h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello! I'm a gem polisher from the UnderGuide and I've been given the job of polishing your story 'Pharmakeia'.

(Actually, I pounced on it like a hungry weasel )

All I've done so far is make a copy of the piece - which will become the UnderGuide version - and put it into GuideML:

A11819757

As you can see, this has changed the layout a little, but that's GuideML for you.

What I'm going to do next is go through it with a fine toothcomb looking for any glitches and typos and anything else that might need fixing (not a lot, I suspect - it's an excellent piece ).

Then I'll be back here with any suggestions. Suggestions, mind - this is the UnderGuide and, therefore, you're in charge: you have the final say-so on any alterations.

So here's two suggestions to start with:

1. The title - can 'short story' go? 'Pharmakeia' on its own seems to me more effective.

2. The numbers - now this is in GuideML, there's obviously a wider range of options and just bald numbers on their own looks a bit ... flat to me. If you want to keep them as numbers, then maybe we could emphasise them in some way (have then as subheaders, centre them maybe) - or even just have 'breaks' (a little line of asterisks, something like that).

Or it can just stay as it is - as I say, you are in charge

So, I'll be back soon with anything else that needs raising.

Hi,
Thanks for the compliments!

I originally wrote this in Word, so some of the text was in italics, and the newspaper bit was in a column like newspaper print...I also wanted to separate out the bits when I introduced the bad guy (ie. 3+5+8) so they were italicised. I kind of like the numbers, but formatting however you like is fine by me. I was too lazy to convert the piece to guideML, so thanks for doing that!!

As for the title, don't mind if you remove "short story" - that was just for categorisation purposes for the guide, I guess.

Also, "thought" bits were italicised as well...ie (hopefully this will make some sense:

*******
If I’m as fit as that when I retire ... I’ll be happy. Happier, though, with a family… Not a man who looks like he needs to be pitied, that Mr Smith, a hard man, ... Still, a man without a family can’t be happy.

... Have I been getting too comfortable, too predictable?


2.

[not italics: Then he sees] italics: her. ... Move..Faster, move now.


It’s all Greek to me, ..., …I don’t speak Greek,

Makes perfect sense. Right - how's that?

(I know the newspaper column effect looks a bit rubbish at present and I'll keep tinkering with it, try to get it a bit straighter at least. Narrower? Wider?)

The numbers stay, then - I have put them in bold, but sing out if you don't like that.

I still haven't done the fine toothcombing yet Been a bit busy but I will get to it in the next few days.

There's something needs discussing first, however.

There's really only one rule in the UnderGuide and that is that the author's wishes come first, always. Now, this usually means matters like the ones we've just been dealing with, the look of the piece, spelling and phrasing and so on. You tell the polisher what you want, he or she does their best to get it just so.

Now, as it stands, the starred-out swearing currently fails the recently-introduced Profanity Filter. As you can see by the fact the UG copy is there at all, there are ways round that. But the issue is still there. Also, the word beginning with 'w' and rhyming with 'log' in section 3 ... well, you can probably guess by the way I've been forced to phrase that that the PF doesn't like that either.

The PF is a blunt instrument and doesn't represent 'the law' exactly. The UG doesn't have any sort of editorial policy when it comes to profanity (yes, even starred-out profanity: personally, I find this neither offensive nor anything other than very precise and entirely justified usage, the swearing and the 'w' word - I find it fab or I wouldn't be here ).

But the UG then has to negotiate with h2g2 editorial policy. Which, at this moment in time, would best be described as 'jumpy'. It couldn't be easily described as entirely clear. It's not that Front Page swearing has ever been given the green light exactly, but there seems to be more uncertainty around at the moment than in the past and the likelihood is that, at present, the eds are going to err on the side of extreme caution wherever possible.

So, we've no way of knowing for sure whether, in its current state, this will be acceptable to the eds or not. The signal we've had is probably not, that the swearing needs to be 'removed' ... and I'm afraid that will go for the 'w' word too.

Which is *not* an order!

Basically, what it comes down to is presenting you with the choice.

If you don't want this altered in any way shape or form - though I think the 'w' word is going to have to be similarly starred-out or an alternative of some sort found - but if you want the starred-out bits to stay, then I can go back upstairs and make the case.

Or, if you don't think it's essential and can see a way round it, then you can rework it, let me know, I can implement the changes and I can then take that back upstairs.

So, let me know what you think, any questions, etc.

How about this then?

________________
the boss cursing her in greek.
____________________
What the hell was that?' he says, then: 'Drive, Doofus, you idiot'.

Doofus drives.

They turn into the street where the old lady lives, and he feels the sensation again. This time, the burning is confined to his feet, and he feels his arches spasm and his toes curl.

'Jesus Christ!' he yells.

Doofus swerves into the oncoming lane for a moment in his surprise.

'What? What?' Doofus stammers, recovering control of the car.
______________________

Also, this might make things a bit clearer:
_______________
3.

The man with the knife is strutting along the street,
______________

Isn't the world a funny place? We can describe some pretty nasty stuff, as long as we don't swear while we're doing it...ah well.

Very strange indeed ...

I'll get round to those changes as soon as possible (got to rush off to work in a mo).

I'm glad on the whole: I really do want to see this on the Front Page

Thanks again

Hey, no problem ...

I've made those changes and done the fine toothcombing - the really fine toothcombing

And there are just a very few minor stylistic things.

1. The abbreviations, namely: SAS, aka, am, PNG - do you want full stops in those? (S.A.S., a.k.a. etc.)

2. The italicising of the 'thoughts' you already did - I think I found another bit: "and George is thinking it might do you some good, meet a Greek lady...maybe you can comfort her. Maybe she can comfort you. He has ..." - from 'it might' to 'comfort you' in italics?

3. So-called 'scare quotes': you've got "security training" but then 'the object' - the second (single quotes) looks better to me (fits in with what you've done with the speech).

Also, I've now got the newspaper extract as straight as I can get it Until GuideML develops a 'justify' tag, that's going to have to do.

So, I just need a 'yes/no' to those three and we're done.

This really is a terrific story. I've got more and more out of it each time I've gone through it.

1. The abbreviations, namely: SAS, aka, am, PNG - do you want full stops in those? (S.A.S., a.k.a. etc.)
*No*
2. The italicising of the 'thoughts' you already did - I think I found another bit: "and George is thinking it might do you some good, meet a Greek lady...maybe you can comfort her. Maybe she can comfort you. He has ..." - from 'it might' to 'comfort you' in italics?
*Yes*
3. So-called 'scare quotes': you've got "security training" but then 'the object' - the second (single quotes) looks better to me (fits in with what you've done with the speech).
*Yes*
Also, I've now got the newspaper extract as straight as I can get it puff Until GuideML develops a 'justify' tag, that's going to have to do.
*Looks great*

mate!

All done

Right - this should be on the FP soon (I'll try and give you a heads up, but it's not always easy to tell).

And any other work you want to send AWW-wards ... well, we'll be very keen to see it Pleasure working with you.

Indeed

Thanks again!

Front Page!

It'll be there for the whole week, so no rush

Congratulations!

If you want to see some reader reviews, you might want to take a look at the journal entry on my PS ... safe to say it's been well-received.

Wow, you have been busy...good job with all that editing.

Thanks again, Trin!