h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Extreme Head banging-Prof style

This never affected me honest!

Round-a-bout 1978/79, can’t remember exact year, but it was on the 5th March (this will come to light, why I can remember the date).
I was involved in a car smash; a friend was driving, me in front passenger seat and a third mate in the back. My memory stops about half a mile away, from where it happened. An eye witness told the police, that a car came screeching round the corner, with engine over revving, hit the left hand curb, and spun out of control, hit and bounced off his garden wall (he was gardening at the time), then as the car bounced away from the wall, a body shot out of the front passenger door (me!) and (his exact words) did a Tom and Jerry into the telegraph pole (headfirst) and just slid down to the floor.

Moving on. My eyes opened! To see my mam, dad and sister sat round my bed? “Have you ever said something and the split second, realised and gone oh! Shit! Should not have said that”. Well! I looked at them and (always humour-never serious) said “sorry dad! Couldn’t think of anything else for your birthday” (5th March-see!), in a millionth of a second, my brain said. It’s not your bed; it’s a hospital one, I really wanted to die at that moment.

The smash happened on a Sunday morning, at the scene, I was covered by a coat, with the police saying, this one’s gone (that much blood, they could not tell which sex I was( answers on a postage stamp please))then there was a movement and rushed to Pontefract hospital. Then seeing the extent of the injury, I got a police escort for the ambulance, crashing red lights, to a hospital in a nearby city. I was then on a life support machine Sunday, all day Monday-Tuesday I was coming out of the anaesthetic, Wednesday, I was sat up cracking jokes (what else is there in life).Thursday, I started walking and then went home the following Wednesday, without even one headache (from impact onwards).

Policemen who saw me after I got home, informed me, that, the two front seats, were ripped off the mountings and if I’d have been seat belted in, I’d have been sliced in two by the belt. The steering wheel was sticking out of the front passenger door, the nearside front wheel, was horizontal and level where the bonnet should have been. Because that (the bonnet)was sent across the road like a discus, that would have sliced two women who were pushing prams in two, had they not run for their lives.
Estimates that were put to me, are that I nutted the telegraph pole next to the garden wall at about 60 to 70 MPH(miles per hour) after being thrown out of the car. A month after the crash, I had to see the consultant and he told me how close I was to kicking the can, when he saw the x-rays and me laid on the operating table – he said he had operated as practice, to keep his hand in. Coming out alive, was one thing, but sat up telling jokes. Walking, gone home, he actually went into the ward to check, because he thought that the nurses were taking the p*ss out of him.
I’d a fractured skull – 30 stitches and plastic surgery on the right side of my face. Slight blurred vision in my right eye (permanent) and a graze on both shoulders, no other injury.


The driver got fined £108 for driving without due care and attention, not being a qualified driver (had been driving for approx 20 year and never took a test, nobody knew,) no insurance, he also received a bill for repairs to the telegraph pole (only thing to hit it, my head) £141.1p. Therefore I did not get a penny out of it, for injuries etc – that’s life.

The only drawback is, I now have a short term memory, its like I can record things, but can’t find recall button, I used to be able to do a three and half hour session, of non stop jokes, with no problem, now, if I have a joke, its gone within a couple of days, this is the only thing that hurts, knowing they are locked away and can’t get at them.

There are lots more things to add about the smash and while I was in the hospital, causing chaos as per, but it would make this to long, its easier speaking about it than it is writing about it.

Prof...not a lot one can say about this other than a) you are d*mm lucky to be alive and b) you have shown remarkable powers of recovery that, frankly, must have baffled even the top speciallists at the time.

A toast to many more years sir...

thank you my friend, Yorkshire head, best place to hit, it saved me

Prof that is amazing,you are so lucky to have survived a accident like that

Wow you where lucky. Im so glad that you survived.

Prof...

Crikey prof

Animal,

I wouldn't expect anything less of a Ponte man! Seriously, your courage and humour is humbling. I would like to know the rest of the story when you can make the effort to tell us.

So glad you made it, or look what we would have missed.

Here's lookin' at you , kid

Thanks for being a friend,

Websailor

the pleasure is all mine Webbie

Animal, babes.. Mwah...
Well I'm not in the least bit suprised luv, you're a very remarkable person... And much loved here on the h2g2 shores...
As for the short term memory loss, well I got that and never hit me head, hit the bottle a few times but ne're me head..

