Journal Entries
Continuing research
Posted Dec 16, 1999
This time I´d like to tell you a bit about my self.
I´m a swedish poet, trying really hard to be published.
It hasn´t worked that well yet 
, but what can one say at least I´m trying... heh!
Let´s give you a sample og one of my poems, until I reach the safety of explaining what kind of guy I am.
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Lekplatsen
Resväskans stängs
ser ut mot gungorna
ler vilset åt den öde lekplatsen
barnen har vuxit upp
trädet som planterades för år sedan
har vuxit upp
plantorna
har vuxit upp
vissnat
och dött
långsamt sträcker sig
i trädkronan
en nästan murken gren
efter molnen
som släpper regn
på en ödelagd ruin
(c) Mats Öhman
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And now in english
The playground
The suitcase closes
looks out to the swings
gives a lost smile to the vast playground
the children have grown up
the tree that was planted years ago
have grown up
the plants
have grown upp
withered
and died
slowly in the treetop
reaches
an almost dead branch
after the clouds
who lets rain fall
upon a deserted ruin
(c) Mats Öhman
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Maybe it´s not the best translation in the world. But hey, I´m swedish.
I´m a kind of nice guy a pressume. with a very sick sense of humour. Monty Python, Douglas Adams, and of course Terry Pratchett, that´s my weakspots when it comes to laughing. My research here. Well It´s just a dream to be like Ford Prefect, but this is as close as it gets and I´m trying to do the most about it. I´ll hope you all enjoy your visit here, as it is, in a way, ironic (sarcastic) about the veryday normal life of swedish people...
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Latest reply: Dec 16, 1999
How to lead a good conversation in Sweden
Posted Dec 15, 1999
If all goes well you have survived your first encounter with the swedish pubs. So lets get going in to something more basic then pub crawling. Conversations.
The most common rule of talking in Sweden, is by moving your mouth. I´ll say that again so you know what I´m trying to say here. Move your mouth. And at the same time, try to make some sounds from your neck. and thus, you´re talking. 
Swedish is a very crude way of speaking. It uses the sounds and movements from the very years of the first stoneage. Movement is very important, try to move your arms as much as possible (and not hitting anyone) as you speak. By doing this you tell everyone you are from France, this is a good thing in Sweden (if you´re a girl(if you´re not a girl don´t do it)).
Swedish people are very nice to strangers, thats because they all want to be as far as possible from this cold place. So if you come from a warm country, just smile and the rest will do itself. English is the best language to use when your going on vacation here.
Why is that you might ask.
It´s because Swedish is an ugly language,
and english is a nice language. (Some even call it the cool language)
A basic conversation goes from talking about the weather to how on earth they ended up with that girl that night, or that boy that night, and so on into almost infinity. It´s very easy to get friends by saying "Heheh!" once in a while. Why they say "Heheh!" is because they act casual.
Now I hope these rules and trades of the swedes come in handy if you ever want to go here. Remember one thing... If it rains, your in England, you are supposed to go a bit more to the north.
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Latest reply: Dec 15, 1999
Basic rules for pubs in sweden
Posted Dec 14, 1999
If you by some unreal reason come to sweden, and want to go to a pub. Here are some basic rules on how to comply to your enviroment.
1: Try to get as drunk as possible without disturbing the natural behaviuor of the people around you. Sometimes they might even talk to you.
2: If they do adress you as a person, just nod and smile (don´t show your teeth they might find it as an agressive behaviour) if all goes well they might buy you a beer.
3: If you see someone falling down before your feet (mostly male characters), don´t help that person up, it is a sign of affection. And then you have to buy him beer for the rest of the evening. If he isn´t an affectionate person... Run, very fast.
4: If you hear some strange gluttural voice behind you, and you don´t understand what is said. Don´t worry, it is just swedish.
5: If you by any chance start talking to a lady. Don´t believe her if she says shes single. It´s just another way of saying to her boyfriend that he doesn´t pay her enough attention.
6: Don´t leave until the pub closes. This is a sign of you coming from another country. This is not taken lightly in sweden.
7: Get very very drunk.
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Latest reply: Dec 14, 1999
Cobra
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