h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In a few years when coal is no longer produced and houses no longer have chimneys, how will Father Christmas get around to deliver all his presents?

Concerned Chimneyless Resident of Whitburn

Santa will carry a bag of bricks and put one of your windows through. In a jolly, ho-ho sort of way.

Well I've never had a chimney, and I've done alright. Santa, as you should know, has a magic key.

No, I never knew that. A magic key. Well I never. Hah! Fancy that! It never crossed my mind. The very thought of it... a magic key. Wow! The things they have these days.

I also hear he has a sonic screwdriver and time travelling Police bax as well. How else do you reckon he makes all those deliveries on one night?

I always thought it a tad dangerous. If it fell into the wrong hands, well, anything could happen.

Yes, I suppose you could take your eye out with it.



Magic key... fantastic!

I mean you don't want kids to get their hands on that no do we.

My eye?

Did you say that in a "My eye!" sort of way (like Jim Royle's My A***) or was it a question?

No, it was in response to "you don't want kids to get their hands on that now do we?" I don't want kids getting their hands on my eye.

Oh.

or your blu-taced thumb either, eh EV?

Oh, that's alright, I'll get another.

My 4 year old son has, this year, begun to consider Santa's predicament when it comes to our chimneyless house. Wanting to promote some independant thought and problem solving, I asked him what we should do...

"We could leave a key outside for him." he said.

"And what," says I, "If somebody else sees the key and comes into our house?"

"Well, they can watch tele."

"And what if they're a baddy person and they take our TV?"

He ponders this for a moment, obviously there is no worse fate for him than the loss of the TV.

"We can hide the key outside."

"And how will Santa know where to find it?"

Again a pause for thought...

"We can leave your shoe out there and hide the key in your shoe."

"And what if Santa doesn't know to look in my shoe?"

"You can draw a note to tell him..."

"And leave that on my shoe..."

"Yes..."

"But, what if somebody else sees the note, finds the key, gets inside our house and takes the TV?"

"Um... Daddy."

"Yes?"

"I think you should phone him and tell him where the key is."

Because, if you didn't know, all parents have a direct hotline to Santa in order to discuss all eventualities....

My father was that direct line for some friends kids a few years back. their mum would call him if they were being naughty, excellent deterrent. There were occassions I had to retains fits of giggles while sitting wit hthe naughty child who wa in fact talking to me dad on the other end of the phone.


The above is of course purely ficticious and is not intended to be hewld as true by any child who may be reading this thread. DD is a writter of fiction in real life and wishes to be acknowledged as the itellegent property own of the above example of FICTION!!!!

Phew!!!

For a moment there I thought I'd been talking to your Dad all this time...

Mind you he does get very busy this time of year.

He could send the gifts wrapped through Amazon, just like everyone else does...

Or the BBC shop I believe he's using that for our address this year. Or so a stray told me.