to armour. A steel gusset! No, not even the French would do that. (Thanks to Blood Brother VeePee for this!) ³A pair of glandular organs which secrete nitrogenous wastes, principally Urea, from the blood.⁴membership restricted and by invitation only (at present closed but if you wish to be put on the waiting list email to [email protected] with the words "I am no vegetarian, fruitarian, veganarian or any undercover 'arian. If elected, should a vacancy occur, I will do my best to foster and promote the message of 'True Suet' as laid down by 'The Suet Pudding Club UK'" ⁵each year one or two club vacancies are available post repast.⁶see below⁷optional⁸it is best to remove the remains onto a clean greased plate whilst still warm, to avoid coagulation problems⁹large table napkins or tea towels are ideal¹⁰UK club secret.¹¹And for the chameleon effect!