h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Doctors Orders

I’ve been down to’t doctors,
No not for missen, I’m as fit as a lop they say.
But t’owd lass next door, an’t been feeling to good
an her tablets ad run aht today, well she put me wise
what to ask for, she gave me a reigh good description.
So when I get theer, I teld lass on desk I’ve only come
for a ladies prescription, she looked dahn er nooase.
Reight aughty she were, you just tek yer turn an sit ower
there.
Ther wor a dozen or moor folk afore me,
all sittin an talking among discussion wot ailed ‘em an
suchlike, it elped to pass t’time along.
Nah er on me left ad a bad leg,
it di’nt arf mek er walk lame, an when I stopped to think
abaht it, one of my legs is just t’same.
Well er on me right sed she’s coughin all night
an her chest bothers er quite a lot.
I ses it’s same wi me, is it?sez she,
I wonder wot it is we’ve both got.
One daft owd goat, complained on is throat,
sez it cost im is place in’t church choir,
I thowt bloomin eck! An I felt at me neck,
when I swallowed me throat felt like fire.
One mentioned some spots on er arms an er legs,
an a few other places as well, well I started to itch mi legs,
started to twich, in fact I di’nt feel very well.
Every symptom they talked of, I ave it,
I must suffer from every known ill, from measles an
mumps to swamp fever. I should think about mekkin a
will, when at last I got in to see t’doctor I told im all
t’ailments I’ve got, an it’s worse then I thow’t, it’s reight
serious. HYPOCHODRIA I’m sufferin that’s wot
As for me neighbour’s prescription, wi me feelin that bad, I forgot it.

Love the motto Prof. You know where that (and the pome) is going don't you, when I have printed it out That's so funny.

if you want to be topical you could change 'swamp fever' to swine fever



Websailor

Prof I love your poem, it's very good and very funny. It reminds me of a woman I knew in Scotland called Moira and everyone called her Hyperchrondia Moira. She came from Maybole in Ayrshire, and she had every illness going under the sun and even made up ones. She would always get a mild version of any serious illness which would only last the weekend. Doctor's are amazed that she is still going. She would also exageratte the size of her family, and every time you talked to her, she would say that she has got another addition.

Hi there Prof, Great stuff! Hast thou read "Three Men In a Boat" - Three medical students, recognizing every symptom in their medical Dictionaries. My Dad introduced it to me as child, and I've brought a copy for my son. I suspect you know it. - Great medicine for whatever ails thee!

I have never heard of it Violet, but I'll have a look see on the web

http://personal.auna.com/1277509/trad/jerome_boat.html

ta!

Y'iz welcome, Prof

Ta Lil, Prof it's written in the Edwardian era.to both of yuose. (That's Australian for you!)

*giggles*


'yous' is scouse (Liverpudlian) for you over here, too

Didn't know that! Am enlightened!

I'm being very instructive today, rather than obstructive!