The brain is a wonderfull organ, still time for new neuron pathways to form, suppose one advanage of short term memory is if something really makes you laugh, the pleasure of it can never diminish, like watching faulty towers or your favorate comedy with new eyes each time. Glad to see you around still.

ok, I've now done the extra's, these are over a 10 day period...

Mate who was driving, got a bad cut on his head, the other in the back seat was found a few hundred yards away, walking in shock. Idiots always seem to cop the worst, we're fated that way.

Hospital.
After I started walking, I went to the toilet, for a mirror, I'd had every! facial hair shaved off, eyebrows/tash the lot. I stood at the mirror (eyes redder than beetroots)and said "Ah! tell me grasshopper" turned and walked out, a bloke stood at the urinal, needed a change of pyjamas, he'd missed the target in gobsmacked amazement. Cleaned up, he came over to my bed and said that smash has sent you, anybody in your state, would be saying What! am I going to look like, not! ah! tell me grasshopper.My reply- its humour,funny and I'm here to say it, he walked away babbling to himself.

A nurse asked me if I wanted any painkillers, I asked what for?, her reply well your in pain! nope luv, I haven't even got headache, she walked away confused.

2 Asian doctors came to examine me and I told them, that they could have waited till Monday to operate, we have to operate Sunday, to save your life,one said, the other- why is this wait while Monday??. He got the reply, well you made me miss the Muppet Show Sunday at 5.00pm. They! walked away mubbling Muppets Muppets what the bloody hells the Muppets.

Then there was a Chinese doctor, Mr Wee(not sure on spelling)no further on that, other than when talking to 2 patients, I said he's behind me in't he, they just grinned-he was!

I also did the impossible, my mam was at one side of the bed, while a nurse was at the other, monitoring the life support machine I was on(Sunday afternoon and all day Monday)my hand came up to my nose, the nurse said(real name)put your hand down-I did. A while later, my hand came up again, the nurse again- (r/n)put your hand down, then I said what's up with you,I'm only picking my bloody nose, at this, she fell off her chair. My mam enquired if she was all right, the nurse said-he can't do that!, mam-do what?, nurse talk!, mam - but!! nurse he is on a life support machine, clinicaly he's dead, switch it off and he's dead, he's not supposed to be able to move, let alone talk, its impossible, he's dead!, but he's done it!..yet another totaly confused. I'd, apart from others, a tube up my nose and my brain said obstuction, shift it, so what if I'm technicaly dead.

Sister on the ward, I've been on this ward for 20 year, I've seen them come in here with half the injuries that you've had and they've been here for at least 3 month, you! with no odds,on living, walking home in 10 days, I've no answers.

My dad and granddad were standing by the phone at home, waiting for the call, he's gone, a friend came asking for news, dad said still critical, mate replied he'll be back, dad said how do you know?, mate- do you think that they will put up with him, in heaven or hell, for eternity, he'll be back, my dad had to agree.

To this day, even I don't have any answers, to why I'm here, but I can joke about it, because that's me! just to say that in the last near 30
year, friends I've made are the plus, I don't think I've made any enemies, not intentionaly that is.
Could well be, friends was the motivator

You told it here in exactly the same way as when we met!!.. I can hear your voice!

Bl***y amazing if you ask me, you're a walking miracle!

no ST, nothing special, just me!! even telegraph poles can't change perfection in idiosy

Awww, Prof Animal,

Morning Prof

Whatever it was I'm grateful you're around to brighten up my days; and comfort my sadnesses.

Scorpio

Thanks for the update, Animal. I have relayed all to PHM. He never says much but was speechless for a while. Then he did say you are one lucky though!! Of course you have confirmed for him forever, that there's nowt like a Ponte Yorkshireman on the face of this earth, and from current experience he is probably right! I shall never hear the last of it


Websailor

Hiya Prof. I'm honored to be able to read about your wreck and share in your experiences. Car wrecks are so scary- I was in a pretty bad one myself several years ago, so I can understand a lot of the feelings and fears you must have had at the time- and you are very brave for maintaining your humor through the recovery process.

I'm glad you're here to talk about it. And I'm even more glad to have had the privilege of knowing you as a friend.

To be honest PC, I have no memory what so ever of the smash, only what I have been told, therefore, nothing was scareyerr! because in my mind, nothing has happened()

but the humour lives on, so the smash is used for more fun and laughs.

Also dear lady "the privilege of knowing you as a friend". The Privilege is all mine! in knowing you and that counts for all my friends on hootoo.